Panicked and depressed

[confusedgirl72]

So I made a previous entry about being broken up with, and being very distressed about it. If you'd like to go and read the whole story, go ahead, but there's no obligation. I keep feeling like I have more to say to my ex but don't know exactly what that is and I feel angry and guilty all the time and I feel like half the time I just want to jump out of my own skin. It's only been a week with no contact and he dumped me 2 days prior to that. Is it normal to feel this panicky still and every morning be woken up in a rush of panic, anger, hurt, and sadness? I just keep remembering the way he gave so many contradicting reasons for the breakup: saying I had hurt him when I said he didn't care whether I left him or not (even though I apologized right after and ironically, he literally left me a day after) and I remember him saying that I had made him feel guilty after saying that I had invested hope in going away with his friends, and he couldn't go because he wanted to be there for his family during a stroke that his grandmother had (I immediately also apologized and said that I was just afraid he would disappear when bad things happened because he had before, and I was sorry to be so selfish, but I really just wanted to be there with his family, and not separate from them). But then he said that it was also due to some times that I got upset in the past and he felt like he just wasn't measuring up: but if I had those insecurities, and he cared enough, shouldn't he have just stayed to fortify my confidence in him? Also he said he just didn't want anyone around him in the tough time that is happening in his life, and that someone could love me better. Did I verbally abuse him? Can he just not have a relationship with anyone? I remember so many good times that we laughed and he wanted me there and I did get insecure at times, but he broke up with me once before and emotionally cheated with another girl so am I in the wrong?! I tried so hard but I feel like I'm breaking down and going crazy. I'm so angry at him but so angry at myself and just overall miss him and also want to see him to get further closure or something - but do I even need that?

 

I'm sorry for ranting so much but I feel like I'm falling apart here. Please tell me some of you can relate.

[Kao]

yea still having a hard time too.

on the weekend i was busy enough and it worked out mostly, now im into mixed feelings of "it was too early to give up on this" and " is she doing to me".

i also said to my ex i dont want a close relationship too fast, and was feeling she was enforcing it quite naturally. although i also didnt refuse

 

and i guess both partners are in an emotional rollercoaster in situations like this

 

that he's at the other friends cottage now well as i said he will still be escaping, and rationally probably cannot have a healthy relationship to anyone (yet)

that stuff you wrote there in the other topic, that he said he isnt good enough for you etc (it could be out of my own thoughts, although i know rationally i need to love myself to be able to really love someone else too)

its simply bull and depression, while in other moments there are the hopes and dreams and he'll promise you the world to be yours .

if lying, probably the most to himself.

 

so yea the ride will continue for longer i guess. dont fall outta seat

 

the stuff i read from you, i never saw anything to assume youre too emotional or clingy or its your fault. why is it even important whose fault it is? mostly its both's fault or just bad compatibility.

 

those "fault" thoughts and other similar ones are quite normal in this situation, still very bad for you and should be avoided.

concentrate on stuff you enjoy in life, youre good at, get the love and attention you need in your friends and family. try to stay positive

 

gl

[Lightjocj]

Your story is abit different then mine, but the pain would be the same. My ex broke up with me about 4 months ago altho iv only had NC for about a month so far..(yay me) anyways the first few weeks after the breakup the mornings were pretty bad, a few seconds after my eyes would open id have sever anxiety followed by intense crying and sadness. Ugg, mornings were soo bad. Nights were the second worse, then weekends. I can honestly say things have gottn better. I do still have bad days though, this past sunday was one of them, but, beaides that, there are more good days still. My advice is feel the saddness and cry if you need to. I think letting it out helps more with the healing then holding it in and being tough about it..its really to soon to tell what will happen with you to,,its only been a week. Everything is still very raw. Take this time to sort threw your feelings and take care of yourself, i know its hard and will be hard for awhile longer. Im sure you wake up and check your phone for texts or emails from him a 100 times a day. I know because i used to do it,,and still somedays i still get curious and look more then i should. The person who broke you cant be the person who fixes you..take things min at a time..

[Wiseman2]

No contact is best for you right now, it will help you calm down, recover and regroup. Continually going after him for further explanations is an exercise in futility. He gave you a couple of reasons and the breakup itself is 'closure'.

reasons for the breakup: saying I had hurt him when I said he didn't care whether I left him or not Also he said he just didn't want anyone around him in the tough time that is happening in his life, and that someone could love me better. also want to see him to get further closure or something.

[greta96]

What you're going through is absolutely normal, breakups are very difficult and painful and it hasn't been that long since it happened.

You don't need to see him to get closure, he broke up with you, that's all the closure you need. Go no contact, that's the best thing you can do for yourself and for him.

It will take some time to heal from this, you can't expect it to happen overnight, but you will heal and you will fall in love again.