How have you changed after your break-up?

[JonnyD79]

Hi everyone.

I just wondered what people had done for "self improvement" when they have gone through a break up?

All the guides I have read dealing with break ups mention doing something new to "grow" after a separation and make you a better person. Here's some things I have done.

 

1. Started seeing a therapist to understand and "fix" my deep lying anger and temper issues.

2. Signed up for a 30 week French language course.

3. Signed up for a 100 mile charity cycle ride in August 2017.

 

No doubt I will add more to this as the months go on.

 

Thanks

JD.

[tianchris]

Good ones, Hope you still want to do the cycle ride next year 😊

 

I've worked out more seriously, gained about 35 lbs most of it Muscle. Eated more healthy than ever..

 

Ive Signed up for private Fitness instructor/coach course.

 

Ive Signed up for a 4 week international bartender course in Bulgaria.

 

Ive talked and still talk to a therapist, to understand and fix my fright of abandonment, and my trust issues, as well as my dangerous obsession to do anything to be loved by anyone.

 

I meditate 20 mins every Day, and another full hour of dynamic meditation every week.

 

Oh and i just Signed a lease to move 400 km away from everything, to start a New life. This town haunts me in so many ways 😊😊

[charity]

The biggest change in me was that after the break up i stopped blaming him and started looking within. I realized that all MY choices had brought me to this place of misery. It awoke a great sense of responsibility in me I now feel for every action I take.

[LightWave93]

Oh my days, this is going to be a long one.

 

 

- Immediately after my relationship ended I swallowed my pride and got myself booked in for therapy; coupled with all the post-breakup feelings I was not handling things very well and had very few people to talk to, so I desperately needed help. I will never forget how kind and supportive my therapist was to me during the months that I saw her. I don't think I would be here today if I hadn't made this decision. I continue to do counselling/therapy to this day and it has really helped not only vent a lot of my frustrations, but develop a better understanding of myself, my past, and how I can go about shaping my future the way I want it to be. It's taken six mental health professionals to help me get where I am today, and be confident knowing I am the man I thought I was and not what I was painted out to be.

 

- I put myself out there and started meeting new people. Three months after my breakup I had "met" at least one hundred people online who were going to my university, and made good friends with at least half of them. Similarly, I made efforts to overcome my shyness/social anxiety by travelling around to meet people. I met a half a dozen people for coffee, and even attended an event with a friend I'd known online for over seven years.

 

- When uni started I put myself out there and made sure to mingle with different groups of people. I eventually found *my* group, but I have so many good friends now I try to spend time with as many as I can. Similarly, joined a load of social groups and attended lots of parties. As an introvert who practically had no friends prior to starting uni, I can tell you it took a lot of effort to just bite the bullet and go. I was welcomed warmly. I was never one for drinking alcohol, but decided to give it a shot and have remained (mostly responsible!

 

- Took on responsibilities representing students on my course. I was recognized for doing such a good job I was fast-tracked into a promotion which has me managing a team and attending important meetings. Soon after started volunteering at a library where again I've been praised for my efforts.

 

- Started working on my health and fitness. It was on-and-off at first, but recently I've made a more persistent effort. I lost A LOT of weight after my relationship ended, but am now bordering 150lb (aiming for 160lb) and my body has much improved in tone and strength. I feel better about myself too. Related to fitness, have also started doing a form of self-defense.

 

- Decided to do take up my artwork again, slowly getting better at it and wanting to explore different styles once I get some more practice in. For a while I was also doing writing. I do have my own website floating around but I've decided to focus on my studies first which will equip me with the knowledge/tools to improve upon the site once I get started on it. I haven't really taken up any more hobbies apart from the gym, but in a few months I plan on getting involved with my societies at the uni to explore other interests.

 

- I've been reading a lot of self-help books to better improve my understanding of myself, how my past experiences have effected me and how best to live my life.

 

- Overall I am more confident in myself, in my abilities, I do a lot more with my time, know what my goals are (and how I can achieve them), my work ethic as increased, my attitude is generally better, and I have become a better person as a result.

 

My breakup was a wake up call to become the man I wanted to be, and had always wanted to be.

 

If I can do it, so can you.

[JonnyD79]

I'm going to a yoga class tonight.

[No1]

All and any changes you make have to be done for you and not for your X. An example would be if your X wished you dressed better or went out and played sports. So you spend a ton of money buying new clothes you wouldnt normally wear and take up sports that you wouldnt normally play. Just to learn that your X is dating someone else. Then you get mad because you spent all this money on clothes and you never really wanted to be a bull fighter in the first place.

Changes have to be for you. You are doing good, keep up the good work