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How to win GF friends over again


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Hi all,


Approximately 2-3 months ago I emotionally cheated on my girlfriend of 1.5 years, she broke up with me instantly (another thread in itself) and have spent the past couple of months working as hard as I can to never give up and show her I'm not all bad. Things have improved incrementally each day until a few weeks ago she decided to take me back, and for us to be together again. Things are going great again, but the past is certainly not forgotten, from both sides.


The issue is....I used to be quite close to her good friends (one in particular, used to hang out without my gf etc) and got along quite well. Obviously since learning what I did, they're not keen to talk to me at all.


I'm trying to work out how I can try to be friends with them again. I don't blame them for disliking me initially, as I betrayed one of their close friends.


I am thinking of messaging the one that I was close with, with just general chit chat, but I'm really unsure how this will be received.


At the end of the day, surely they should respect their friends decision to get back together with me.


Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

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Sorry, I forgot to advise some extra details.

A couple of her friends and I used to be in contact via sms as regularly as friends. The person I emotionally cheated with was somebody random.

What I'm asking, is how to be friends with her friends like I used to be?

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The only way to "win back her friends" is to first win back her trust and then prove yourself to be a good, trustworthy boyfriend over time. Making your girlfriend happy in the longterm will likely thaw their scepticism. There is no shortcut route.

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Ok I think people are missing the point of the question.


I used to be friends with my current gf friends. Since we've had our issues the past couple of months, her friends and I haven't spoken. One of them and myself were quite close (obviously friendship only, before anybody jumps down my throat)


My gf said it would be nice if I could somehow make contact with them again.


I am wondering what the best way is to do that.



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People are giving you the answer. You're just refusing to listen to what they're saying.


At the end of the day, surely they should respect their friends decision to get back together with me.


They may respect her decision to get back to you but that doesn't mean that they are under any obligation to become friends with you again. If they choose to associate with you, they will come to you over time.

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Hi Gerry,


I agree that earning her trust is best way, but if she is encouraging you to be in touch with them, then ask her how she thinks you should approach this.

She could even pave the way a little, saying, "Gerry would like to be able to chat with you again sometime, but he's willing to wait until you feel comfortable. What do you think?" But you and she need to be careful not to triangulate. Direct communication between two parties is the cleanest; but in this case, she may just need to put out some feelers in their direction, and put in a good word for you.


I would proceed with caution, however, and with the clear knowledge and agreement of your girlfriend.


As far as your relationship with your girlfriend, I am pleased that you value her enough to have worked hard to make amends. With a changed attitude like this, you can repair the damage, I think.


I think she was very smart to break up with you instantly. That shows you quite clearly that she will not tolerate this nonsense again. Don't count on any more chances from her. It sounds like you are grateful for the second chance she has given you.


Don't go to that dark place (emotional cheating) again! It is totally not worth it!



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I understand what you're saying..you want to smooth things over with everyone and be accepted again. It's one thing to have the girlfriend take you back, but her friends might not be so willing. Possibly down the line if you remain loyal to their friend and are good to her, they might open the doors of friendship to you again.

Right now though, it will look very bad on your part if you sent any kinds of texts or reach out to any of them as it will look suspicious because of why you broke up in the first place.

To be honest, you need to concentrate on your girlfriend and to mend everything that you did, her trust for you is more than likely still very shaky. I don't think you need to be worrying about the friends right now.

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Hers friends are not her. They have their own thought and emotions that perhaps they can't control. When you lost her trust, you lost theirs too. Trust take a lot of time to win back, not just your gf's but also the friends.


One of my best friend's husband attempted to emotionally cheat on her, twice within the first year of marriage, including talking to girls on Tinder. They were together for 10 years, she told me that all the trust built in 10 years crumbled just like that, trust is a fragile thing and will take a long time to rebuild, and they are doing that.


The second "offence", when she told me about him being on Tinder and their exchange about the incident, where he was still finding excuses in the end and not seeing what he was doing was wrong, I was so angry I was shaking. I outright told her he's not a loyal or honest person, proven in action twice, so she needs to think carefully before proceeding, considering they don't have children yet, it's probably not too late if she decided to get divorced. They decided to stay together and try harder, and she might have forgiven him (or trying to), but believe me, I have no forgiven him. We're not friends directly, and I'll be nice if I see him, but honestly? I don't want to be friends with someone like that. I won't forgive or trust him until he proves himself with loyalty and honesty to my friend in the years to come.

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I'm not sure why is it this important to you to win over that particular friend again, it sounds very shady to me. I'm assuming it's a "she"? If so, messaging this friend and hanging with her one on one without your girlfriend is completely inappropriate, and it couldn't have helped your girlfriend's trust in you.


What you want will only be accomplished through your girlfriend and in time. Lots of time. As her friends see that you are making her happy and are being loyal to her over time, they will eventually come around and like and trust you again. Maybe not in the "hanging one on one without your girlfriend present" way, now that they saw you are capable of emotional cheating, but in a "ok let's hang out in a group" kind of way. Instead of focusing on how to re-win this particular friend over, focus on your girlfriend and winning her over, making her trust you again and making her happy. Once you do that, everyone will probably come around as well.

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Can I ask, what is "emotional cheating"? And in your case what did you do to, "emotionally cheat"?


I would add that often it takes time for trust to rebuild. If the friends are angry with you they are doing so because they are protective of their girlfriend. I really see it as her position to smooth that over as she would have been the one to tell them in the first place about what you did. In my time I've see partners spit up, for one of them to bag their ex to the friends, with all the friends agreeing with them as an act of support, only to get back together again. The friends are left hanging in no mans land and feeling slight awkward. Give them time to re-adjust as they probably have you on probation, waiting to see if you guys stick.

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She just started trusting you again. If her friends want to contact they will. Slow down..


Doing end runs, especially if these are her female friends when this is still hanging could backfire.


Pushing the envelope is how you got into hot water in the first place.

.I used to be quite close to her good friends (one in particular, used to hang out without my gf etc) and got along quite well.
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