My (I guess ex?) Girlfriend hasn't contacted me, should I give up?

[Clewis4816]

So I admittedly suffocated the hell out of my girlfriend when she said she needed a break. I was going through a haed time and didn't want to lose her too, so I smothered her out of desperation. A lot.

 

Finally she said she needed me to not contact her while she was out of town for two weeks. She loved me but just thought we both needed room to breathe. I said ok, I won't contact you until you contact me, even if it's way after you get back.

 

The thing is, I was expecting her to contact me around when she got back on Wednesday, and she's just off doing her own thing, back home but not reaching out to me in the slightest. Has she moved on?

 

My birthday is tomorrow, so I think I owe it to myself to wait at least until after tomorrow to call it quits. She said when she got back shed buy me a birthday drink and we'd talk about everything.

 

I have a message drafted to her that I haven't sent that says "Ok this **** is stupid. It's immature to pretend like each other doesn't exist. Are we getting that birthday drink or not? Because if not, Ill just move on with my life." Again, haven't sent it, but that's how I feel right now.

 

Im so emotionally exhausted, but i have so much fight left for this relationship. I hadn't discovered that her and I don't work, and I truly want longer than 7 months to get to know this girl.

 

But ultimately, I just want this resolved. I just want some freaking closure, even if it's that she hates my guts or some such, which wouldn't make sense because I treated her like every woman should be treated.

 

What should I do? Thanks.

[mustlovedogs]

Eek. Don't send that text under any circumstances.

 

Give her the space she requested. Prep yourself from not hearing from her. Don't call her immature. Sure, she was immature - but so were you by suffocating her.

 

Get some friends lined up and tell them you may need their support on your birthday.

[Clewis4816]

Yea, I just wish I knew what to expect. People are telling me to "expect the worst" not even because it's most likely but just because no one has any idea what is going to happen because she left me on the hook so much.

 

This "total space" thing is really foreign to me. In my experience it's not how two humans that care for each other should behave, but I gave her my word and I need to stick by that. I just feel like she thinks I'm sitting around waiting for her, and is totally taking me for granted.

 

If she doesn't reach out on my birthday, I'm mailing all her stuff back in a box with a short thank you note to her parents for their hospitality, then I'm washing my hands of this drama.

[Hollyj]

I read your other thread.

 

The short relationship was highly dysfunctional and toxic. You two don't work! I would also deal with your control issues and lack of respect (continuing to call when she told you not to).

 

I suggest you focus on you, and move on from this unhealthy mess.

[Clewis4816]

It's true. Just sucks because her and I connect unbelievably well. If she were to put in 50% of the effort and you know... be a girlfriend haha, then we would work remarkably well together.

 

But I guess part of compatibility is effort. But I have never, on any level, connected with someone so well. And shes exactly my type and drop dead gorgeous. Fair skinned red head with freckles.

 

She is my ideal girl, but she came with so much baggage from her past that it may have made it impossible for her to be with anyone right now. And that sucks, but whatever I guess

[Ms Darcy]

Part of compatibility isn't just effort. It's not having a toxic relationship.

 

Do your best to stay no contact. Try to find friends to spend time with on your birthday. I'm sorry for your pain!

[Hollyj]

It's true. Just sucks because her and I connect unbelievably well. If she were to put in 50% of the effort and you know... be a girlfriend haha, then we would work remarkably well together.

 

But I guess part of compatibility is effort. But I have never, on any level, connected with someone so well. And shes exactly my type and drop dead gorgeous. Fair skinned red head with freckles.

 

She is my ideal girl, but she came with so much baggage from her past that it may have made it impossible for her to be with anyone right now. And that sucks, but whatever I guess

 

Your connection sounds superficial. Your connection was toxic and unhealthy. She had also returned to purging. That indicates that the relationship was highly stressful.

[Chon]

For all you know, she might come with a birthday surprise.

 

Wait it out.

 

How she responds tomorrow will tell you everything. Happy Birthday by the way.

[BeeCee]

I've been in your girlfriend's position before and I can tell you that the text and the returning of all her gifts will have the exact opposite effect to what you want. They are transparently passive-aggressive and will only confirm how she is already feeling about you. Many years ago, my ex boyfriend left all my gifts in a bag on my parent's doorstep with my name on the front. He claimed it was because it hurt him too much to see them, but if that was the case, he could have easily thrown them away or given them to goodwill. Plainly, the only purpose of returning them to me was to attempt to elicit a reaction out of me. Rather than making me regret my decision to break up, I found this transparent behaviour cringeworthy. I was already losing respect for him due to his clingy behaviour and sadly, this was the last nail in the coffin.

 

Judging by the other comments, there seems to be a real question mark over whether your relationship is one that is worth fighting for. But if it is, sending the text and returning her gifts will kill any (tiny) chance of her coming back to you. Let her be the next one to initiate communication.

[boltnrun]

"If" is my least favorite word. "If" means something that didn't happen. And usually, since the "if" didn't happen, that means whatever it was wasn't meant to be.

 

Sure, she's super cute. But your relationship isn't healthy. She's probably realized this.

 

Don't wait for "closure" and don't give her back her stuff or send passive-aggressive texts hoping to get a rise out of her. That didn't work before and I guarantee it won't work now.

 

I wonder how many redheads there are in the world...

[Almira23]

Please do not send that text under any possible circumstance! The only reaction it's going to illicit out of your girlfriend is help her never speak to you again. A coworker of mine who I was not mutually interested in would constantly send me those type of text messages to make me feel guilty for not wanting to be with him. All those text messages did is push me further away and wish I never met him.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately this text will accomplish nothing, it's like shooting yourself in the foot. If she stops contacting you altogether or blows off your bday, block her and go no contact.

"Ok this **** is stupid. It's immature to pretend like each other doesn't exist. Are we getting that birthday drink or not? Because if not, Ill just move on with my life."