Dreading sleep

[Schris93]

If yous read any of my other threads, yous will some what know about me and my ex... Our history. Skim back through my threads if you need to be informed.... Dated for 5 years.. She broke it off with me. For reasons being that we were on two different pages. She didn't feel the same as me. Or she even said she doesn't think she ever loved me. She didn't want to have to worry about someone else other than her. She didn't want to have to care..

It's been 5 months since we been off...Ran into her in our work picnic and felt the need to tell me she's already seeing some one else. Oh and I think I failed to mention I know the girl she's seeing. We've all gone out as a group together many times. Yup, how annoying. First of all, how the hell does she end a 5 year relationship with me, through everything we've done. Great memories and obviously bad ones. Connected with family on both ends so well... Point is, we were good. Who doesn't have bad times you know. And then bamm one day she wakes up and feels completely different. It hurts. I ask myself all the time what could I have done differently.

Anyways, i was coping with these couple months as a normal person mourning the loss of their significant other. Some days I felt great.. Other days I felt like I was drowning inside. But I was fine. Up until, Friday, when she told me she was seeing someone else.. And is " happy". So she says. She kept telling me how happy she was. And it hurt so badly for me to hear her say it. That's when everything went downhill for me again. The way I feel is the way I felt the day she told me she wants nothing to do with me. I feel so much sadness, confusion, anger and yet, hurt the fact she moved on so fast. And obviously the questions come on where I start to compare myself. What does she have that I couldn't give her... Keep her. How sad right.

So here I am. I'm sad. And I can't seem to break out of this funk. I can't seem to keep my mind off the thought she's seeing someone else.. And the fact I know who she is. I can't seem to shake it off and move forward as I was doing these couple months up until I found out she's seeing someone. It feels different. Friday, I cried in my car... All night. I cried so hard. I cried so hard that the next day waking up I looked sick. I cried to the point I felt like I was almost going to pass out. Saturday, I tried to keep my mind busy but the thought was still in my mind, and as I fell asleep that Saturday night... I woke up this morning yet in more tears. I dreamt about them. Running into them in a store. In my dream they were kissing, being happy... Holding hands. I woke up feeling suffocated. Hurt more than ever. Confused as hell. And Angry. Angry because the entire months we been broken up, I haven not dreamt of my ex since the first week of the break up. It's 5 months and today I woke up remembering the dam dream. Of my ex and her new girl.

I now fear going to sleep because I don't want to dream about my ex. I go to sleep wanting to escape reality and the fact I can't because I end up dreaming of my ex and this new girl literally makes me feel all these Crazy emotions.

The feeling I feel, the amount of pain I feel is unbearable. Wish there was a fast forward button cause I do not want to feel this way anymore. I really wish this was easy. I continue to ask myself, why is it that I miss someone who simply doesn't care about me.. There's nothing more that I want then for her to feel the amount of pain I feel.. So she can see that the feeling is the most disgusting, hard to cope with feelings to ever deal with. I'm angry at myself, for allowing myself to put thought into my ex and her new relationship. I guess, I feel unworthy. Was I not capable of being loved? 5 years... 5 years and here I am.. Mourning...taking the break up bad. Please give me some kind of advice. I feel like I'm stuck in a dark room. And can't find a door to get out for some air.

[Hurt]

You know the answer. If she wants to be with you, she will. Just like if you want to be with her, you would not let her go. Most likely being blindsided hurts. She is under no obligation to behave the way we want her to behave.

 

She can choose not to answer your phone or choose to say nasty or nice things to you. She finds the other person is the person she wants to be with. Let her go. Or take some time off to heal

[LightWave93]

Whilst there is nothing inherently wrong with dating post-breakup, you have to question the emotional maturity and self-respect of someone who makes the decision to enter into a new relationship so early after a previous long-term one has ended. More often than not, all they are (subconsciously) choosing to do is ignore the pain, neglect the healing process, and carry on their baggage onto the next person. Yet of course! They're happy! They've suddenly found "the one"! All their troubles are over and the person they've just left in the dirt is a thing of the past, a mistake, someone they never truly loved because now they're found their new beloved they finally understand what love is!

 

Schris93, I can assure you, it is a load of bullsh*t.

 

I'm not even going to take a stab at what your ex is doing. Maybe she has well-and-truly moved on from what she had with you, but chances are it's just a facade. No emotionally healthy person would feel the need to be vindictive, to wave her new relationship in your face as if you were nothing but a husk with no feelings. I have a friend at uni who swears down she has moved on completely from her ex, yet continues to stalk his activities on social media. These people, whilst almost certainly good people in their own right (and I wouldn't want to paint your ex or anyone else who exhibits these behaviors as "bad people"), simply lack emotional intelligence. This new relationship of hers will crash and burn, whether it be two months or two years from now, and unless she chooses to opt for a different path then the cycle will begin again. There's enough accounts of people's relationships on the internet to demonstrate this fact. If you need nothing else to remind you of her immaturity, consider what she said to you. "I don't think I ever loved you". It goes to show two things; she was dependent on you as a person to help support whatever weaknesses she possesses (not healthy), or she's lying to make you feel bad (not healthy). Either way, why would you want to be with someone like that?

 

There's nothing I can suggest other than to stop thinking of her new relationship, but that will ease in time. The thought of someone you love making love to someone else is extremely painful, but eventually you become numb to it.

 

Time is a great healer, but there are other things you can do to strengthen and fast-forward the process. You already know what these things are; focusing on yourself, spending time with friends & family, developing new or improving upon hobbies. As for the dreams, you will get them from time-to-time. I still do. They'll get better. Someday they can even be good dreams, and when you have those you wake up with a smile on your face knowing you can still appreciate what once was yet have made such progress in the time since.

 

Cut yourself some slack, and give yourself time to grieve.