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Truly angry or joking?


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Hi All. I found this forum to be really helpful so I'm posting something that happened to me a few months ago but catches my mind every now and then.


One of my close friends has had me confused multiple times in the past as to whether or not he likes me. He has expressed to me multiple times that I am his favorite and his best friend out of our group of guy and girl friends. For Christmas, he wrote me a 2 page card that said something to the extent of "I know I joke around with you a lot and ask for random favors but just know you are my favorite and you are my queen." I went grocery shopping one time and he called asking what I was doing - when I told him I was walking home with groceries, he ran out from his apartment (just a 10 minute walk away) to help me carry them. Once when he was drunk, he came to our apartment and when my roommate opened the door, he ran into my room and jumped into my bed and hugged me as I was sleeping. I have a hard time reading him because he jokes around a lot so these may all be just friendly gestures. Also he has never told me explicitly that he was interested in me and one time, he joked that if I were a game, I'd be level 0 suggesting that I was "easy," which I took offense to and made me think more that he thinks of me as a best friend.


So this friend came over to take a nap in my bed as he frequently does while I'm out of the apartment. When I came home, he was happy and we joked around for some time. He then jokingly said "Everyone hates me. I'm a douchebag." To which I jokingly replied "Yeah you're right, that's weird that you just realized that." And he then dragged it on a little further with the self-deprecation. I tried to joke along but soon I realized the conversation was turning a strange direction. So I told him joking aside that he was not a bad guy and that no one truly believed that he was a douchebag. He kept going with the self-deprecation and pointed out one instance in which one of our friends gifted him a flask for Christmas that said "douche" on it and looked hurt. I told him that I know a lot of friends in our group like to joke and he does give off the jerk vibe but I don't believe anyone truly believes he is a jerk. He then started to get sad and then angry and told me he doesn't want to see anyone in our group of friends once he leaves the state and gets a job. He told me this was all fine to him because he'll move on with his life and we'll move on with ours. I was a little shocked that he said this because it hit close to home as we were all graduating from college very soon. I tried to soothe him by patting his back but he yelled at me, screaming "don't f***ing touch me." I was so surprised that I jumped back and said I'm sorry but he woudn't have it and said he didn't want to hear my voice. I tried a few more times to sit next to him on the bed or try to touch him but he wouldn't have it and continued to yell at me. His face was so red and his eyes looked teary and I had no idea what to do. He was so angry that at one point (although I knew he would never) I almost thought he might hit me if I got too close. This has never happened between us.


Finally, I left my own room to take my dog on a walk. Walking back to my apartment, I saw my friend walk out and smile at me and tell me it was all a joke. I started crying because I was so relieved, but I'm still very confused. I asked one of my best friends and she says that he probably was embarrassed and trying to hide what had just happened. This reasoning makes sense to me but I don't know. Could someone really think this would be funny?

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Wow. He clearly LIKES YOU, but knows you're taken. I can't excuse his outburst, but I can understand it must be hard for him to see his "Queen" in a relationship with someone else. I agree with your friend that he was embarrassed and trying to hide what just happened. And no, it wasn't funny.


Pre-outburst, I find the way he treated you very endearing. He seems the opposite of your very nonchalant boyfriend. Are you interested?

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Sometimes people who suffer from depression express it in unwarranted, over-the-top anger. Usually everyone possesses good traits, which he has, but when a person acts in such a way that you have to walk on eggshells around them, or you're scared of their reactions, then it's best to let that relationship go by the wayside. I wouldn't spend anymore one-on-one time with him. It's irrelevant if he's interested in you or not. Don't let your ego be boosted by his positive attention. Remember that the bad outweighs the good here. My ex-husband acted like him and if it weren't for our offspring, I'm sorry for the decision I made to marry someone like that.

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This guy is off his rocker and I don't consider any of his previous actions "endearing" considering you have a boyfriend, but really, even if you didn't...


Calling you his "queen." Running out to meet you on your way out uninvited. Crashing on your bed like it's his own while you're away. Jumping in your bed while you're sleeping to give you a hug?? Such complete disregard for your personal space and relationship boundaries isn't endearing. It's ****ing scary. If this is the liberty he gives himself in your life while you two are just "friends," I can't imagine the creep factor if you two were to ever take it a step beyond. His "joke" is just another testament of how unhinged this guy is. Why you keep him around is a concerning question as well.


All in all, this post gets a 9/10 on the cringe scale.

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