Jump to content

Intercultural relationships

littlestar

By littlestar
in Relationship Advice

Recommended Posts

littlestar Proficient

littlestar

Posted
Posted

Hi everyone,

 

I have posted about this man before. He is Muslim, I am an atheist, we have been friends for the last 4 years and dating for the last several months. Things have gotten serious and he has asked me to marry him.

 

I am getting contradicting information to what I am reading online about his religion and to what he tells me.

 

I don't mind what he believes in as long as I am not subjected to converting or changing my beliefs for him and he told me that he would never want me to change as he loves me just as I am.

 

He has NOT told his family I am an Atheist as he said "no one has asked" I am not sure what to think of this as I have read online that families of Muslims play a large role/influence in the lives of each other and this man is telling me his family just wants him to be happy.

 

We are planning our wedding for February 2017. We are getting married by a celebrant on a beach and there will be no religious ceremony.

 

I asked about his religious beliefs and told him what i have read online and he told me that he follows the holy book and that his religion has leaders that use their added imagination rather than what's in the book so I am a little confused and unsure of what to believe.

Link to comment
  • Replies 89
  • Created
  • Last Reply
littlestar Proficient

littlestar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Maybe you should meet his family before you commit to marriage.

 

He is currently residing in my country on a student visa and is due to leave next year, so we are planning to get married and I will go back to his home country with him to live and will meet the family after we are married.

Link to comment
Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted

Have you ever visited there? Where do they live?

He is currently residing in my country on a student visa and is due to leave next year, so we are planning to get married and I will go back to his home country with him to live and will meet the family after we are married.
Link to comment
sara-pezzini Mentor

sara-pezzini

Posted
Posted

What's the rush? You are only dating since the beginning of the year and there were quite a few red flags so i wonder has all that been resolved? And why are you two rushing into marriage?

Because there were other red flags but the religion thing will be big, and you haven't met his parents yet, doubt they will be pleased about this.

So again what's the rush?

Link to comment
littlestar Proficient

littlestar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
What's the rush? You are only dating since the beginning of the year and there were quite a few red flags so i wonder has all that been resolved? And why are you two rushing into marriage?

Because there were other red flags but the religion thing will be big, and you haven't met his parents yet, doubt they will be pleased about this.

So again what's the rush?

 

We have definitely had our ups and downs but we have good communication and have worked through things and continue to do so as issues arise. He brought up marriage and we both feel that it's not to soon. By the time we get married we would have been romantically involved for almost a year. It's hard to bring his family out to my country and in Saudi Arabia where his family resides, no tourist visas are issued, only work permits or through family visas.

Link to comment
mustlovedogs Veteran

mustlovedogs

Posted
Posted

There are a lot of things to consider.

 

First, why are you rushing?

 

Why is he giving semi indirect answers?

 

And, faith: if he follows the rule of his religion, that could very well butt heads with your belief system. And his family will almost certainly not like it.

 

Some considerations: women are typically subordinate in those cultures. Are you ok with that? as I understand it, too, Muslims cannot borrow money. On the large scale that means no mortgage loans. Small scale, maybe no credit cards? Are you prepared for that?

 

Are there dietary restrictions?

 

You have to understand if you can follow his lifestyle too. Otherwise this will be headed for divorce

 

... And what is the Muslim view on divorce?

Link to comment
sara-pezzini Mentor

sara-pezzini

Posted
Posted
We have definitely had our ups and downs but we have good communication and have worked through things and continue to do so as issues arise. He brought up marriage and we both feel that it's not to soon. By the time we get married we would have been romantically involved for almost a year. It's hard to bring his family out to my country and in Saudi Arabia where his family resides, no tourist visas are issued, only work permits or through family visas.

 

Then congratulations!

His female friend though, has that been resolved as well?

Link to comment
littlestar Proficient

littlestar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
There are a lot of things to consider.

 

First, why are you rushing?

 

Why is he giving semi indirect answers?

 

And, faith: if he follows the rule of his religion, that could very well butt heads with your belief system. And his family will almost certainly not like it.

 

Some considerations: women are typically subordinate in those cultures. Are you ok with that? as I understand it, too, Muslims cannot borrow money. On the large scale that means no mortgage loans. Small scale, maybe no credit cards? Are you prepared for that?

 

Are there dietary restrictions?

 

You have to understand if you can follow his lifestyle too. Otherwise this will be headed for divorce

 

... And what is the Muslim view on divorce?

 

We don't feel that we are rushing and he feels that he is right on his religion and i am wrong with what I am reading online, so that's where it's a little confusing for me.

 

I am ok with him being "in charge" in the relationship, it's not an issue for me and he already has a mortgage and also several cards but all in his name, it's not something we have signed on the dotted line together. I was not aware that Muslims cannot borrow money and this is something he has not shared with me as he has definitely borrowed money.

 

I am vegetarian and i will continue to follow my diet and he is ok with continuing to follow his own.

 

I don't think either of us want to follow each others lifestyle but rather join together and a bring a little of each of our individual self to the relationship without changing each other.

 

He has been married and divorced before.

Link to comment
littlestar Proficient

littlestar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
My guess is his family will NEVER accept you and that is why they are told zip and you have not met them. Once his family knows he will leave because you won't be acceptable to them.

 

His mother and brother do know I exist and that he has plans to marry me, they have seen photos of me and know of me from what he tells me but all he says is that they want him to be happy as his "traditional"marriage didn't work out so they want him to choose someone he wants to be with.

Link to comment
littlestar Proficient

littlestar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Okayyyy, but I don't think they know you are athiest . Right? Is his dad alive? That won't fly.

 

No they don't know I am an Atheist, he said that he didn't say it and they never asked. And then he made a joke and said they probably already know as there isn't an original western woman who is Muslim.

His Dad is not alive. His mother and brother are.

We are all facebook friends but unfortunately his family don't speak English so nothing gets said between us.

Link to comment
mustlovedogs Veteran

mustlovedogs

Posted
Posted

I don't think either of us want to follow each others lifestyle but rather join together and a bring a little of each of our individual self to the relationship without changing each other.

 

He has been married and divorced before.

 

The "I don't think" is a problem. Resolve this before getting married.

Link to comment
sara-pezzini Mentor

sara-pezzini

Posted
Posted
The guy I was seeing with the female friend is not the same person i am asking about in this post, he was before this one and i left him as soon as i began dating this guy.

 

Last post about that guy was from match 14 so this relationship started after that so it's even newer than i thought.

You're dating for less than 5 months. No basis for a marriage i think especially when you guys already have so many challenges.

I know you don't want to hear this but i don't see this working out well.

But you'll go through with it anyway. I know. I would too if i was going to get married and thought i was doing what i wanted.....

His parents are not going to like this and therefor not like you. Be prepared for that

Link to comment
Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

Posted
Posted
No they don't know I am an Atheist, he said that he didn't say it and they never asked. And then he made a joke and said they probably already know as there isn't an original western woman who is Muslim.

His Dad is not alive. His mother and brother are.

We are all facebook friends but unfortunately his family don't speak English so nothing gets said between us.

 

Then they only know what he tells them. You better be. VERY sure of all of this BEFORE you marry him and end up in an eastern Muslim country .

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...