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Why do we mean different things to each other?


Lizziekel21

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I broke up with my ex boyfriend just about 2 years ago and lately, I've been missing him like crazy. I've been kind of lonely lately, and I miss having him to talk to, hangout with, and mostly, I just miss having someone that cared about me like he did. We had a very strong relationship and I'm certain that he loved me and cared about me very much. But now, it seems like I'm absolutely nothing to him. He doesn't ever bother to text me, and if we see eachother through mutual friends, he's extremely distant. Even if I'm feeling sad and wanna just talk to someone, he seems like he doesn't care at all. I've been pretty unhappy with life lately and I know that he has gone through what I'm going through before, so I texted him wanting to talk, and after a few texts he didn't even bother to answer. It hasn't always been this way, we were still pretty close months after we broke up, and sort of remained friends. I don't understand because i still care about him more than anything and if he ever needed something from me I would do it in a drop of a hat. He's the only person I feel understands me and that I can have a real convo with, but whenever I text him, I feel extremely annoying. I don't see how I could go from meaning that much to him to absolutely nothing, and I also don't understand why I still care about him this much. I feel like you're supposed to always have a special connection with someone you shared that much happiness and love with. Also, we were each others first loves, and my only one since. He's moved on and talked to other girls and that's perfectly fine, pretty much all I want is just to feel like I still have him if I need him. Who is the normal one here? Me for caring too much or him for not caring at all?

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What's normal? Everyone is different, especially men and women when it comes to emotions and feelings. Having said that, I know you still miss him and care about it, but it's been two years. Maybe it's time for you to think about moving on. And by moving on, I don't mean go out and find another man. I mean, just move on with your life and let whatever come your way; come your way. I know what it feels like to miss someone like crazy, but I also know when you just go about your own life and worry about your own stuff that it helps to forget about it for a while until eventually it just becomes natural and before you know it, you are moved on. Go out with friends....work out....take up a new hobby, hell.... meet new men. Date. Have fun. I mean, why not? Life goes on, don't be stuck in the past.

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It's not that he doesn't care at all. It's that he's protecting himself. You're talking as if you should get the benefits of all the good that existed in your relationship without actually being with him. In an ideal world, people who meant something to each other would always remain in each other's lives, but that's not how it works. The reality is that sometimes people drift apart. Sometimes it's painful to be friends with someone you loved and be that guy that's just supposed to be there to talk to when they're feeling lonely or something is wrong. Trust me, it's not that he doesn't care.

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I'm afraid he's moving on, Lizziekel21. You made the decision to end your relationship with him, he's not obligated to spend the rest of his life as a friend or be part of your support network simply because you share good memories together. I can understand where you're coming from, of course it would be nice to keep someone in your life you once loved and were intimate with, but unfortunately it doesn't work out that way. I think after two years it's about time you went no contact and focused on yourself. If I'm reading into your post correctly, it seems as if you keep him in the background for when life gets tough and you need someone to turn to, much the same as people who jump straight into a new relationship need someone to shield them from the pain of their breakup. It's extremely hard to force yourself to go solo after so much time being dependent on someone, but it's for the best.

 

You probably do mean something to him, but he's decided that he needs to live his life the way he wants to, and not be available for you at a moment's whim.

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all I want is just to feel like I still have him if I need him
Sorry but but not sorry. You dumped him, you lose him. I'd assume for your own good.

 

You want the benefits of a relationship without being in one. It's the same concept as a guy who dumps a woman and still wants to have sex with her. But at least the sex itself physically benefits both people. Expecting him to continue to be your emotional sponge is entirely one sided.

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Hi Lizziekel21,

 

I'm sorry you feel this way - it sounds as if this guy was not just your first love (first loves always hold more weight in your heart), but that it was a really good, if not best, friend. Losing one is hard, losing both, very! Two years may seem like a long time, but in the scheme of things it isn't, and it can take much much longer to fully move on and get used to life without a connection you're used too.

 

His distance could be due to many things - it doesn't automatically mean he has washed his hands of you. Like others have said, maybe it's easier for him to move on if you're not in constant contact. Secondly, he might be thinking of you as well. Maybe he knows it would be better and quicker for you to move on also if he kept contact limited and distant? He also might not think it's appropriate anymore to be texting, calling and pouring your heart out to him now that you're no longer together. The contact with you might also cause trouble if he gets another girlfriend in the future and it also might cause a problem with a new boyfriend when you get one.

 

I realise it's very hard, but try not to focus your energy and attention on him. I would focus on new people and current friends and go out to meet someone so you can have that connection once again but with someone who loves you and in a relationship that works. I know it's corny, but there are plenty of fish in the sea.

 

Good luck and hope you start feeling better.

 

Lo x

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You broke up with him two years ago. TWO YEARS.

 

Hes not your good buddy and friend for life just because you bumped uglies with him. Its time to work on totally letting go of this.

 

Seems like a bit of an unhealthy obsession

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It would be much better to go no contact and block him rather than continue to text, hangout, etc. If you had a new bf and real friends this would not be an issue.

I broke up with my ex boyfriend just about 2 years ago. He doesn't ever bother to text me I texted him wanting to talk, and after a few texts he didn't even bother to answer.whenever I text him, I feel extremely annoying.
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