I just wanted him to hug me...

[BecxyRex]

Ok, I feel silly writing this, but it's bugging me... I'm pretty hormonal right now, PMS, and my boyfriend knows. I crave affection and love during this time, and I'm completely open and honest about it - things like giving me a hug when he comes home, saying something nice to me - I don't need constant attention, but for this one week, a little extra love helps me so much. I try not to be irrational with him and I bite my tongue when I'm this way. I do make an effort not to be an emotional wreck...(Maybe some ladies get it.)

 

Anyway, last night I told him that I would've liked some more attention from him (he played video games that night.) I wasn't trying to sound accusatory... Just maybe a little too whiny, but don't we all have those days? He said it goes both ways and that I need to approach him with affection too, which I agreed. I agreed I'm not the best of making the first move right now. I don' know why that is, but I need him to initiate more during this time.

I told him I'd just love to be held right now. Instead he kept talking about how I need to approach him more and I'm going to get what I give etc. It turned into a silly comparison about who makes the first move more... It's embarrassing to even write about. It kept making me more desperate for him to just friggin' hug me, but he wasn't having it. He kept saying I need to meet him half way.

 

Why couldn't he have just held me? That's all I needed and that would've made me so much more open for conversation. It would have given me the safety I was craving. I know I was being needy, but is it really that big of a deal to console someone who's weaker in that moment without sticking to 'your right?'

 

I just need some opinions.

[Wiseman2]

Just make things easier on yourself and go hug him rather than getting into a debate.

He said it goes both ways and that I need to approach him with affection too, which I agreed. I don' know why that is, but I need him to initiate more during this time.

[ThatwasThen]

Why couldn't he have just held me?

He told you why... he feels he's doing ALL of the work and it doesn't matter that you don't think that's true... He does so why not meet him half way once in a while and not use your period as an excuse for bad behaviour?

 

You're going to whine your way right out of a relationship if you continue to only see your side of things while dismissing his feelings, thoughts and sensibilities.

 

That was blunt so here's a e-hug from me to show you that even though I'm telling you the truth the way I see it, it doesn't meant I don't care. Pretty much what you're boyfriend is trying to get through to you too.

[BecxyRex]

He told you why... he feels he's doing ALL of the work and it doesn't matter that you don't think that's true... He does so why not meet him half way once in a while and not use your period as an excuse for bad behaviour?

 

You're going to whine your way right out of a relationship if you continue to only see your side of things while dismissing his feelings, thoughts and sensibilities.

 

That was blunt so here's a e-hug from me to show you that even though I'm telling you the truth the way I see it, it doesn't meant I don't care. Pretty much what you're boyfriend is trying to get through to you too.

 

Oh god I know... I feel awful for being whiny about it. It's not always that way, but this time it hit me hard. I need to stop being stubborn and just go for it myself. Thank you.

[BecxyRex]

Just make things easier on yourself and go hug him rather than getting into a debate.

 

You are so right... I was definitely being unnecessarily complicated. Well, this grounds me.

[j.man]

Yeah if there isn't some big thing or we're not in bed, hugs 'n **** are available upon request.

 

Personally, I've never been in a relationship with someone who needed a special effort during PMS. I might not quip at my girlfriend as hard and I'll tolerate an extra work rant or two, but that's about it. I know what you're asking for sounds small but thinking about it, I'm not sure I'd be a fan of having that expectation put on me. Don't get me wrong, I've never stiff armed my girlfriend when she has hugged me after I walked through the door, but it seems awkward to need him to drop what he's doing and come to you with a hug when you walk in.

 

I agree with Wiseman. Take matters into your own hands and, in the future if you must bring it up, avoid saying things like "I wish you would have" or "I would have liked" as those will come off as accusatory no matter what. Focus on what you can ask for in the future, not the past.

[lucidious]

Just hug him! Who cares who initiates, if you are craving for a hug go and get it girl! I'm kind of needy myself at times I can relate. I don't expect my bf to be able to read my mind and he isn't the affectionate type, so I know if I want a hug to just do it and not wait around for him to play the guessing game of "what's wrong"

[BecxyRex]

Yeah if there isn't some big thing or we're not in bed, hugs 'n **** are available upon request.

 

Personally, I've never been in a relationship with someone who needed a special effort during PMS. I might not quip at my girlfriend as hard and I'll tolerate an extra work rant or two, but that's about it. I know what you're asking for sounds small but thinking about it, I'm not sure I'd be a fan of having that expectation put on me. Don't get me wrong, I've never stiff armed my girlfriend when she has hugged me after I walked through the door, but it seems awkward to need him to drop what he's doing and come to you with a hug when you walk in.

 

I agree with Wiseman. Take matters into your own hands and, in the future if you must bring it up, avoid saying things like "I wish you would have" or "I would have liked" as those will come off as accusatory no matter what. Focus on what you can ask for in the future, not the past.

 

I completely understand and I don't want to be that needy. It bothers me too, but yesterday I really was convinced if I just say "I just want this thing right now..." it should not have been a big deal. I forgot how he must have felt during it, because he does comfort me when I need it usually. You guys are snapping me out if it and it helps a lot to read this stuff.

[BecxyRex]

Just hug him! Who cares who initiates, if you are craving for a hug go and get it girl! I'm kind of needy myself at times I can relate. I don't expect my bf to be able to read my mind and he isn't the affectionate type, so I know if I want a hug to just do it and not wait around for him to play the guessing game of "what's wrong"

 

Yeah, I agree. Next time I'll just go for it and not play princess who needs to be rescued. I just had a weak moment. I did tell him though that I want this hug from him. Expecting your partner to mind-read, I agree, is silly and only leads to disappointment.

[Gary Snyder]

You should have reached for him.

[catfeeder]

He's training you away from whining by not rewarding behavior he doesn't like. Smart guy.

 

When we want something from someone else, we need to model what we want to see from them. Regularly. This helps to normalize it, and this prevents it from becoming a BFD and a power standoff.

 

Just as parents are taught to ignore tantrums and other negative behaviors while rewarding behavior that's desirable, this applies to couples as well. The difference is that we own the ability to negotiate, and if we don't, then we can learn this valuable skill. Negotiation offers something of value to the other in exchange for something valuable to us. It's the opposite of whining and manipulation.

 

Bribery is the fine art of showing someone why it's in their best interests to give us what we want. So discuss behaviors and gifts that you can both use to bribe one another when you want something. Make this fun and rewarding rather than a chore or an obligation. It's magic.

 

Head high.