CrusnikPT Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Hi everyone, i'm new here and I've never in my life posted anything about myself, so its kinda hard expressing myself but i'll give my best. Seriously need some advice here... My name is Filipe i'm 31 and I've been dating her "officially" since jan2015. I should add she lives on another city 1h away from me. First year everything was perfect, we loved each other so much and were really good friends. But these last couple months i became depressed with work issues, i became quite cold with her sometimes because i didn't felt supported and we were only seeing at weekends. I know its my fault for letting myself get depressed, guess she no longer felt secure with me and slowly feel out of love to my current self. All that and the fact that she always wanted to live together ...she wanted me to move to her city so we could share a flat etc... In my stupidity i never truly gave that a serious thought because of my work issues... She was fed up with my neglect and lack of effort towards the later part of our relationship and I saw it too late. She broke up with me two months ago. She told me she wanted to be alone for a while, wanted to be happy with herself and that she didn't loved me anymore. I was in shock and didn't knew what to say at the time so i let her go....went NC for 3 days.... Thats when it finally sinked in, i waited till the weekend and tried to reasoning with her...yeah wasted effort... I gave it a couple days and went to her in the middle of the week, (was not easy to have her agree on a meeting) i just wanted 10 minutes of her time but we ended up chatting for a couple hours. I told her that i knew perfectly well that i messed up, i knew what and how, i apologized, promised i would never allow that to happen again, and that i had made my mind about what i could do to make up for everything. I was decided to get a flat for us there and change my job, so we could live together and give it a serious try . She was hesitant for a while, but ended up declining. Her birthday was coming up on mid july, so i thought of giving her the thing she wanted the most (a Golden Retriever) I knew she could not keep the pet atm because she is just renting a room there... best case scenario we would get back together and could have it on our flat or so i thought, even if we didnt get back together she could keep it on her parents house and it would be my parting gift to her.... worst case scenario i would keep the pet. Yeah she didnt accepted it, actually she got so pissed off at me she told me she wanted it but not now that we broke up, and everything thing that i have been doing so far i should have done it while we were together, she cried a lot...i felt awful with myself... Bottom line the last time she called me...was to tell me that we would never be together again, that she didnt love me ( told me that a couple times because she said that i needed to hear that so that i can move on) it seriously hurt, she was so cold with me, i even crashed down and started to cry and begging for a 1 chance... (once again bad move) Its been 2 weeks that we don't exchange a letter...she keeps on posting happy photos of her with her friends...she's on vacations atm.. Ive been spending my days hoping she might want to come back and try to fix us. I truly love her and would do anything in my power to fix things, we were great together, we didn't argue or anything, our only problem is the distance...and that i intended to fix in 2 months... really don't know what else can i do... the ball is on her court i guess... I do not know how to be happy anymore. Everything is hard and my heart is always in constant pain. Link to comment
Clinton Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Well first you have to accept that its done for good. Then you have to realise it takes a long time to heal from real heartbreak. Its a slow process but we all get through it. Accept what she's told you, go nc for real, and work on moving on. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Unfortunately you tried to make amends, but she declined and said she didn't want to be together. Do not get her a pet she can't take care of. In fact you should not get her anything, get a pet for yourself to keep you company if you want..go no contact and try to heal. She was hesitant for a while, but ended up declining. Her birthday was coming up on mid july, so i thought of giving her the thing she wanted the most (a Golden Retriever) I knew she could not keep the pet atm because she is just renting a room there last time she called me...was to tell me that we would never be together again, that she didnt love me Link to comment
CrusnikPT Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 As childish as it might seem i still believe in happy endings. If there was cheating or abusive behaviour i would agree that moving on is the only option...but thats me, i might be wrong in thinking that way. In 2014 i got out of a 11years relationship, it was hell, in 2013 she got GIGS case and left me for another guy, got the i dont love you anymore speech. I cried begged, did all the things you shouldnt do... all for nothing...3months later when i was somehow enjoying my holidays with my family she came back asking for forgiveness...and i did gave her a chance back then...guess i was too hurt and it didnt work out in the end. Why does the first thing people advise is to give up and move on. Link to comment
True Story Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Why does the first thing people advise is to give up and move on. She was patient with you initially and was willing to talk. Your gestures and efforts are now angering her. Your emotions are stopping you from seeing the boundaries you are very nearly crossing. She no longer wants a relationship with you, if you care for her then respect her wishes. It is also for your own benefit. Your increasing your own pain by not accepting the situation. Link to comment
Clinton Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 No contact allows you to heal by removing the source of your pain. It also prevents you from making an absolute ass of yourself by begging, pleading and crying. It prevents you from turning into a stalker. And if you don't contact them you can't screw things up any worse than they already are. A side effect RARELY may be that they miss you and contact you. But I wouldn't count on it. This is done my friend whether you can accept it or not. Link to comment
gypsybird87 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 I'm sorry this happened but as others have said, it sounds like the relationship is over. If you love her and respect her then you have to respect her choice to no longer be with you. I know it hurts but it will get easier with time. Stay no contact and focus on yourself. Keep busy, spend time with friends, etc. As a sidenote, I sincerely hope there is not a homeless golden retriever now because of this drama.... Link to comment
lostlove76 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 I was thinking the same thing about the dog. Link to comment
CrusnikPT Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 I'm sorry this happened but as others have said, it sounds like the relationship is over. If you love her and respect her then you have to respect her choice to no longer be with you. I know it hurts but it will get easier with time. Stay no contact and focus on yourself. Keep busy, spend time with friends, etc. As a sidenote, I sincerely hope there is not a homeless golden retriever now because of this drama.... She is perfectly fine with me. As for my ex...i'm not going to bother her, she has made her choice, i'm going to try to respect that and i wont initiate contact, nor will i bring the relationship subject, tho i know she will like she has done before... I still hope for a reconciliation in a near future ] Link to comment
lostlove76 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Beautiful puppy!! Glad you're being a good owner Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 I think you'll be a lot happier with this girl She is perfectly fine with me. ] Link to comment
gypsybird87 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 What a sweet and beautiful little girl! I'm so glad she has a home with you. You are doing the right thing to give your ex the space she has asked for. It's okay to hope for a reconciliation, from a distance. I think most of us who have been dumped do, at least for awhile. Just don't linger too long, don't get stuck waiting. Grieve as much as you need to, then let your life start moving forward again. And now you have a loyal companion by your side who will NEVER leave you, never get tired of you, never turn her back when you need her. Love her well and don't ever feel negative towards her for the way she came into your life. She needs you, and none of that is her fault. Personally, I'd be lost without my dog. They are the living embodiment of unconditional love. Link to comment
CrusnikPT Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 I've known myself for over 30 years now, so i can pretty much say for sure, that i am unable to move on until she starts dating again. As long as i know she is single i wont under any circumstance open my door to anyone else. We still have a couple unfinished business and she doesn't want to lose me as a friend either. I also have a pretty good relationship with her family, so its not like i can disappear from her life even if i wanted to. I'm just so sad with all of this... things didnt have to end like this....i know she is/was confused just a couple weeks ago she said she probably still loved me but couldn't express it and she wanted to be alone for a while and we would see about moving in together later on. Guess giving her the Pet made her decide for the worse for now. Link to comment
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