My dad- drinking and memory issues

[Snow93]

My dad has drank to the extent of getting quite drunk almost every night for as long as I can remember. He very, very rarely takes a night off from it but only after me or my mother has given him a really hard time about it or he's caused a big argument the night before. Then it goes straight back to the same routine. Even on those rare nights where he doesn't drink, he hides in his bedroom and goes to bed around 7pm (He's generally unapproachable when he's sober). He holds down a job and contributes etc. but I worry about just how much this is affecting him physically and my mother mentally; I'll be leaving home soon and I don't feel good about leaving her with this vindictive drunk every night.

 

When he drinks he forgets the simplest of details when having a conversation. I mean to the extent I've had to repeat simple concepts over and over again to try and get him to understand things. I know it sounds patronising but it really feels like I'm talking to a child; he doesn't grasp things and he starts to lose his temper and thinks that the person talking to him is the one who's deliberately confusing or making fun of him or whatever. I know it's not just with me this happens either because I've seen it happen with a few people when they talk to him when he's like that He'll sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and think he has food in the oven or walk into a completely different room than he meant to or forget that he's already been to bed (he'll come into the living room 3 or 4 hours after falling asleep and say he's going to bed). A few times he's left the stove on too, thankfully I always check all that before I go to bed though. It's too difficult to sum up just how frustrating it is.

 

I know getting drunk can make you a bit slow or forget what happened the night before but it shouldn't be anything like this. Me or anyone else I've known don't just forget things instantly or get so easily confused after a few drinks. I don't know, is that an effect of the long-term drinking? It's not like these are one off events, the memory problems have been around for at least 5 or 6 years.

 

I've tried to talk to him repeatedly about his drinking and how "simple minded" (not the words I actually used) he becomes when he does but he just gets defensive and angry, sober or drunk. I really dunno what to do anymore. It feels stupid to go to a doctor by myself with my concerns when he refuses to go because he thinks there's nothing wrong (with his either problem). I want him to do something about his issues but he won't listen. These problems don't just affect him but it's like he doesn't even care. Once I leave home I'm obviously not gonna be around as much to keep an eye on him and it's worrying, especially if he accidentally burns the house down. What should I do?

[Seraphim]

Well, he is a serious serious alcoholic and eventually that affects your brain cells. Once it starts doing that your cognitive abilities go into the toilet. Your mom could go to Al-Anon which helps the families of alcoholics .

[Wiseman2]

Varying degrees of alcohol related dementia google Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome. Alcohol itself is a neurotoxin and the added effects of liver toxicity further poison the brain.

 

So in effect there are several problems, acute intoxication, chronic effects, denial, addiction and the overall combative dynamics that ensue.

 

Stop trying to argue or reason, you are basically taking to an alcohol and formaldehyde soaked brain. get the support and info you need from groups who focus on the families of alcohols, take your mother.

 

Childproof your home as you would with any demented person living there. If he passes out that would be a great opportunity to call 911 and at least get him in the door of a medical facility.

I don't know, is that an effect of the long-term drinking? It's not like these are one off events, the memory problems have been around for at least 5 or 6 years.

I've tried to talk to him repeatedly about his drinking and how "simple minded" (not the words I actually used) he becomes when he does but he just gets defensive and angry, sober or drunk.

[abitbroken]

he won't get help until He believes that things are out of control. I don't think you should approach this as "dad, you drink too much and it makes you dumb". It only makes him defensive. And depending on his age, talking about memory loss makes people defensive as well. Is there someone else close to him that he trusts, the brother of his that he idolizes, a non-alcoholic buddy, etc, who is also noticing this?

[ThatwasThen]

... and he won't think things are out of control as long as your mother enables him to drink by not leaving him.

 

I'll be leaving home soon and I don't feel good about leaving her with this vindictive drunk every night.

You are a product of your upbringing and your upbringing with an alcoholic father has made you think that you are the caretaker of your mother. Her well being is her responsibility, luv not yours and Al-Anon would help you to realize that and give you the boundaries you need to leave without feeling guilt or the need to caretake. It would help your mother to stop enabling and both of you on how to give up trying to control.

 

 

 

 

Go to an Al-anon meeting and pick up all the literature you can on Alcoholism and what help is available to him, leave it on his favorite drinking chair and then let it go.

 

You might want to do everything you can to touch base with your inner child and nurture her. You owe it to yourself and your own romantic relationships going forth.

 

Good luck.

 

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