How do you leave someone that doesn't want a divorce?

[cj78]

I've been married to my husband for 5yrs and I knew when we first returned from our honeymoon that I might have made a mistake. I've heard of people changing after marriage but I never believed it until I experienced it for myself. I asked him for a divorce last November and he cried and begged me not to leave him. I ended up staying because I felt bad and selfish because my kids love him. I'm on antidepressants because I'm sacrificing my happiness for my kids. I wish he would leave me but he is so crazy about me I know he never will.

[Wiseman2]

Why was the marriage a mistake?

I've been married to my husband for 5yrs and I knew when we first returned from our honeymoon that I might have made a mistake.

[Clinton]

You put on your big girl pants, tell him its over and stick to your decision

[jujusamples]

I think at this point it's best if you just hold your grounds and be firm and just tell him you want out. It's better that he gets hurt now rather than drag this on any longer because you feel bad about breaking up with him. It's not fair to either one of you. People get hurt, it's life. You can't just keep a relationship because someone is hurt. You have to both want to be in it to make it work. Of course he's going to be hurt, he will get over it eventually, just like any other break up. The dumpee always acts irrational at first but they always end up getting over it.

[Zaphod]

Put one foot in front of the other?

 

You say you first noticed after the honeymoon? That was either a rather long honeymoon, or you've known this for almost five years. Seems a bit unhealthy.

 

Also, you say "My kids" so I assume they're from a different lover? I wouldn't worry about that. You can't stay with the wrong man for the sake of kids that aren't even his. They'll have to take it as it comes, I'm afraid.

[ParisPaulette]

You go through with the divorce anyways. He may not "want" it, but pretty much all states now don't need "consent" from both parties to accept a divorce.

 

Talk to an attorney about how to do this, learn to say no, move forward if the marriage is done and you want out. If you stay simply because he's good at crying I can tell you, you will end up hating this guy and making both your lives a living hell.

 

You don't need permission to end things, you just need to do so.

 

P.S. If you fear for your safety call this number, they may be able to give you better advice or assistance even. Good luck.

[dave_1966]

I've been married to my husband for 5yrs and I knew when we first returned from our honeymoon that I might have made a mistake. I've heard of people changing after marriage but I never believed it until I experienced it for myself. I asked him for a divorce last November and he cried and begged me not to leave him. I ended up staying because I felt bad and selfish because my kids love him. I'm on antidepressants because I'm sacrificing my happiness for my kids. I wish he would leave me but he is so crazy about me I know he never will.

 

Are they his kids?

[cj78]

No not his kids. He just became really bossy with the kids and just complained about everything. His dad was really strict with him as a child and he just seems to want to be the same to my kids. I don't believe in making my kids fear me. There was no hint of him being like this until we got married. It's like I was tricked into believing he was different than he is.

[ThatwasThen]

No not his kids. He just became really bossy with the kids and just complained about everything. His dad was really strict with him as a child and he just seems to want to be the same to my kids. I don't believe in making my kids fear me. There was no hint of him being like this until we got married. It's like I was tricked into believing he was different than he is.

But you say you're staying because your kids "love him." Surely he's not all that bad if you're staying for them??

 

I'm confused.

 

Have you considered marriage conselling. What made you think you made a mistake right after the honeymoon?

[Wiseman2]

Oh yeah, it's time for the divorce attorney. He should never under any circumstances be disciplining your kids no less intimidating them. It's irrelevant (and pathetic, actually) that he cries, begs,etc. Imagine how your kids feel?

No not his kids. He just became really bossy with the kids and just complained about everything. I don't believe in making my kids fear me.

[Lester]

Is it abuse or discipline?

 

How are the kids doing?

[catfeeder]

You don't need anyone's permission to get a divorce. See an attorney to learn your options, rights and responsibilities for your location, then follow the advice.

[Zaphod]

Is it abuse or discipline?

 

Often people use the word "discipline" to excuse abuse. They are actually very close. The definition of discipline is "the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience." which is actually quite dodgy sounding when you think about it. Yet all over the world, parents are "disciplining" their children in all kinds of cruel ways, and thinking it's virtuous.

 

Personally, I don't buy discipline. Threatening punishment upon non-compliance strikes me as a pretty drachonian system nowadays.

 

Sorry, I digress.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm still waiting to see why she thought it was a mistake right after the honeymoon? She's staying because the kids love him but in the same breath says He's really bossy with them.

 

Op are you against any rules or making your children accountable for any unacceptable behaviour? If they love him after his "bossiness" then it would appear to me that they welcome the structure (most children do btw).