Feel like she's stringing me along after a bad fight

[Scotty34]

Girlfriend and I had a blowout last Friday after she found out that I had been communicating with my ex-girlfriend. I did not think that the communications were inappropriate. I basically saw the ex out in a public place (a bar) and ended up sitting with her and talking for about an hour. The conversation was like two old friends catching up.

 

My girlfriend and my ex have mutual friends who saw me talking to the ex and told my girlfriend about it. She hit the roof. Packed up all of my stuff, called me a cab and sent me back to my apartment. Asked for my key to her place as well.

 

I apologized profusely. Sent her some very expensive flowers.. the usual crap a guy does when he is trying to get out of the dog house. She was very, very mad over the weekend and repeatedly told me that she hated me and to go f*** myself.

 

We talked a bit this morning and it seems that she has calmed down. I told her that I was sorry for talking to the ex. I didn't think that it would upset her as much as it apparently does. I also told the GF that I loved her and I wanted to patch things up. I got the old "I need time line." So then I told her, I understand if you can't forgive me. If you would rather not see me anymore, please just be honest so that both of us can move on. Here is her reply:

 

"My heart hurts. I am tired of crying over you. I need to sort out my feelings and take care of myself. I love you but I don't know what to do right now. I just need time to mend."

 

Some of my male friends think she is trying to let me down easy. My female friends seem to think that she is actually considering taking me back but needs time to cool off.

 

I don't know what to do, other than to leave her alone for a few days and then maybe on Friday invite her out for a drink or dinner and see if she will go. Thoughts?

[Clinton]

She wants space so give it to her. Sounds like youve broken her trust more than once from her reply. Are there thingsyou need to change about yourself to make this work?

[Wiseman2]

Jealous much? This sounds more like an extended 'silent treatment' to me. So neither breaking up nor 'healing'.

 

Keep in mind she's pissed (read quoted below) not wounded (maybe her ego). Give her time to cool off. You already did all the apologizing, flowers, etc.

repeatedly told me that she hated me and to go f*** myself.

[j.man]

I can mildly understand her wanting a heads up if you'll be going out for drinks with an ex. I think she went completely overboard with the reaction, but I'd be a bit more considerate about potential boundaries in the future.

[jujusamples]

It seems to me there are more to the story than what you have just told us. Why did she say she's sick of crying over you? Do the two of you fight often?

If your answer is no the the two questions, than I think it's a little excessive how she reacted to you catching up with your ex. I mean you just bump into the ex, nothing more happened? You chatted and caught up? I don't see anything wrong with that. If I bump into an ex I haven't seen in a long time and we are in somewhat good terms, I'd probably chat for a little bit. It's just like bumping into an old friend. Like i said unless you have a history of cheating and flirting with other woman, your girlfriend seems to be over reacting a little over this. It's like throwing a tantrum because she heard something she didn't like. Almost like she doesn't trust you for whatever reason. If that's not the case than she has some serious jealousy issues. I could probably give you more constructive advice if I know a little more about your history with your girlfriend. Right now it just sounds like she's in a jealous rage.

[Blue Ridge]

I feel something is amiss here. If I caught up with an ex, for starters I'd have told my girlfriend -she wouldn't have heard about it from mutual friends. And when I told her, she would be fine with it. That she was this upset means that either she has reason to be or is very, very insecure and jealous. Which is it? Everything about this reads foreign to me. I would not be buying flowers for someone for going off the handle without reason. You seem to be assuming some guilt here, so what's really going on?

[Scotty34]

It seems to me there are more to the story than what you have just told us. Why did she say she's sick of crying over you? Do the two of you fight often?

If your answer is no the the two questions, than I think it's a little excessive how she reacted to you catching up with your ex. I mean you just bump into the ex, nothing more happened? You chatted and caught up? I don't see anything wrong with that. If I bump into an ex I haven't seen in a long time and we are in somewhat good terms, I'd probably chat for a little bit. It's just like bumping into an old friend. Like i said unless you have a history of cheating and flirting with other woman, your girlfriend seems to be over reacting a little over this. It's like throwing a tantrum because she heard something she didn't like. Almost like she doesn't trust you for whatever reason. If that's not the case than she has some serious jealousy issues. I could probably give you more constructive advice if I know a little more about your history with your girlfriend. Right now it just sounds like she's in a jealous rage.

 

The ex was an issue when GF and I started dating back in February. The ex found out and came out of the woodwork (after not talking to me for months) and practically begged me to get back together with her. She also told new GF all of the details of every bad aspect of our relationship and every thing that I said or did when we were together. New GF almost ran away. It was nasty. So I think it's a sore subject for her and I should have known better. I guess I figured enough time had passed, and ex-GF was acting like a normal person the day I bumped into her. Seemed like she had gotten all of it out of her system and we have a very nice conversation that ended with a hug and both of us going our separate ways.

 

I think new GF is wary that this conversation is going to make me want to leave her or something. I've tried to tell her that is not the case.

[Blue Ridge]

Ah, well, that answers much of it. For starters, if someone tried to sabotage my relationship, I would never talk to them again. That would be the prudent route. Your girlfriend has evidence that this girl tried to ruin you guys and has every right to hate your ex. You need to put the ex on permanent no contact and hope for the best with the new girlfriend. Healthy boundaries would be a great thing to look into.

[j.man]

So you decided to have drinks with a woman who essentially tried to sabotage your relationship and your girlfriend had to hear about it from someone else? I give that move a 2 out of 10.

[Clinton]

With this added info id say your girlfriends reaction was justified. Your ex tried to break you up so she could get you back. At that stage its disrespectful to continue any sort of relationship with the ex.

 

To be honest i dont believe youre over her.

[jujusamples]

The ex was an issue when GF and I started dating back in February. The ex found out and came out of the woodwork (after not talking to me for months) and practically begged me to get back together with her. She also told new GF all of the details of every bad aspect of our relationship and every thing that I said or did when we were together. New GF almost ran away. It was nasty. So I think it's a sore subject for her and I should have known better. I guess I figured enough time had passed, and ex-GF was acting like a normal person the day I bumped into her. Seemed like she had gotten all of it out of her system and we have a very nice conversation that ended with a hug and both of us going our separate ways.

 

I think new GF is wary that this conversation is going to make me want to leave her or something. I've tried to tell her that is not the case.

 

Thanks for clarifying, now I could give you my honest opinion. If this is the case than I don't blame your GF to be upset. I think anyone would be! You know this ex tried to sabotage your relationship with your current GF and still sat down to catch up with her. Of course that is upsetting, your GF probably think you don't care for the relationship enough to keep away from people and things that are sabotaging the relationship.

That being said, I was in that situation when I was still dating my husband. His ex kept calling and doing crazy things when we were dating. My husband answered her back with leave me and my GF alone. Than she said she only wants to be friends, he said there's nothing more to talk about. hmmm... I think if he continues the conversation with that particular ex, we wouldn't have been married today. Just saying! Any other ex, I'm actually okay with, but the one that tried to sabotage us at the time, not okay!

[dave_1966]

What is wrong with you? What did you think you were going to achieve engaging in a conversation with your ex in public? Lean from this for the future, your post is ludicrous. Your girlfriend is completely justified.

[catfeeder]

How old are you and GF, and how long have you been together?

 

How long were you and your ex together, and how long had you been broken up when you started seeing new GF?