I am a VIRGIN. [24 M] Please help, and here is my story (LONG LIFE STORY WARNING

[lonelyloser420]

I hope this is the right place to post this. I'm sorry if not. I tried reddit but it didn't work. I am so tired after 3 hours of trying to get some attention.

 

I was born in Europe, and immigrated to the US at about 10. I lived in Huntington Beach CA at the time. In middle school I had lots of friends and was fairly popular with the ladies, as far as that went. Nothing more than a few dances.

Then I went to live in Texas. Not sure what city it was, somewhere close to Houston or maybe it was Houston itself. In any case the high school was hilariously huge with so many people. I was a freshman, and right away I wanted to find my place, so I tried football. I was insanely popular within a week, (despite only being in training at the time) a few kids had already decided to be my enemy, but many more had decided to be a friend. I didn't have to take the bus because there were older kids more than willing to give me a ride. That's how I met a beautiful girl. I may have had a crush on her, but honestly when she invited me to play jax and daxter at her place, I didn't suspect anything because she was the girlfriend of the first and at the time best friend I had made. This was a couple weeks after joining the school.

 

 

He was the student who gave me a tour of the school, and was honestly an all around great dude. Really helped me, even stopped and said this to me. "Hey, I know you are trying to be cool and this place probably seems crazy to you, but trust me it will be ok and you will get used to it. You already got a friend." He was a little young to smoke cigarettes, but oh well.

After a while in her house, I realized she wanted me. I refused her advances, because I knew it was the right thing to do. I regret that moment. God, I wanted her so badly. Instead, I ran away because I didn't want to betray my friend. So stupid, other people get to be stupid but when I was presented with the choice at a tender age where I have every excuse imaginable to be stupid I had to the right thing. me lol.

 

 

Then...I moved again, before the year was even over. This time I was moved to Pahoa, Hawaii. If you are unfamiliar with this place, it's basically a rural village of sorts. It's ghetto af. All the kids were obsessed with UFC. Bj pen was from around here, after all. Right away, my welcome was a lot less friendly. I had kids wanting to "scrap" me left and right. A lot of them were racist. I am white, they mostly weren't. I was branded a Haole. (haol·e ˈhoulē/ noun derogatory (in Hawaii) a person who is not a native Hawaiian, especially a white person.)

 

 

I knew I had to learn to defend myself. I got my ass bloodied a couple times, so I found a guy who was willing to train me. We went at his house and I practiced punches and kicks and fighting stances and ducking and all this other bull with his gear and advice for hours and hours and hours. We did this day after day. We went full ham on the training, I think he was getting a strong kick out of legit having command over me. I did whatever he wanted, and I got a lot stronger, faster, and somewhat proficient at fighting. I honestly didn't understand my new capabilities. Not even close... before when I had thrown punches they could stun, sure...but not actually do any real damage.

 

 

One day, I picked a fight with a kid that had been tormenting me for a while. God he was tall, the tallest guy in school and was in incredible shape. I knew there was a chance I could win now though, and win or lose I wanted some modicum of respect from my peers. I knew that if I got too close and was taken to the ground I would quickly lose, so I drew him close to this wall, then suddenly turned around, jump kicked off of it and nailed him with my fist. His face seemed to actually explode. Upper lip was destroyed, nose was caved, and worse of all he fell backwards and and slammed his head into the cement. He was in a hospital for a while, and while he was getting get well wishes, cards, flowers, balloons- I was suffering the absolute hatred of my peers. Where before my skin color was the problem, now I had potentially killed the schools poster boy. I lost that fight.

 

 

that school, pathetic place doesn't even have a football team because the male students that would be interested had nothing but straight F's. Of course they pass anyway. I retreated away from them. I gave up. I started playing video games, and one day I came across a WoW youtube video. I started playing that all day after school because I had a PC for schoolwork...I've never even owned a console, never wanted one, but there we were. Playing wow. At school, all I would do is read. I was always a fast reader, so a thousand pages was nothing to me. I avoided other students. I didn't want anyone to torment me while I was trying to just read. I would randomize where and when I would hide by my lonesome, if I didn't have the option of just sitting in a classroom or being in the library. I spent every waking moment reading or playing wow if I could instead. I would take my lunch from the cafeteria even though I wasn't supposed to, nobody actually stopped me. I guess the lunch ladies let it slide for me. I ate alone while reading, in my science teacher's classroom where I felt safe. He always brought his own lunch. I swear if it wasn't due to the fact that I had good teachers on campus that cared about me I would have ing went full bonobo. Having absolutely nobody on your side would have been too much. Waaay too damn much to handle.

 

 

So that was me...for years. I just read books and played video games. Sophomore, junior, senior. The years blurred together. It didn't show for a while, but I became fat. I became so damn fat. I was so miserable, so lonely, but sometimes I would forget about those feelings while lost in a fantasy world. This brings us closer to where we are today. After high-school, I went to college at some point because my mom forced me, where I failed the first two semesters I took. I saw it as a fresh start, so I did really well for a while but I felt so socially inept, so behind the curve and so embarrassed with my fatness that after a while I just did what I did before, I stopped going to class and I just spent all day in my room. It was like being in constant social situations like that had just become too damn stressful for me. I couldn't handle it day after day after day, even though nobody hated me. I discovered weed. I never liked the stoners during high school because they seemed so ing stupid to me (constantly getting caught and ), but depression meant that anything that made me feel better was ok, and I became an even bigger loser.

 

 

I was a 300 pound mess a year and a half ago. Now I weigh 190, I am struggling to get rid of the last bit of flab. It's incredible how hard it is to drop the last little bit. I think if I weigh 175 that would be the six-pack point I am looking for. Thankfully while I have stretch marks I don't think I will have too much loose skin, it seems to have shrunk along with my gradual weight loss. When I was fat it grew even all over my body, so thankfully it's not too ed up. I am 5'11. I don't live in hoa town anymore, and recently I found my first real job. I live in Hilo, a town like 15 miles away that seems much more sane to me. I want to make friends, but it seems so hard at my age. People are living their own lives, you know? I recently bought my first car with my Mom's help, but I failed the road test...2 times. God. Got the next one coming up on the 11'th. Eventually I'll pass, and I mostly have my body back. It has been a struggle for me to get myself to this point, but I had to do it or honestly kill myself. I realized that a while ago, that that's where things were going after fantasizing about ending it over and over and over. I am not waiting till 30 to become a wizard, but I will not buy a goddamn escort either. I want the real thing. I crave to feel connected with a woman, not just sexually.

 

 

I am so lonely. I don't know how to approach women. Women my age aren't in a place in life that seems compatible with mine. They are interested in kids and a lot already have them and as horrible and insecure as it sounds, in a way it makes me nauseous because they have had a LOT more sex. I know it's completely unrealistic to ask for a female virgin my age, and it's not even like that. I am not obsessed with deflowering a female or something...

 

 

I just want someone who is still a little shy about it you know? Someone a bit less experienced like myself, so recently I was walking outside trying to get some exercise pokemon go in my hand. I found myself staring at some girls through a fence at a local high school. I felt like a god damn pedophile. They just look so young to me, I mean I think they were 18 or so but... me. I felt like such an incredible sleazebag.

 

 

I swear I haven't cried in years but after writing this i'm in tears, quietly trying not sob. Snot is everywhere and I need help and thank god this is almost over because i just can't write anymore. Please any advice, please. Particularly how to meet people, people right for me I guess. I need to know how to do it right. Anything else you can think of that might help me. I will read every comment, even if this explodes and thousands of people post.

 

 

** tl;dr At 24, I have had a rough time with both relationships (romantic and unromantic) and personal issues. Because of the issues I have detailed in my post I just haven't had a close romantic or sexual relationship. It hurts and I really need advice on how to fix this.**

[Gloworm]

Congrats on losing the weight. Do you have meetup.com in hawaii? Can you meet a girl at work? Can you social network?

[Wiseman2]

You had a kick butt attitude and you'll have it again. Just keep training physically, jog, join a gym, etc. Make the best of your job. Lay off the Maui waui, it's a demotivator.

[Gloworm]

Get your driving test finished first! Thats a good start.

[jgrobanfan29]

Why don't you try dating sites? It might sound dumb at first but a few of my friends have found guys they enjoy talking to on them. It's worth a shot. Try to date just a little younger. Personally, I'm 19 year old woman and NOT looking to have children anytime soon. I want to travel and have fun before I settle down. Us ladies are out there. Just keep searching you'll find your lucky lady soon enough. Keep up the hard work!

[saluk]

In your nearly 2000 word short story you mention women/sex only a handful of times. Not being able to get chicks or trying to lose your virginity are far from the biggest issues going on. I also just want to commend you for pulling yourself back from the brink of suicide and working on yourself and making so much progress. Losing more than 100 lbs is nothing to sniff at!

 

You need to find your social self again. Somewhere in all of your moves and bad experiences you lost it, but you had it once, and you can get it back. You'll have to face your fears though and actually start engaging with the world. There are people who enjoy books and videos games - I go to a book club every month and meet up with friends regularly to play games. So even the self-medication you chose when you were looking for a way out don't have to be isolating in the way you have seen them.

 

You have to stop seeing yourself as a loser before others will be able to see you that way!

 

Since you used to like sports, maybe you could join an amateur league? It might help keep the weight off and build some social connections that you are lacking.

 

Also consider counseling or therapy - there is a lot of history there to unravel, and you don't need to try and do that alone.

[lonelyloser420]

Thank you all for your replies. So let me address some of these suggestions. Dating sites. Dating sites intimidate me. I have a facebook account but it has never been used. I am not experienced at all with the dating site scene and I have no idea what is popular here. I will try this route, but please advice me in depth on how to approach it. How should I even be honest about my situation? Having personal information like that floating around could be bad for a variety of reasons. Hawaii isn't very big. "24 yo virgin lookin for punani and love holla at me yoooo." Who would even respond to that LOL. It's the truth.

 

As for working out I have been far too embarrassed to join a gym. I have been losing weight with caloric restriction and walking/running. The highest rated/closest one to me is called BJ PENN's. I hate bjpenn. I've never even seen him fight or anything but screw him.

 

I've been wanting to go but the idea of people staring at me while I struggle with my weak ass muscles sounds unpleasant. I know I must go, putting on some muscles will do a lot for me, I just need to work up the courage, I've been using the excuse of "oh let's just lose a bit more weight so it's not so embarrassing." It doesn't really fit anymore. 15 pounds overweight isn't embarrassing, you can't even tell if I have a shirt on.

 

Maybe the amateur sports league is a better idea, but I don't want to walk into something I don't understand. Are these for both sexes? Am I supposed to make guy friends and ask for their help? God...that seems so complicated now. In the past, making friends used to be so easy.

 

As for driving, I am practicing every day. I believe I am a decent driver that is learning as quickly as I can. It is very stressful for me.

 

As for weed...well I hate alcohol (anything more then a beer at a time maximum) I haven't had a lot of experience drinking but generally I find the experience negative, and I don't mean hang-overs. I just don't like the way alcohol bogs down my brain, though I do like the way an ichiban or a heiny will feel in my stomach on a hot day. Weed speeds up my mind, it makes me more artistic and helps me lose myself in whatever I am doing/working on. I won't deny I've spent a lot of days in a perpetual cloud of haze in my room. The idea of giving it up entirely is hard but I will do it.

 

As for therapy....please no. I can't. Not yet. No more unburdening of my heart, I just want to feel a girl warmth in my arms. I am not meant for such loneliness.

[Capricorn3]

OP, please re-read your second post (# 7). Almost the entire post is nothing but negative with a thousand excuses as to why you won'r try this, that or the other. You asked for help/advice etc, get some good feedback, but then in one post, you shut down pretty much every suggestion. At this rate, don't wonder why you don't move forward, right?

[lonelyloser420]

OP, please re-read your second post (# 7). Almost the entire post is nothing but negative with a thousand excuses as to why you won'r try this, that or the other. You asked for help/advice etc, get some good feedback, but then in one post, you shut down pretty much every suggestion. At this rate, don't wonder why you don't move forward, right?

 

No I didn't I valued every suggestion. Please you reread it -_-

those are just questions on how to move forward, and i'm just letting people know my doubts and fears about things. This does not mean I'm not going to try.

[brian1024]

Well good job on losing weight i was going to say at first you should try excerising to boost your confidence. So you should always say to yourself that you accomplished something HUGE not many people in this world can do that. Back to the advice, I smiled as soon as you said you got into this game called WoW. Cause I also had a very very similar situation in high school. Not kissing a girl until my senior year of high school (now a senior in college). Anyway, I played WoW 8th grade until 11th grade and i always asked silly questions on yahoo answers like why are there no girls, will quiting wow help, is it just me is there a secret formula to getting girls that im not aware (listing my body size and ). I have been very successful with girls and now I have a beautiful girl friend of 2 and a half years. First, playing video games is deadly because not so much that it makes you anti-social, it takes away from potential social situations, like your family is going to the beach (No thanks, I'm fine...*logs into WoW*). That was me for those many years, it takes away from the motivation of going out and putting myself in the SITUATION to meet someone. Theres a saying "You never know where youll meet your future wife" Which is true..(she could be on the beach that day), so thats my first set of advice: Life throws random at you, so be there to catch it! Second advice would be focus on making friends, it seems like you do not have many and being proactive in the community events may get you some..which will lead to more social events, more SITUATIONS to meet someone...its almost like a formula is forming. More friends=more social events=higher chance of meeting female. Now bumble Hawaii... I think you should desperately try to get to the main land and live somewhere that has more young ppl not looking to have babies. Get your license too, i mean it seems like youre also not acting like youre 24,so defintely be proactive cause that may turn women away not being able to even pick them up. Go to class to community college or something, this will grant you a degree for a more broad choice of places to work. (So you can potential go work in LA, San Fran, Seattle, NYC.). So a formula you should FOLLOW: incase you skipped everything i typed (better have not): Get a job/live in a young environment=more friends=more social situations=higher chance of meeting females. Trust me if you have good friends and you put yourself in the situation enough..soon what you desire will present itself, be patient, make life more fun, surround yourself with fun people.

[lonelyloser420]

Well good job on losing weight ...

Thank you for your long reply. I honestly think I haven't given hawaii a chance. I've despised this place for so long and I've lived on this island for so long yet I think I've barely truly seen it. Once I get my license I will be able to get around. I went to maui a couple times because my brother is ex military and loves partying with his ex-military friends there once a year. He always invites me to go, I think if I were to move I would try maui. Young people everywhere, not retirees like here.

 

What's crazy about maui is that I couldn't tell how old people were from afar. I guess the place has a healthy living inclined culture, since I've never been to a place where I literally couldn't tell if half the women on the beach were 40 or 16 from far away enough not to make out their face. They literally have the same body types ranging from petite to extra curvy in all the right place, but come in close and bam old face. It's actually kinda shocking.

I have good memories from the place and I might go there one day. A lot more work opportunities. The big island is very rural except for Kona- but I can't stand Kona because the volcano spews fumes in that direction and it really bothers my sinus/lungs. Once in a great while the wind direction will change for a bit and I literally feel sick the entire time. Honolulu is mostly one big city with good beaches, although it does have a very rural country side. Maui is like the best of both worlds. Buildings aren't allowed to be too tall, but there is an incredible nightlife and fun events during the day. There are constant events to entertain people. It's nothing like this place...but I think this island still might have a lot to offer I haven't discovered. Once I pass my driving test, hopefully third time's the charm right?

 

Thank you. I plan to visit this thread and keep you guys posted on my progress.

[saluk]

No I didn't I valued every suggestion. Please you reread it -_-

those are just questions on how to move forward, and i'm just letting people know my doubts and fears about things. This does not mean I'm not going to try.

 

You valued each suggestion, but then for each said either "I'm scared of that" or "how do I do something I don't understand?"

 

Nothing we can say is going to make you get off of your fat ass and go do something you are afraid of that will allow you to move forward. There is no way to move forward without facing something you are afraid of or don't understand. Making things better in your life, by definition, means doing things you are either afraid of or don't understand. This is something YOU are going to have to get over and do to make any changes, if change is what you want.

 

Remember when you were training to fight, and you had someone over you telling you what to do and riding you and getting on your case and forcing you to do things that were hard at the time?

 

This is no different, but you have to be your own trainer. You've shown that you CAN make progress on something if you try hard enough, by losing the weight. While your other problems are of a different nature, the concept is the same. "It's hard." Do it anyway. "It feels bad" do it anyway. "People will laugh at me." So what? "I don't know anything about that, I've never done it." Well then it will be a new and exciting experience won't it? "But I'm scared." Guess what, most people are! But they do those things even though they are scared.

 

My suggestion for the sports league wasn't about getting girls. It was about getting a life. Having the second will make getting the first much much easier. Just join it. Play sports. Have fun. Make friends. Build social skills. Stay active. See where life can take you when you are out interacting with people. If the first one you join sucks, keep trying. If you do it for a little while and it's not for you, quit and do something else. You have to start somewhere. There is almost no wrong answer here.

 

Any thing that you do with your life that has a social component and doesn't involve working out by yourself and focusing inward on your physical and emotional state will be a massive improvement to what you are doing now.

 

ANY thing.

[Wiseman2]

Take up cycling. Solves two problems, work out and getting out more. Do you work? Get a side job doing one of those tourist things, meet lots of people/women.

[lonelyloser420]

You valued each suggestion, but then for each said either "I'm scared of that" or "how do I do something I don't understand?"...

 

I feel you on your points, but I feel like there's a point I've tried to make that is being missed. I stated my fears on it because I figured I might get more specific advice, but I think I understand what is being told to me now. Nevermind preparing, just go do things right? I wanted to layout like a battle-room, attack strategies and strings going from point to point on a map or some bull. Again, I wanted to gain confidence by being prepared for the situations we were addressing by getting specific advice on how to deal with those specific issues. I did NOT want to shut them down, and they are not in the least shut down in my head. I'm actually exasperated I need to repeat this. That's just how I process/work.

 

 

My job is new, i'm struggling to learn/get a handle on it so really busy with that at the moment. As for going outside and talking to women I really am just kind of waiting till i can drive my car. I did talk briefly to a group of girls near the beach-park (coconut island is its name) thing this morning because I saw they were playing Pokemon Go. They were really friendly and I could tell the chill vibe/face i was trying to put on was working because they were smiling and laughing at my jokes. Having the pokemon go game as a conversation starter really really helped. I was showing them different ways to throw the ball, and how not to miss hitting Zubats (curveballs). A lot of them hadn't even realized you can throw a curveball! Unfortunately I almost had a panic attack when one of them brushed up close and I smelled her hair. We were sitting on this dead tree on the beach. I don't know what it was about the smell of her hair but I swear I had some sort of visceral reaction. Pheromones maybe??? I just said goodbye because I wasn't sure if I could hold in my food, my stomach was so tight. I should have tried to grab digits, oh well.

 

To me this wasn't a failure at all, next time I'll be on an empty stomach. LoL I'm serious. Part of me panicking is that I had no idea which girl to go for, digits wise. How was I supposed to decide? I had no idea how to handle the situation after it left the topic of Pokemon Go. God I swear maybe if I had someone there guiding me somehow, get hitched style LOL i could do it. At least the whole experience was a confidence boost for me. Personally being able to hold their attention for a minute was exhilarating. I had so much adrenaline rushing through me. I didn't feel any butterflies in my stomach, it was a ing lightning storm in there, or an arc reactor or some ish. Once I get to the point I can stay relatively calm I think I'll do a lot better.

 

What are good lines when asking for a number specifically?! Eh I could just look that up nevermind.

[Wiseman2]

Hey, let's get some shave ice or spam.. What's your number?

What are good lines when asking for a number specifically?! Eh I could just look that up nevermind.