How do I heal after telling my ex I don't want to be friends?

[Englishguy1234]

So tonight I told my ex I didn't want to be friends. It seems that we got our wires crossed as we've been talking for about 3 weeks now after breaking up a few months back.

 

Things were going great until I asked her if I'm in the friendzone and she said yes... I poured my heart out and said I think we've had a misunderstanding and that I will always want to be more than friends. She explained that she's not ready for love and said "some things aren't meant to be".

 

I've been chasing her for almost the entirety since we broke up but now I feel that I have no choice but to cut her from my life. She has flat out told me she doesn't want me and can't see her changing her mind, but she has said this several times and always seems to end up messaging me again!

 

I have to put my own mental health first as ive got a long history of depression and have real trouble getting over relationships and I'm very lonely. I really don't want to stop talking to her but I feel that I need to.

 

Do you guys have any advice on how I can overcome her? I feel that she is way out of my league both in looks and personality and I have real trouble being happy on my own. Thanks

[dave_1966]

Go and get some councelling, but first you block her on your phone/social media/email. Basically, everywhere. Only then will you begin to feel better. If she manages to get through to you somehow, the only thing she can say is 'I'm sorry, I want another chance'. Any other cr@p, hang up.

 

This link will be of help:

[annie24]

Focus on yourself/school/work. Make new friends. Join new clubs/sport teams/learn a new hobby. Block her on social media. If you have mutual friends, tell them you don't want to hear updates about her. Find new rituals. If you always watched TV together on Sunday nights, find something else to do, or other Sunday night TV-watching buddies. It won't be easy but you'll feel better in a few months.

[Englishguy1234]

Thank you for your advice, I agree. I've had a couple of counselling sessions before the relationship and it did help I think I'll go down that route. I've done the NC rule and she still messaged me. Ive told her I still love her and she still messages me, she has an incredible way of making me feel there's a chance, but for my own wellbeing I know I need to stop talking to her. Once again, thank you

[Englishguy1234]

Thank you for your reply. You see ive done no contact and blocking before but she still manages to get through to me. Because I'm so soft and will always be there, I feel she uses me for emotional support, but when she's feeling good about herself she forgets about me or friendzones me. I feel for my own wellbeing that I really need to remove her from my life completely, no matter how hard it may be. Thanks once again

[annie24]

That's not being fair to you at all, if she is reaching out to you for an ego boost, but has no intentions to get back together. She's not being considerate of your feelings. Hopefully this time she leaves you alone. Otherwise, you'll just have to continue blocking/not answering.

[Englishguy1234]

Yeah, you see I'm smart enough to know what she's doing, but not strong enough emotionally to ignore it. It all started when she went on a date with some guy and phoned me when it didn't go as expected, but she's talking to a new guy now so that's why I assume she's told me I'm friendzoned and pushed me away. She'll tell me that she finds it easy to love me and shows signs of jealousy one minute, but the next day she'll blow cold and make me feel like crap.

 

As I said ive got a history of mental health issues so it's very easy for me to slip into depression and that's when I act desperate and push her away again. I'm fed up of my life being bad and this time I really do feel it's time to completely remove her from my life, but saying that will be easier said than done.

[JA0371]

Ugh......

 

Start by blocking her completely. Phone, mail....FB. Everything!!!!! It's hard. It's excrutiating. But.......eventually it will subside.its like giving up drugs. It will pass.........and one day you will wake up and wonder why you ever bothered....trust us. We know...lol

[Almira23]

what the crap? why do so many people use that classic line "not ready for love, some things aren't meant to be". Seriously, some honesty wouldn't hurt.

It's a great thing that you did by blocking her. She was obviously stringing you along for emotional support. You chasing her after you break up only helped her no longer feel bad about dumping you.

It's going to be tough and there's going to be some rough days, but you will eventually get over this.

I agree with the other comments. Find what you like and do it often. Work on bettering yourself and finding another sources of happiness besides your ex.

I know its tough for now, but you are strong and will get through it!

Good luck!

[Englishguy1234]

Thank you both for your replies. I understand I need to block her, as I said I did it before I went 40 days NC but she messaged me again and just recently friendzoned me again. I feel I need her far more than she needs me and she knows it and has used it against me several times saying I need to find happiness in myself, which is right but she has a habit of taking the moral high ground when I'm feeling down, but when I'm feeling good she is far more approachable and understanding. But anyways, I just sent her a heartfelt message telling her exactly how I feel and what she means to me, she's asleep now so will see it in the morning. I've blocked her from everything and I'm going to arrange some counselling tomorrow and look for a new job, so let's hope it all goes well and I'll keep you posted thank you again all of you

[sonicfan287]

I'm actually surprised she used the term "friend zone" or even honestly answered you when you asked her that. I'm not saying she's dishonest (I don't even know her) but in general it seems like, while women are aware of the friend zone, they rarely acknowledge that they've put people there or that they even subscribe to it, but maybe I just don't know the same kind of women. Outside of that "honesty" I can't give her much credit for essentially hanging you out to dry like that. I can't say she's leading you on but I can't believe she would keep on with this when she knows you're hurting and how you feel and seems she has no intention of reciprocating.

 

Having said that, what I really wanted to say is that there are so many facets in ones life that I feel go ignored when one is in a relationship. It can be tempting to put added importance on one person when they're your significant other but unfortunately that can leave you feeling a bit lost when that persons no longer there.

 

Remember though that you had friends family hobbies and more before you met your ex and the good news? They're all still there! So, take advantage of this time to get in touch with people you haven't seen in a while. Take some time alone to listen to some music or see a favorite movie. Go out on some group outings or advance your career. Whatever your goals are, this is a great opportunity to work on them and remember to value your interactions with others, even if they're not "friends" even if they're coworkers or acquaintances or just strangers on the street. Take the time to enjoy the company of others without worrying if you're "good enough" or trying to meet the next "Miss Right"

 

You'll feel a lot better, I promise. Good luck with your counseling

[kamurj]

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.