How do I know it's really over?

[Jean123456]

Bear with me..............

 

My ex and I have been off and on, for about going on 4 months. For reasons being considered petty to most. The relationship started to dissipate due to him not being to understand my frustrations. (For example: I’d get upset and either get cold, or lash out.) He then instead of coping with me, he becomes annoyed and frustrated at my frustrations.

 

Which clearly to any one is a recipe for a disaster. After playing a few rounds of back and forth, We finally had what I thought was the “End of the road” breakup. He broke up with me a week before we were supposed to move in together. I was devastated , I could not comprehend the terms of the breakup. His reasons being, that he wanted someone who’s is rational, and carries no attitude.

 

He left me hanging in the wind. To the following the sudden break-up, I lost my mind. It’s a pattern to me to blow him up after the breakup… by pleading, and even begging. I know it’s so pathetic, makes me sick to see how low I can become. When I continue with that behavior he will go into the no contact phase.

 

My ex will clearly ignore me an under no circumstance give me the time of day. It makes me lose my mind, I question myself, the relationship, basically everything we had. I’m in the most confused state in my life it seems during this period. My actions during this period we’re just plain crazy. I broke his windshield, called him a million times, drank a lot, hooked up with someone else.

 

I did what everyone says not to do during post breakup. I finally gave up an went in NC for one week. (Note: I’ve never gone longer than a few days without calling him) So a week seemed like a lifetime. I finally broke and texted him about a specific item he had left at my house, that had sentimental value to him. He then broke his silence, an asked if he can pick up the item. I then offered to just mail it to him and he insisted he’d just pick it up.

 

So I let him stop by my house, I finally seen him for the first time in roughly a month. I played it cool and made a quick get away. I thought that’s be the end of it an the was no turning back. After he text me asking for a reimbursement for the windshield damage. I agreed. We had a brief phone conversation. Few hours later I finally responded to a text and stated I missed our sexual encounters. It opened the door again and we started seeing each other.

 

Things were a little rough at first, than we just picked up where we left off. I was showing him that I changed more to what he wanted, so on. He then asked me to move in, I was hesitant an never really gave him a straight answer. His friends and family basically hate me an think I’m the devil.

 

So last week my Ex finally broke it off with me after a whirlwind of ups and downs, and back and forth. I couldn't be in a bigger state of disbelief. The relationship ended messy by us physically fighting. Our relationship prior was never abusive, so this was out of the blue. Everything escalated from me being at his house in the first place to have "Goodbye sex."

 

I initiated a conversation with the topic of "Why are you leaving me again" His reasons basically coming down to the fact that he really thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Insight of our relationship is when it was good it was REALLY good, and to follow that when it was bad it was REALLY bad. I lost my marbles after him telling me I was not good enough for him. I then went to grab my belongings in the process I was sharing a few choice words.

 

I grabbed the money I had gave him to fix his windshield I broke and said "f you and your windshield", and headed to the front door. That's went it became heated, we wrestled, I slapped him, threw things, he choked me, and literally threw me out.

 

I was in shock and wanted to to reach my car ASAP, He followed me to my car and watched me leave. An that was that. Every time we breakup... I end up chasing him and calling him a million times, and basically acting nuts. We've been off an on for 5 years, FWB then to serious relationship this past year and a half.

 

I miss him dearly, and can't help but to have hope he'll come back. I was only four days in of NC (No contact) and i've never been able to go longer than a week. I just broke the NC (By asking if he could block me on all social media.) The pattern is when he breaks up with me, he usually blocks me from everything. And this time he didn’t. Finally after me asking him politely to block me, He did.

 

My question is what do you think the chances of us reconciling are? Has the line been crossed when I broke his windshield... because he took me back after that an asked me to move in then got mad at me an changed his mind. I'm struggling on losing hope.

 

 

 

Any insight would be awesome.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like the violent fights are the reasons he doesn't want to move in together.

He broke up with me a week before we were supposed to move in together. His reasons being, that he wanted someone who’s is rational, and carries no attitude.

 

My actions during this period we’re just plain crazy. I broke his windshield, called him a million times, drank a lot, hooked up with someone else

[limichelle]

I don't think you want to be with somebody where you each bring out the worst in eachother. That is very toxic! You need somebody who will embrace good and bad and not needle you or push your buttons, or you theirs. I would consider some therapy to work on your issues with anger and insecurities. Take this time to be on the mend and take it as a blessing he broke up with you.

 

Lisa

[Tanzi]

Well, given what you said above, I think he has finally had enough of "coping with you".

 

There's no excuse for him choking you but if this is the first time he has done anything like this in the 5 years you have been together, I would say your own continuous actions finally made him snap. Not cool on either of your parts but your relationship is what it is ..... a toxic mess. I don't think there is any coming back from this. You are no good together and it would be a bad idea to reconcile.

 

It seems you already had issues that need addressing and he now does too. I would stay away from each other and work on yourselves.