Does no contact really work to heal?

[Homer300]

On 13 of NC...I feel like I have made no progress. I still miss her, and I got no closure from the break up. I feel like I am still on day 1.

[LightWave93]

Rarely do you get closure from breakups. Shame, but there's not a lot you can do.

 

Yes, no contact helps to heal. It varies from person to person, and you can factor in such things like how long the relationship lasted, how it ended etc, but with time, patience and self-love things do get better. Day 13 is nothing compared to how you will feel two months, six months, a year from now.

 

Good luck with your healing, my friend, and know that we're here to support you should you need it.

[lostlove76]

It takes a while to heal. I'm going on about 2 months of NC now, and I still feel crappy. Not as horrible as before, but still crappy, and still thinking about him all the time. Hang in there, I know how rough it is.

[JA0371]

Yes.. It helps but only if you're actively doing things and not just passing the time. My breakup was almost a year ago....and up until about five months ago, I was still somewhat stuck emotionally. Then I decided to actively start dating again and have moved on finally. I still think of my ex....but no longer want to get back together. Thank god that part is over.

[Almira23]

I know how you feel. The first few weeks are always the hardest. You have some good days when you feel like you're getting better then you have some bad days when you feel an overwhelming sadness. The good news is that it does get better. If you focus on having fun, bettering yourself, and enjoying your life then you will notice that things get easier. I am almost 2 months post break up and I feel tremendously better now than I did the first month. My relationship was also about 4 months as well. I did all of my grieving the first 2 weeks of the post break up and then decided that I can no longer just sit around and feel bad for myself.

So, yes, in time, it does get better and in a couple of months it won't hurt as much as it does now

[ParisPaulette]

Yes, absolutely. I've done it several times in relationships that tanked and every single time once the hurt started to fade I could then reflect and work out what had happened, where both of us got off the track, then take away from it what I could into the future.

 

In the end, no matter how toxic the relationship was, I have to say I now years later can honestly say none of my exes was a total waste. Each one taught me something, both about myself and about others and the world in general. For that I will always be grateful to each and every one of them, yes even the worst.

 

That's an odd concept, but it's one you will hopefully come to understand. Keep in mind there is no finite end to love of any type, that the human heart is able to heal itself given enough time and distance and reflection, and that this person who you are recovering from did in one way or another give you something positive and negative. And life is made of both of those, the yin and yang.

 

I'm probably rambling a bit, but just to say NC will help you tremendously. Show yourself some TLC, don't be ashamed of the stages you go through, move forward with your life. Find new things to try out, not just dating, but something that is all for you and you alone that makes you happy, makes you proud, that no matter how small you can say to yourself "I did that thing for ME."

 

Like the first time I got over my fear of the water and went scuba diving after passing my test. Or when I finally got my driver's license after being in an auto accident years before that left me with PTSD and a fear of driving so bad I didn't drive a car for several decades. Those triumphs, those personal things that are yours are what you hold to yourself, to remember you are a strong person and you are able to live your life. Good luck.

[Gary Snyder]

It's going to take a little bit longer than 13 days to start feeling better.

[Quidam]

Took me 9 months to get better and no contact was a must ... In our case I would have loves total no contact but we have a daughter. Hang in there

[saluk]

You are out at sea without a raft and you have two options. Stay there and reason with the sea to stop trying to pull you under while you drown, or make the long, strenuous effort to swim to shore. Your arms are going to get tired, but you have to keep swimming or you'll just be pulled further under.

 

You can't see the shore, so there is no reference point to see that you are making progress. You have to have faith that you are going to get there eventually, even as the wind and the waves continue to thrash against you.

[reinventmyself]

As hard as it is, look back to where you were at say, day 3 or day 7. My guess is today is better than those days. Probably not as much as you would like it to be, but it's best to give yourself credit for any and all improvement.

Sorry you are going through this. You are not alone.

[SooSad33]

This is all still very fresh. It takes time... usually a few months to start feeling yourself again.

 

I know.. it hurts Keep going..

 

One day at a time.

[justaperson569]

On 13 of NC...I feel like I have made no progress. I still miss her, and I got no closure from the break up. I feel like I am still on day 1.

 

 

You must not look to her for closure, but look within.

 

Once you are able to balance your mind, body, and spirit you may come to your own conclusion. You are probably out of balance right now and still in a very emotional and very vulnerable state.

 

I can't advise about how important it is to rebuild your support network and look to others for support, but most of all find your own inner strength and build a solid foundation from there. It is also very important to make sure you are getting exercise, eating nutritious food, and getting some social time.

 

In time you will let go, I am still letting go but I do not need my ex for support. In letting go though; we earn what we really deserve and if what you had wasn't what you were meant to have (even if it is, it will be different, you will be different people, in a different relationship), then something better will come along.

 

Take this breakup and really learn from it, why did it happen? Own your 50% and grow from it.

 

In short...yes, for me No Contact works because when breadcrumbs appear (they often do...in some form), you will look too deep into them, and not take them for what they really are (breadcrumbs). Contact doesn't give you the space you both need to heal from the separation.

 

You will be okay. Do not resort to alcohol, drugs, and random sex. Balance is key in all of these arena's. No matter where you go, there you are, so make sure you take care of you. Be the best that you can be, make yourself the priority...this will come in time, and you will rise out of this mess. It's just hard to get perspective of the thunderstorm when you are in the middle of the rain. There are blue skies, but patience and resilience will pay off.

[gypsybird87]

NC itself doesn't provide closure, but it creates distance between you and the source of your pain. The distance gives clarity, and allows you to look back on that relationship and see it for what it really was, good and/or bad. With clarity comes healing, and eventually acceptance and closure. This whole process takes longer than 13 days though, so stay strong. NC is the first step. Hang in there.

[Homer300]

Thank you for all the encouragement.

[Sweetpotato1]

Hi,

I went through the same thing. NC is not a marathon, take it one day at the time. Keep yourself busy , read books, go for walks, call a friend, join a gym or better yet, travel. Take advantage of NC to take great care of yourself.

[sarahhh456]

It'll definitely take longer than 13 days. I'm at a month and a half and I have definitely seen some improvement, but I still have rough patches, like last night I really started to miss my ex. But, then I just remembered that I don't deserve to be treated the way he treated me towards the end and that he displayed narcissistic characteristics during our relationship that I never recognized until the breakup. It'll take time, the amount of time varies on the person. But, like others have said, don't sit around and sulk all day, go out and distract yourself. Missing her is completely normal, but I've found that the more I distract myself, the less I miss my ex. I'm sure you have a lot of friends and family to be there for you, so if you get lonely, reach out to them.