Completely confused on what to do....

[kagenmckenna]

I'm new to this, and I need a lot of help.

I'm 18 and I met a boy named Ryan exactly 2 years ago in high school. We were only 16 and we had English together. From the first day of school, we instantly clicked. Some weird connection idk. We obviously knew we were into each other, but we didn't do anything about it until October-November of the school year. He would date/talk to a few random girls but nothing serious. Then he started texting me and I started giving him rides home from school (which he was in a non-serious relationship). He ended up cheating on her with me. Then he broke up with her and he asked me out.

The relationship started out great. We were so comfortable around eachother and I felt completely in love. (Im aware that this was a honeymoon phase)

Then he started taking me for granted. It slowly happened but he wouldn't reassure me at all, and reassurance is something i need constantly.

Also, he's always been very patient when it comes to sex. I was a virgin and he never pressured me or asked me to do anything. We waited until around our one year anniversary, (November). This is also when I got a new job at a rib shack nearby, and I absolutely love it there.

 

Then around March of this year, we started arguing a lot. One day, he private messaged a girl on twitter (he knew she was interested in him). He was saying happy birthday and then they started flirting. He asked if she was single, etc. & then she asked him to sneak out, he mentioned he had a girlfriend, but that he would "let he know" if he could sneak out.

I saw it because I have his twitter password. I drove to his house and he deleted the messages. I broke up with him, but he talked me into staying with him.

Then the next weekend, he had plans with my family and ditched them to go the gym with his friend.

SO, a few weeks later i broke up with him again. He brought flowers and ice cream to my house and he apologized and everything. It was sweet but I couldn't tell how genuine it was. However, at the same time, a coworker of mine, named Alexander, has been dying to be with me. He confessed his feelings for me and he is a really really good guy. We talked on the phone a lot, enough to be considered cheating.

 

We constantly had the argument about how I needed reassurance. When I broke up with him, he said he will change and he will give me what I need. He was begging for me. However, i also had my mind on my coworker. Alex gave me constant reassurance without me asking and convinced me that he loves me.

 

So I was torn between Ryan and Alex.

Ryan is: a nice, good looking, classy, guy whom is my bestfriend and I really do love. I just don't feel butterflies and I don't feel in love.

Alex is: a badass but sweet, poetic, musician/artist who knows how to use his words. I trust him completely and know I would never be hurt by him. However I don't know if i would ever feel like he is my bestfriend.

I flip flopped between both of them & I'm still not completely sure what I want... I broke up with Ryan probably 7 times.

 

One of the times I broke up with Ryan and 3 days later, I ended up having sex with Alex. It felt real and it felt like love but i didnt feel like I loved him the same way as Ryan. Ryan felt like my bestfriend and my first love. Alex feels like an extremely romantic type of love, but i'm not 100% comfortable around him yet. So I left him and got back with Ryan, and i told him about having sex with Alex. Ryan was extremely hurt but he was willing to get through it.. He made me quit my job so I wouldn't see Alex anymore. But for a month, we argued about it every day.

 

So the last time i broke up with ryan was legit. It felt real and i was really hurt, because i knew i was really losing my bestfriend. I got back with Alex, and ryan eventually moved on and started dating another girl (literally 3 days after I broke up with him). But when he saw I was hanging out with Alex, ryan got extremely jealous and called me and freaked out. I had also been jealous of Ryan dating a new girl. He already introduced her to his parents, while my parents didn't even know about Alex. Ryan ended up leaving that girl and begging for me back because me and him decided we will never find the same friendship-love that we had, with anyone else.

 

So i ended up getting back with ryan. Alex broke up with me when we got in an argument, because he was afraid i was going to leave him again. So he thinks us breaking up is his fault and is begging for me back, but i am with ryan. But i am still questioning whether I'm still in love with ryan or not... am i just in love with the friendship?

 

Today, my boss from the rib shack (that I quit because of my coworker Alex), asked me if I want my job back. They need me, and i honestly could really use the money. I want to go back, but Ryan will not let me. I am beginning college in 2 weeks, but I will only be going 2 days a week and i'm living at home. I haven't looked for another job yet, but I really loved my old job, and now they want me back,

 

Should I move on and let Ryan move on, and go back to the job I love and maybe work things out with Alex?

 

someone please advise me... i have no idea..

[Iggy5129]

No. Stop dating.

 

Please focus on school and work. Never quit a job or do anything because a man is insecure. And also stop going back and forth between these guys. It's pretty selfish and heartless.

 

In 10 years you will look back on this and wonder what the f@&k was I thinking? And laugh at how immature this is.

 

Seriously focus on school and making a better future for yourself. You don't need a man in your life at all times. It is ok to be single and take care of yourself.

[William Walker]

I agree with the poster above. This is f'ed up. Neither of them are worth anything. And to be honest right now neither are you. You need a break from both of them to sort out how you feel.