Forgot how this works

[DaniArizona]

So, recently I've gone through an excruciating break up. It's been 2 years since I've been in the dating game.

Last weekend I saw a very attractive guy at Starbucks and my friend basically forced me to give him my number.

We hung out a few days later and it was instant chemistry. So in the past week we've hung out three times and yes, we've already hooked up.

I asked him the other night where he stands on on messing around with other people and he said we aren't monogomous so I can do what I want but to just let him know if I do and not to sleep with him for a few days afterwards and than followed up by saying that he isn't messing around with anyone else at the moment and asked if I was (I'm not).

He says all the right things. He told me the other night he likes me, he calls me babe (I don't call him babe though). He said that he can already feel he could get addicted to me.

Yesterday morning before he left (I had hiking plans and he had fishing plans) he asked what I was doing the night but than stopped himself because he remembered that I made plans to learn how to drive a stick shift. He was like, "you're gonna hook up with that guy. It's cool just don't mess around with me for a few days after." He was just playing around but I assured him that I had no interest in that guy.

Right after he left I texted him and said, "So if you come up with something Rediculously fun and exciting tonight I'd be down to skip out on the driving lessons" and he said "Sweet I'll start looking for something exciting" but than he never texted.

I don't want to jump the gun or anything or get hooked... I just like him. He's cool. Am I overanylyzing the fact that he didn't text yesterday? (And no I didn't text him at all after that.)

[gp11a]

It is kind of weird that he says that he'll look for something to do after suggesting you guys do something that night -- and then doesn't say anything.

 

Maybe give it a few days if you don't hear from him and text him. If nothing after that, then move on.

 

Even though you said it was joking, the comment about hooking up with this other guy was really weird to me. Sounds like insecurity to me, fishing for your response.

[DaniArizona]

It is kind of weird that he says that he'll look for something to do after suggesting you guys do something that night -- and then doesn't say anything.

 

Maybe give it a few days if you don't hear from him and text him. If nothing after that, then move on.

 

Even though you said it was joking, the comment about hooking up with this other guy was really weird to me. Sounds like insecurity to me, fishing for your response.

 

Right? It is weird. I dunno. I know he had a busy day of fishing to do, plus he's been working a lot and trying to get things established for his grow business. I've even noticed myself that he rarely has his phone on him. He'll leave it in random places at my apartment or even when we go out, he'll leave his phone on the table if he goes to the restroom or something, so I'm trying not to take it personally but it's kinda hard.

 

Yeah, I guess I can text him in a few days if I don't hear from him.

[missmarple]

he said we aren't monogomous so I can do what I want but to just let him know if I do and not to sleep with him for a few days afterwards

 

It seems like he"s just looking to get laid...fwb's I think is the most you can expect from him.

[Ms Darcy]

It's amazing to me how people will go from the breakup section to the dating section in a nano-second. Having read your threads about the unhealthy, co-dependent relationship you had with your ex for years, and how you even wanted to get back with him after he dumped you, I think you would be best served to just take some time off from men for a while and build a support system of friends/become more emotionally independent.

[DaniArizona]

It's amazing to me how people will go from the breakup section to the dating section in a nano-second. Having read your threads about the unhealthy, co-dependent relationship you had with your ex for years, and how you even wanted to get back with him after he dumped you, I think you would be best served to just take some time off from men for a while and build a support system of friends/become more emotionally independent.

 

You're absolutely right. Spending today meditating and cleaning and self examining. I have goals to reach, not men to chase

[Batya33]

This is not FWB. It's a stranger you approached at Starbucks and you are now having a fling with him. Nothing wrong with that other than I'd continue to be honest with oneself. Pretty jaw-dropping that the method of preventing STDs is to "wait a few days". If you are having fun having sex with him and hanging out with him, definitely keep doing it. If you are looking for a potential relationship in general, this arrangement has a very low chance of developing into that IMO.

[Ms Darcy]

You're absolutely right. Spending today meditating and cleaning and self examining. I have goals to reach, not men to chase

 

Once you get to that place, trust me, you will have better dating interactions!

[ParisPaulette]

Yesterday morning before he left (I had hiking plans and he had fishing plans) he asked what I was doing the night but than stopped himself because he remembered that I made plans to learn how to drive a stick shift. He was like, "you're gonna hook up with that guy. It's cool just don't mess around with me for a few days after." He was just playing around but I assured him that I had no interest in that guy. Right after he left I texted him and said, "So if you come up with something Rediculously fun and exciting tonight I'd be down to skip out on the driving lessons" and he said "Sweet I'll start looking for something exciting" but than he never texted.

 

Jeez, controlling much? I personally would take the above as a serious red flag. He's already accusing you of hooking up with someone who is showing you how to drive a stickshift, which isn't his business in the first place and implies every time a guy comes near you he'll be assuming you cannot control yourself and will end up jumping their bones (unreasoning jealousy, a red flag) trying to guilt/manipulate you out of doing something that frankly every person should do, so you won't (gasp) be with another man no matter the circumstances. (Another big red flag) And now, is "punishing" you with silence to let you know he's displeased that you would even DARE to be with another man, no matter how innocuous or innocent the reason. (Third red flag)

 

That and the comment "I'm already becoming addicted to you" (Strike number four in my books, because addiction of any sort is bad) would be enough red flags for me to just delete the guy's number and tell him not to contact me again.

 

P.S. Ten to one he is seeing other girls, come on.

[journeynow]

he said we aren't monogomous so I can do what I want but to just let him know if I do and not to sleep with him for a few days afterwards and than followed up by saying that he isn't messing around with anyone else at the moment and asked if I was (I'm not).

 

...he asked what I was doing the night but than stopped himself because he remembered that I made plans to learn how to drive a stick shift. He was like, "you're gonna hook up with that guy. It's cool just don't mess around with me for a few days after." He was just playing around but I assured him that I had no interest in that guy.

 

"Oh, sweetie, you thought 'drive a stick shift' meant have sex??? No, it's car, a real car!"

[Gary Snyder]

It sounds to me like he's a player and you got played. He may have already gotten what he wanted.

[jujusamples]

I'd say, don't over-analyze the situation. He had plans to go fishing and generally fishing takes up most of the day. Maybe he just didn't have his phone or out of reception area. At the same time, I would just leave it as it is. If he texts back, then great. If not, than it's just not meant to be and move on. I wouldn't take it as a sign of anything ore red flag and etc. He already has plans and so do you. The only wrong here is you were willing to cancel your plans to go hang out with with him. I would have never done that for a guy I just started dating. It might appear to be too needy.

[DaniArizona]

I texted him and said I still don't know how to drive a stick shift. He responded with "Screw it you don't need it." I said "agreed." And that was that. Que cera.

[gp11a]

I texted him and said I still don't know how to drive a stick shift. He responded with "Screw it you don't need it." I said "agreed." And that was that. Que cera.

 

That was a good text, but that seemed like a pretty indifferent response from him. He didn't even acknowledge he left you hanging.

 

sounds like he just wants sex:

 

He says all the right things. He told me the other night he likes me, he calls me babe (I don't call him babe though). He said that he can already feel he could get addicted to me.

[boltnrun]

I think it's a mistake jumping from one guy to the next.

 

Are you hoping this new guy will distract you? Do you think he'll keep you from missing your ex?

 

If the answer is "yes"...please don't date yet. Because you'll end up becoming enmeshed with the wrong guy just as a bandaid. Next thing you know 5 years will have gone by and you're standing there thinking "where did my life go, and why have I wasted so many years on THIS guy?"