What does "tonight my heart really misses you" mean?

[my wax wings]

This is somewhat surreal, as I used to lurk here five years ago when I went through a very difficult breakup with my girlfriend of three years. I took it very hard, and found myself drawn to the stuggles of others, as it made me feel slightly less weak about struggling so badly to let her go. Now I find myself back here in a rather confused state as I received a brief but beautiful message out of the blue from her about how she still misses me.

 

Now we regularly email each other a few times a week, and over the years we have built up a friendship. But in the end we have never once talked about what happened between us, or what has happened since with other partners. We simply kept it friendly and enjoyable. I found that this made it easier for us, even if it proved awkward at times. However, being so used to our unrevealing conversations I do not know what to do with words I never really expected to hear. I'll be honest and say it is what I have wanted to hear for a long time now, as I am an overly nostalgic pisces who has always believed that this girl is my soul mate. But still I am flabergasted, and need help knowing what it might mean. The girl is a cancer, and in retrospect has given slight hints that something like this might be coming. She has recently said she would love to visit the city where I live now, and that she has thought a lot about how simply life used to be (when we were together), plus she has confided in me when there have been difficulties in her life this past year, and has gone as far as to say that I am the "only person who could understand". This along with increasing communicaiton for about the last six months had me believe that we might finally have a conversation about what happened between us, and even what might still happen between us. She said she wanted to talk after I wrote her email asking if this feeling was something fleeting that maybe we both deal with from time to time when we have had too much to drink or when we are hit with memory triggers, or if it was something more profound than that. But now she seems to have retreated back into her shell, as she has simply gone quiet on the whole thing. And in response, I am remaining silent because I remember exactly what it felt like to chase after this girl when she didn't want to be chased anymore, and how foolish I felt for doing so.

 

So my question would be this, for those who have gotten back together withan ex after a long time, did you find that is was a slow process, or was it more immediatate and clear. I find her inconsistency very strange, in that she has been so responsive for a long time now, but all of a sudden it is like we have gone back to the awkward truce we used to hold when we first learning how to be friends again. Should I just be still and quiet, and wait for her to make a move. Or should I say something more honest and revealing. My instinct is to keep quiet because I have gone the route of saying too much before. But betwen the confusion, excitement, doubt, hope, anxiety, and surprise I feel like I am being emotionally overrun, and I am desperate to know what any of this means either way. I can deal with it being nothing, as I let her go a long time ago (even if I never let the hope go). I just want to know what is going on, if only because I can see now that I will never fully move forward while carrying this secret hope.

 

Thank you so much for any who decide to read through all that and might even profer up a bit of perspective or advice. I am flying home in a month and this will be the first time we will be in driving distance of each other in a year. And I truly feel like this could be the deciding moment either way.

 

Cheers all!

[toxigon]

I am not experienced so I begged her and puhed her for good, 3 years relationship and she escape before wedding, anyway man one thing for sure I won't be friend zoned and if she come in 5 years I will tell her to fk off.

 

I am giving her 1 year max if I didn't move on by than, I love her so much and I am dying man, but I am growing balls again.

 

If she wants me back she will have to proof that she won't break my heart again, and that she is mature now and out of here gigs, I would forgive anything she do now since we are not together anyway. I am the damn dumpee.

 

Dude that's a damn breadcrumb use it for ego and tell her it's nice to know.

 

U make me lose hope sorry but you say in 5 years she touched your heart? Dude that's too long for me I wanna move on now!

[my wax wings]

Oh I have not been waiting around for her to come back. I mean I did for a while. Maybe a year or so. But I moved on, dated, had serious relationships, etc. It is just that you realise that maybe you had something with this person that was perhaps unique. Like I said, either way I am fine with it, I would rather just know once and for all. I feel your pain man, and remember what it felt like exactly. If it is any consolation it does get better just not as fast as you might like. But holdign onto anger will only slow the process. Not that you are not entitled to be mad, but in my experience it did not help anythign in the end. So I found it best to make peace with her on my own even before we became friends again.

[ParisPaulette]

For me when this has happened it always has meant an ex is going through a really bad time in their life and they're looking for comfort and ego boosts, and not that they really genuinely want to get back together. In other words I don't know and you don't know if she really misses you and wants to get back together OR if she simply misses the feelings she used to have with you before she left you and maybe being lonely and feeling insecure she reached out for the last person she remembers being more hung up on her than the one who just dumped her or the boss who just fired her or the friends who just dumped her or insert other bad things that have happened to make her feel lonely and unhappy enough to put on nostalgia goggles. (Trust me, they're as bad as the beer ones.)

 

There is a vast difference between the two.

 

I mean, really think about this. Five years later her heart misses you, but it apparently wasn't enough for her to stay, right? Don't you see there's a direct mismatch between her actions and her words? It may also be she was drunk, and hurting, and suddenly had a rush of nostalgia.

 

My guess is life was going badly for her, she reached out, but now has gone silent since she's feeling better and possibly has reconciled or gotten over the hurt that made her reach out to you. This is why breaking NC after something that ended even long ago is typically a bad idea. Maybe it's just my experiences but no ex has ever reached out to me out of the blue who was doing great in life and happy and content.

 

I would block and delete her, let the sting die down, and then move forward with your life. It's been five years, if they want to reconcile with you they will usually say so and they will do so much sooner than five years later. And yeah, it's cold she did that, but having had this happen I would just not ever go down the road again and just stop responding altogether. I'm sorry you got hurt.

[my wax wings]

I think people are taking this wrong. I am not hurt by this. Not really. Like I said this is not something I was expecting or waiting for. And we are friends, and have been for a while. We have hung out regularly since all this has happened, and we communicate regularly as well. That is why this is so surprising, as I just assumed that this was dead and buried from her perspective. Plus I moved away. But perhaps you are right this is simply "nostalgia goggles" rather than the start something. Nice phrase, it genuinely made me laugh.

[toxigon]

Totally agree and thanks for feeling my pain man I teared, listen don't waste your money to travel and see her, she didn't waste a minute staying with you and it was free.

 

I am a loyal man, love of my life is ugly as I remember but had something special, I had better woman hitting on me on looks and behavior and I didnt dump her, I loved her for her bad and good and stayed loyal even when sometimes I couldn't stand her, that's true love, to accept everything and force your self not to fall for others, true loyalty to the person. Than she left, dude I wanna meet a loyal real woman, I think I will listen to my mom advice for arranged marriage and whoever is the wife love her and teach her love lol

[toxigon]

And by ugly that's not what I seen she was pretty to me but everyone told me she is not and everyone said leave her and I didn't give a **** what thy said.

[my wax wings]

I am travelling to see my family. I only get to see them for a month every year while I am away at university. And she has talked about saving up money to travel to where I live. So it is not some desperate attempt or anything like that.

 

And yes loyalty is a crucial trait in a partner, but it is not the only one, or the most important one. Ultimately it will come down to an unbreakable connection that will overcome time, change, distance, difficulties, maybe even a breakup/s. I don't know. But it really does get so much better man, and hopefully you will be bale to come back here like me one day and be able to say this same thing to someone who is in the thick of it.