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Very long... sorry, just need to put it into words.

 

So, I'm back. 5 months on from creating a post about my girlfriend finding another guy within a week of breaking up, people warning me if she did that she was probably a cheat anyway; some people saying it was none of my business and I shouldn't care. Well, we got back together after a week and continued on.

 

That brings me to the point of this post. After months of "trying" to make it work, me being manipulated into thinking i had insecurity issues, her telling me to seek therapy as i questioned things such as when she stopped haveing sex with me (The story to be was she was raped and then she was pregnant and had an ectopic pregnancy) therefore the last 12 weeks we haven't had sex, or when I questioned why I was only getting to see her once a week, sometimes less.

 

Wednesday I found out something that has destroyed me mentally. I believe now I do need therapy as it will take so long to unravel this. I haven't really eaten for 4 days, I still don't feel hungry. I slept for 4 hours the night before last, stayed up 24 hours and this morning all I could manage was 3 and a half hours. I'm broken.

 

She has been living a double life with me for god knows how long. She has been creating a life with another guy simultaneously as her life with me. I have reports after further investigation that they have been going out since January... we were living together until the fight in February, he had no idea! Now she's lost us both but even once I had evidence she still tried to lie her way out of it and blame it on me.

 

The ectopic pregnancy? It wasn't Ectopic. It was an abortion. She had slept with 3/4 guys in the space of a week while I was out of the country for a stag week in February just before we broke up. She was 18 weeks when she went for the pre-abortion appointment, she's a hefty girl so wasn't showing. The problem was I have always thought she was faithful to me and we were trying for a baby, she could not keep a baby that could not have been either mine or this other guy who she was living with so she said she had been raped, didn't want to report it (Colleague at work, fine line to whether it was as she claimed she "didn't say no" but didn't consent and didn't want it) or anything and then 7 weeks after claimed that it was either mine or the rape guy and it was ectopic. She was in and out in a day and said they had to vacuum it out. I now realise that what she had was a surgical abortion which is reserved for babies over 15 weeks in the u.k; if it was ectopic she would have needed keyhole surgery to remove the affected fallopian tube.

 

I took her to abort potentially my baby and I had no idea, I actively participated in the abortion and was none the wiser. I feel awful, even if it wasn't mine she did it without speaking to any of the potential fathers!

 

I've since got reports that the lies run further, in fact, I know they do as I have got months of messages where I have looked back and seen the lies; like I said she just can't tell the truth to anyone. She apparently had men around our flat while we were living together. The total man count of unprotected sex right now is probably double figures while we've been together, if not more. like I said we were trying for a baby, but she does not like condoms, she never has. All of these guys would have been unprotected. I'll be getting checked out next week.

 

It's like the stuff of fiction. I read about scenarios happening to others and always think "Damn, that could never happen to me, I'd know". Well, i didn't. I had suspicions but like I said was told I was paranoid and insecure. My life with her has been a lie (We was together 18 months prior to a 5 months split when we got back together in October). I don't know what's true anymore, who to trust, how to trust. I'm not devasted in the loss of her but the whole thing that surrounds it... how could I be so wrong about someone? How could I not of seen?

 

To finish it all off still she is making me out to be a fantasist, I have social anxiety, therefore, have never really integrated with her friends, didn't see her parents that much or anything. It turns out no one has heard about me since February. While I have been in a not-so-good relationship, no one else knew I was still around, that I still existed. The lies run so deep as I've spoken to her mum that she concocted stories of her family members being ill just to use as excuses to not be around much. Her mum hadn't heard about me since February, her friend (the 1 guy who would talk to me) hasn't heard of me since 2015. Luckily I've got months of messages to prove I'm not what she is making me out to be.

 

I don't get how someone could do this to a person. I truly believe in lying to this extent and living 2 seperate lives she must be mentally unstable.

 

2 guys live now crashed. I feel sorry for the other dude as he has a young kid and younger brothers that she integrated herself with. She's got what she deserves now, she's lost us all. That doesn't stop people like her though does it. She'll do it again to someone else.

 

It's funny the person who I have got information out of, who she runs to when things get tough warned me about her at the beginning, almost 3 years ago but she made me believe that this person was crazy. The first lie of many.

 

Sorry, this was long, I can't get it out of my head and this is only a simplified account of the scale of deceit and lies. I'll probably be back to write more thought. Don't know what to do, where to go.

 

I'm numb.

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Hopefully you kicked her out blocked her and went no contact. Sorry this happened, she sounds like a psycho.

She has been creating a life with another guy simultaneously as her life with me. She apparently had men around our flat while we were living together.
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You know she is. You knew who she was, sometime back. I hope you don't take her back, yet again.

 

Be more responsible with your decisions. Stop doing this to yourself.

 

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

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So you trusted someone who is toxic and as you say a pathological liar and cheat. Now that you know this, there is absolutely no reason to continue to have anything to do with her. You can simply tell her, "I now know exactly what you are and I choose not to have you in my life, get out."

 

And then you go and you grieve and you heal and you learn from this. And yes, that's hard, but staying with someone who continues to plant knives in your back every chance she gets is far, FAR, harder.

 

What no one ever wants to tell you is you do recover. You can love someone with all your heart and still decide they're bad for you and you want to get over it and then you do. Not easy, no. But nothing in life that's worth anything ever is anyways, so why not start learning to trust yourself first, get rid of the toxicity, and move on towards a better day?

 

P.S. Stop beating yourself up about that second chance you gave her. Rejoice instead in the fact that you DID give her a second chance and she just blew it, but in knowing the truth finally it has set you free of any lingering 'what ifs" you might once have had.

 

When you are in NC and have enough time to fully reflect you will come to realize that you were not at fault, and now that you know the full truth you're free to move on and find a better life without the stone around your neck dragging you down that she's been.

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How truly awful for you. I can imagine how numb and shook up it has made you feel. I think that given time you will overcome this and move on with your own life. We are sent many lessons in life - chalk this one down as a big lesson learn from it and move on. Take care

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So sorry for you Vastaux. I can completely understand how you feel as I have gone through and still going through a nearly identical situation. The sting will start to die off as you accept the kind of person that she actually is and not the person who you thought she was and loved. Being played and conned is an awful feeling I know. You deserve better and be happy that you actually did not have a child with this person as I did with a pathological two faced liar. At least you tried to be trusting and forgive her, that just shows your character. We will each find partners at some point who are genuine. Let it all go, go no contact forever, and don't let this mes with your head another minute. I can understand having trust issues and being reserved but just remember when your meeting another woman that this is not your ex. Always look for the red flags though and trust your instincts. That way if anything does happen your not blindsided.

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Thank you all for your insight, hard to believe a week ago that I found all this out. I decided it was best that I book and have seen a Therapist, not just for all that has happened but for my issues prior to getting involved with her such as social anxiety etc. I can't feel hate for her, I know I should, but it is easier for me to pretend she isn't as bad as it seems; I am still speaking to her, though I am trying between each message to increase the time and it will hopefully lead to me being "brave" enough to progress to No Contact as soon as possible. She wants to be my "friend" and "be there" for me but I know this is just a ploy to absolve herself of some of the guilt.

 

I will be stronger and I will get through this. My outlook is a whole lot more positive than a week ago.

 

Thank you again.

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