JJ's Diary of Dating

[John John]

With the passing my mom last year and my dad and sister going through their own sh*t right now...I have been making it a point to be stronger. It's definitely not always easy...but I do believe that my baseline level of inner strength has increased.

 

I'm for the most part able to get dates no problem at all. And I do well on these dates as I've had my fair share of second or higher dates, and women that I've turned down. I just need that golden opportunity. You hear so much about "timing" - if I could just meet a woman that I'm attracted to who is really ready for a great guy. A nice guy - not a "nice guy," as I'm not a doormat - but a really good guy who will treat her well (and is always nice outside the bedroom ). I just need the stars to align. I've learned so much from all the crap I've gone through these last few years, and I know I'm in a better position to be in a healthy relationship. And also to really value that kind of love. I just need to meet her...that's all I need...I can take it from there...

 

I'm not a super religious person, but I did pray last night. I think I'm just lonely and miss having that intimate connection with someone special. Tired of having to see almost everyone I know in happy relationships (although I've opened up my eyes a lot more to the fact that that I am SO not alone when it comes to this struggle). I can deal. What other choice to do I have? I won't ask for a light load, but rather for a strong back.

 

Just give me that golden opportunity...I just need that damn opportunity to present itself...mutual chemistry + someone who is ready and wants the same things = success.

[LightWave93]

Finally decide to give your journal a read; a lot's happened so I'll just respond to the last post.

 

 

Honestly speaking, I think you're fine. In fact, you're in a great position and it's only a matter of time. You have your sh*t, we all do, but you've taken steps to improve which is more than can be said for most. For you I believe it's simply a case of continuing to put yourself out there until eventually you click with someone. How and when that will happen remains to be unseen, but your time will come. 'n, not making this about me, but I think sometimes you don't quite understand how lucky you are...as myself and many other men simply cannot land a date. The ladies love you, my man, so enjoy being able to connect with them during your journey to find true love.

 

I must admit, I've done my fair share of praying too. I'm not religious either, and identify as Agnostic, but honestly if there is a God I think he abandoned me a long, long time ago. I guess, like you, it offers some temporary, fleeting hope.

[John John]

Thanks for what you said, LightWave, I appreciate it.

 

The thing is...there is ALWAYS hope. Having hope, though, makes us vulnerable, and that sucks. That's why we're always told "don't get too excited too early on" when you're dating someone. I think it's healthy/fun to get a little excited, but not be thinking "this might be my future wife!!!" sort of thing. Live and learn.

 

I hate being vulnerable, but to live is to be vulnerable, at times. So if having hope means I will be vulnerable, then so be it.

[Realitynut]

Yes JJ.....one always has to have hope. Stay strong.

[reinventmyself]

Thanks for what you said, LightWave, I appreciate it.

 

The thing is...there is ALWAYS hope. Having hope, though, makes us vulnerable, and that sucks. That's why we're always told "don't get too excited too early on" when you're dating someone. I think it's healthy/fun to get a little excited, but not be thinking "this might be my future wife!!!" sort of thing. Live and learn.

 

I hate being vulnerable, but to live is to be vulnerable, at times. So if having hope means I will be vulnerable, then so be it.

 

Personally, vulnerability is attractive. Not to be confused with neediness (I do not see you as needy, bytheway. Far from it.)

It's a very brave thing to be vulnerable with someone else. It's the essence of intimacy. Don't doubt that.

[LightWave93]

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

 

You've got it in the bag, JJ, I just hope the one for you arrives sooner rather than later.

[John John]

Yes JJ.....one always has to have hope. Stay strong.

 

Thanks RN. Great to hear from you. I hope you're staying strong as well

 

 

Personally, vulnerability is attractive. Not to be confused with neediness (I do not see you as needy, bytheway. Far from it.)

It's a very brave thing to be vulnerable with someone else. It's the essence of intimacy. Don't doubt that.

 

Appreciate this very much, Reinvent. I don't think I'm a needy person. I do think it takes a certain amount of strength, especially as a man, to be vulnerable. It stinks...but like you said, it's the essence of intimacy!

 

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

 

You've got it in the bag, JJ, I just hope the one for you arrives sooner rather than later.

 

I like this quote a lot (and what you said) - thanks LW

[John John]

One thing that I've been struggling with a bit, but less so overall, is the idea of time. I sometimes feel like I'm being cheated out of time with "the one" as silly as that might sound. I'm admittedly envious of some of my friends relationships (one of which really seems "perfect" in every way to me - and they met when they were 22 and never had to do online dating!!! grrrr lol), but that's because I'm human and want the same thing for myself. If I were a real jerk...I could have slept with so many women who were really into me that I wasn't that into. But I'm not...one night stands are nice one in a blue (been there done that a few times in my day), but I genuinely miss that special connection with someone.

 

I am fairly confident that I will find someone someday who I'm really into who feels the same about me (with...wait for it...the ever-so-important proper timing). Some days I just KNOW I will...some days I have my doubts. But...if I don't...what's the worst that could happen? I still have a lot to be thankful for...my health, my brains, good looks, great friends and family, best shape of my life, career, very solid bank account...I'm doing quite well. So if I never meet anyone...at least I will reach the end of my story naturally just by living my life!

[reinventmyself]

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

 

You've got it in the bag, JJ, I just hope the one for you arrives sooner rather than later.

 

Nice quote, LW. Thanks for sharing.

[LoveSoDeep]

Hi JJ!

 

I think you're kind of moving through this in waves. Some days you seem calm, cool and collected and others you seem to be more anxious. You know what though....that's totally normal! No one has it all together all the time. When you start to feel jealous or anxious try to think back to the things you are grateful of soon those moments of doubt will just be a fleeting thought. I'm not sure if they every go away for good but I think you're doing a good job of making them less and less prominent in your own mind.

[John John]

I've been managing a lot better. I don't mind being single anymore so much as the loneliness from that combined with not having as strong a network of friends as I'd like. I'm a really social person, and I don't have as many active local friends as I'd like. I have one good friend from high school, but he's not around the corner and is married. I don't really have any good friends from college - they all sort of moved on, got married, had kids, moved away...I have two more recent friends that I made in the past two years. They're both married, although one still goes out a good amount, but since he no longer lives around the corner from me, I don't see him as much as I'd like. And I feel weird always being the one to initiate plans (he does sometimes too, though) because I only know him for a year and a half or so. At one point we were hanging out a good amount and I consider(ed) him a good friend and I think he did too, but I'm always careful to not come off as too needy (either with women or with new friends). I just wish I had a friend I could just text to get a drink with at the end of the week...a friend who's known me since I was a kid. I have one good friend that I've known for about twenty years, but she's moving a little further away and has a kid on the way, so she has her own stuff to worry about. But she's still a good friend. I feel like once you're past a certain age, many people have their friendship groups formed, and they're just not as open to new friends as someone like myself would be.

 

Dating is about the same. Never have any trouble getting dates lined up. Nothing ever seems to go right with women that I like (for various reasons that need not be mentioned here). I've been at it with no break at all for a long time, so I think I might just hang it up and take a break at some point. Not give up. I never will. But take a break. Just sucks that I can't seem to find a woman I'm as into as much as I was the girl I dated for years...I feel like I'm going to have to settle and not have that "feeling" and that sucks. I met a woman this past weekend who is awesome in every way, but she didn't look enough like her pictures and wasn't as cute in person. I know it's terrible and superficial, I don't need to be schooled, but I can't help but not be as excited as I was before I met her.

 

Just got a new job and am in the best shape of my life. I've started doing yoga in addition to my rigorous workouts and really enjoy it. Professionally and physically everything is set. Mentally I'm a lot better than I was. I can totally deal with being single. But...I'm having a very, very hard time dealing with chronic loneliness from the combo of no relationship and no reliable close friends to do things with. It just sucks and I'm not sure exactly what to do to remedy the situation.

[reinventmyself]

I am sorry to hear you are still struggling JJ and wish I had a great answer for you because from where I sit you are doing everything right.

 

I think a break in dating is a good idea. It's been mentioned before because I think at some point you can be desensitized by it all.

It no longer feels unique or special.

 

You may just have to do something different to get a different outcome.

 

Much like abstaining from something anything. When you go without and try it again, you appreciate more and sometimes in a completely different way.

[John John]

Reinvent, I thank you for what you said. I appreciate your not chastising me. I feel like the people in my life (some of them, at least) blame me for everything. I know of course I'm responsible for my own life and decisions...but I can't help it if it's hard to find someone I like who likes me back. I can't help it if it's never a mutual interest or if something always seems to happen (texting misunderstanding, ghosting, bad timing, etc.).

 

I really have been taking this time to work on myself and also become a stronger person from the inside out. I really have been.

 

An added layer to all of this is that I associate the holidays with great loss. I lost that long-term relationship during the holidays, lost a pet around then, had surgery one year, and lost my mom during the holidays last year. So while everyone else gets to cuddle up next to their partner or be surrounded by friends they've had forever (or both! I'd settle for just one of those right now!!! lol), I have to navigate yet another holiday season all alone, while dealing with the bad memories I associate them with due to what has happened these last few years.

 

I know life isn't fair and I know others probably have it worse than me, and I don't mean to complain. I am a strong person, and I will survive, even if it means "living under a rock" until New Year's comes and goes...but it's hard. I still have hope. There's always hope. I just wish something would finally change for me.

[LoveSoDeep]

Hi JJ!

 

So good to get an update! It sounds like you're doing really well. I'm a very social person too and I know what you mean when you say you feel lonely. When I say that I feel like people don't get it but maybe I just need more interaction or a different level of interaction for that feeling of loneliness to subside then they do. I just take it with a grain of salt and move on...no use trying to convince them my feelings are real....always remember your feelings are real and they are valid you don't need other people to validate them. If you feel lonely then you feel lonely.

 

Something struck me as I was reading your other post...

Just sucks that I can't seem to find a woman I'm as into as much as I was the girl I dated for years...I feel like I'm going to have to settle and not have that "feeling" and that sucks.

Maybe you will never find another relationship like that one...and in fact you probably won't relationships are unique because people are unique and people change...in fact you've changed immensely. When you find the woman for you, it may not feel like that past relationship at all. It may be completely different and WAY better. Or it may have little tiny glimmers that remind you of the past and that's it. You may be putting a little too much effort into it being just they way it was before because of course that was a very good time who wouldn't want to get that feeling back. You may be expecting to feel some old familiar feeling when what might happen is that it's something totally new (and usually kinda scary for a second if I'm being 100% honest). Just know that it could be totally different and still amazing...try to open yourself up to that.

[Realitynut]

I agree. I think JJ is thinking a lightning bolt is going to strike him when he meets 'the one'. HA! If only it was that easy. Very seldom have I been immediately attracted to a person that I've dated when I first met them. My husband was one....got married and he was the biggest AHOLE ever. 20 years of crap.

 

The one that has been on and off for YEARS now...was not attracted to him physically AT ALL. NADA. But I got to know him and he made me laugh and giggle. Eventually, I let him kiss me. (long story, 10 months later) and it knocked my socks off. Great sex too! But unfortunately, a Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde personality.

 

What I'm getting at JJ is....I don't believe you have to have that immediate attraction. I really don't. It's called growing into love. The love you would have for your best friend, lover, partner...everything rolled into one. If you give someone a chance.

 

Sometimes that instant attraction is your Hormones kicking in....she's HOT, and the feelings you have are LUST. Not love...because you don't even know that person yet.

 

So please, give some of the plainer girls a chance, and quit thinking it of 'settling'. OMG....are you perfect? There are tons of imperfect women out there that are lonely and going thru exactly what you are. Wondering if they will ever meet the one....

 

There's an old joke out there:

 

This guy was looking for the 'perfect' woman. He searched for years and years. He wouldn't give up. Finally he met her. He was her dream girl. He made his heart flutter. He couldn't wait to ask her out. When he did, she politely declined. When he asked 'why'?, she simply said, "I'm waiting for my perfect man".

 

Get it? Find someone you can be friends with FIRST. Someone you have some things in common with, and go out and do them. If after a few dates and she makes you laugh, ask her out again. After a month, or 2, and you have sex (see...wait...you don't have sex with your best friend right off the bat! ) and it's great, your whole mindset will change. Suddenly this 'plain' woman will become beautiful in your eyes.

 

Trust me, I've had it happen over and over again. And I never felt like I was settling.

 

Now if she doesn't become your best friend, she doesn't make you smile when you think of her, or the thought of making love to her turns your stomach....then she doesn't have to become a sexual partner, but at least you'll have a friend. Someone to hang with, eat with, go to movies. Just let her know that...

 

You are waiting like LSD says, for the one like 'the one who got away'. Sorry. I have dated a lot in my 60 years, and NONE of them were a like. NONE. It makes me feel like I don't even have a type.

 

What I'm looking for now, isn't someone who will knock my socks off (that would be nice tho...lol) but some one who is kind-hearted, loyal, loving, generous, who will have my back through thick and thin.

 

Trust me....looks do fade. There is a woman out there who is going to be lonely thru the Holidays too. Ask her out...even if she's not your 'type'. If she seems interested in you...that's half the battle.

Hugs. I'm alone too. My birthday is Christmas eve. so double whammy.

And I'm old...you're not. I got married the first time at 32. My sis at 48. Sometimes it just takes a bit.

[John John]

LoveSoDeep and Realitynut - just wanted to thank you both for the really great and frank advice. I think you're both right...part of what I have been doing, and I know I need to stop doing this, is looking for a woman/relationship that reminds me of my ex or what I had with her. That's never going to happen again...I know that. She was my first love, and that's something that can't ever be replicated. It doesn't/shouldn't render subsequent relationships any less special. They'll just be different, hopefully better.

 

I also will admit that maybe I've been too picky with looks. I know that's wrong, but I have to say that I don't think I've ever really shot for women out of my league. I've been able to "get" (either sleep with/a few dates/short relationship) some very attractive women. So I think what I've been doing is...trying to find a woman who is in that "league," but who is also genuinely compatible with me. With these women, I pretty much did feel the instant attraction, but like you guys are alluding too, that "lust" often fades and then there's not much left many times. Sometimes there is, but that hasn't been the case for me yet. Maybe it's impossible to find both. I know I'm not perfect. I never said I was, trust me I don't think I am, and I'm not looking for a "perfect" woman, although I guess I can understand how you might arrive at that conclusion.

 

I have been dating this one girl for about a month now (no sex yet - you guys should be proud of me!). I'm not sure how I feel about her now in the sense that she's really reserved and I'm really outgoing. We've only hung out a number of times because we live far from each other, but I feel like I'll see her one or two more times to make sure. And I'm also about to be introduced to a girl who seems really sweet. I'm not sure about her looks, BUT I am most definitely going to meet her with an open mind.

 

I'm really trying. More than you guys might think. I'm trying to change (for the better). Change isn't easy, but I know it can be very, very rewarding. So I'm going to keep trying.

 

On another note, the holidays suck. I associate them with terrible loss. Went through that terrible breakup (that brought me to ENA in the first place) years ago during the holidays, lost a pet that same holiday season, and then lost my mom last year...so I pretty much hate the holidays. BUT...again...I am open to trying to build new memories that will help overcome the negative ones.

 

One day at a time, right? I feel hypocritical saying this...but happy holidays, guys :)

[reinventmyself]

 

On another note, the holidays suck. I associate them with terrible loss. Went through that terrible breakup (that brought me to ENA in the first place) years ago during the holidays, lost a pet that same holiday season, and then lost my mom last year...so I pretty much hate the holidays. BUT...again...I am open to trying to build new memories that will help overcome the negative ones.

 

One day at a time, right? I feel hypocritical saying this...but happy holidays, guys :)

 

I wish I had some magic words for you, JJ. I am so sorry for all your losses. Just keep keepin' busy and the next few days will fly by.

Here's to Great New Year.

[John John]

Not sure how much longer I'm going to keep this diary, as I feel as though people may be reading my posts and (incorrectly and somewhat unfairly) thinking that I've made zero progress over the course I've had this diary (and my time on ENA)...but for now...

 

No longer seeing that girl. It just sorta fizzled. I got tired of her vague and short texts towards the end, and I tried to give her a pass, since she had a parent that was sick (but has since recovered from what I understand). The last time we hung out together it was awkward, and she even apologized for being "off," and I totally understood since she had other stuff on her mind. But given the distance, the fact that I didn't like how she stopped initiating plans with me (even though she always responded to my texts - she was the last one who texted, and that was Christmas Day), and I guess maybe because the timing may not have been right...I've lost interest. I probably could get one more date out of her, but I'm just not interested in making the effort. She can text and arrange plans with me, if she likes.

 

The girl I met through a setup wasn't attractive at all to me in person, but (of course) we really hit it off. I'm just not attracted to her at all. I can't imagine ever being physical with her. I just can't. And it wouldn't be fair to her given that I'd never be fully in it with her.

 

Have a first date tomorrow with a new girl. I'm trying to be what I like to call "cautiously excited," but I'm finding it really hard. I don't want to give a bunch of explanations on here, because I feel like people don't believe me and seem to think I'm looking for a runway model...but I've made a great deal of effort in so many areas, and that includes expanding my "type" and what I find attractive. I'm not as picky as it would seem - there have been plenty of women that I've gone out with that I've liked who just didn't like me back, we had mutual physical attraction but nothing else, they chose to ghost me after a dates, the timing wasn't right/fizzling (like with the girl I was dating for a while), online dating/texting misunderstandings (believe me, it happens,) etc. But I am at the point where it really seems like I'm just not getting the "luck/timing" part right. And if that doesn't happen, all of my efforts in other areas are rendered pointless.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm super lonely and horny lol (haven't been doing casual hookups - just not my thing right now). But more lonely. I kind of want to stop online dating, but then I feel like I won't be meeting anyone at that point. I mean, I did meet a woman at yoga a short while ago, but after giving me her number, she never responded to my initial text (and I know it was her number, she just chose to ignore me for some reason) to meet up. I DO make an effort to approach women in real life (in a non-creepy way), but it's harder than you think where I live. Everyone has RBF, walks 1000 mph and just seems generally uninterested in interacting with humans in real life. I feel like women especially are very weary of being approached by guys (and part of me understands that), but maybe the ones I like (probably) are all taken or just don't like me hehe.

 

I don't get it. I know I'm a damned good catch with a ton to offer. I think I'm an intelligent, attractive, hard-working and genuinely good person. And I'd like to be a father. I just don't get it. I understand that it seems like I'm so focused on the end result, and I think that's fair. But I don't go into each date thinking "she's the one." I try to be cautiously optimistic just so I can be present and be "into it," if that makes sense. But...I feel as though I've been wasting soooo much time with dating. And the only way to stop dating is to keep dating! So I'm stuck on the wheel (especially as a guy, I HAVE to keep making an active effort to meet women) until I find someone...

[John John]

I agree. I think JJ is thinking a lightning bolt is going to strike him when he meets 'the one'. HA! If only it was that easy. Very seldom have I been immediately attracted to a person that I've dated when I first met them. My husband was one....got married and he was the biggest AHOLE ever. 20 years of crap.

 

The one that has been on and off for YEARS now...was not attracted to him physically AT ALL. NADA. But I got to know him and he made me laugh and giggle. Eventually, I let him kiss me. (long story, 10 months later) and it knocked my socks off. Great sex too! But unfortunately, a Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde personality.

 

What I'm getting at JJ is....I don't believe you have to have that immediate attraction. I really don't. It's called growing into love. The love you would have for your best friend, lover, partner...everything rolled into one. If you give someone a chance.

 

Sometimes that instant attraction is your Hormones kicking in....she's HOT, and the feelings you have are LUST. Not love...because you don't even know that person yet.

 

So please, give some of the plainer girls a chance, and quit thinking it of 'settling'. OMG....are you perfect? There are tons of imperfect women out there that are lonely and going thru exactly what you are. Wondering if they will ever meet the one....

 

There's an old joke out there:

 

This guy was looking for the 'perfect' woman. He searched for years and years. He wouldn't give up. Finally he met her. He was her dream girl. He made his heart flutter. He couldn't wait to ask her out. When he did, she politely declined. When he asked 'why'?, she simply said, "I'm waiting for my perfect man".

 

Get it? Find someone you can be friends with FIRST. Someone you have some things in common with, and go out and do them. If after a few dates and she makes you laugh, ask her out again. After a month, or 2, and you have sex (see...wait...you don't have sex with your best friend right off the bat! ) and it's great, your whole mindset will change. Suddenly this 'plain' woman will become beautiful in your eyes.

 

Trust me, I've had it happen over and over again. And I never felt like I was settling.

 

Now if she doesn't become your best friend, she doesn't make you smile when you think of her, or the thought of making love to her turns your stomach....then she doesn't have to become a sexual partner, but at least you'll have a friend. Someone to hang with, eat with, go to movies. Just let her know that...

 

You are waiting like LSD says, for the one like 'the one who got away'. Sorry. I have dated a lot in my 60 years, and NONE of them were a like. NONE. It makes me feel like I don't even have a type.

 

What I'm looking for now, isn't someone who will knock my socks off (that would be nice tho...lol) but some one who is kind-hearted, loyal, loving, generous, who will have my back through thick and thin.

 

Trust me....looks do fade. There is a woman out there who is going to be lonely thru the Holidays too. Ask her out...even if she's not your 'type'. If she seems interested in you...that's half the battle.

Hugs. I'm alone too. My birthday is Christmas eve. so double whammy.

And I'm old...you're not. I got married the first time at 32. My sis at 48. Sometimes it just takes a bit.

 

Also RN - happy belated birthday!

 

I'm trying to really take your advice. More than it might seem.

[reinventmyself]

Here's to a New Year, JJ!

I am sorry you are still somewhat stuck. . It must feel very old and frustrating.

As for me, I am interested in your updates. I hope you'll continue to come back.

[John John]

Here's to a New Year, JJ!

I am sorry you are still somewhat stuck. . It must feel very old and frustrating.

As for me, I am interested in your updates. I hope you'll continue to come back.

 

Thank you reinvent :) I guess I've always been the kind of guy who goes after what he wants and isn't afraid to put the necessary hard work in to get it. It just seems that in this one area, nothing ever seems to work out for me. I don't really know what I'm doing wrong, or if I'm doing anything wrong at all. I somewhat like the idea of "stop trying," but then I worry that (especially as a guy) I'll never meet anyone if I don't make any kind of effort. Everyone else around me seems to find it so damn easily...why can't I...?

 

Happy New Year to you too :)

[John John]

Thank you, JJ. I have a new name because I'm not stuck anymore. ...

 

You do the work. Do you meditate or do yoga?

 

Bringing up an old post. I now do vinyasa/flow yoga at least twice a week, and I absolutely love it. You'd think I'd have met a nice woman there by now lol. Everyone seems so afraid to talk to each other in real life these days...

 

And still lifting heavy weights, of course. Fast approaching a 405lb deadlift.

[LightWave93]

Wishing you success in the New Year, JJ. Keep checking back, I'd love to read the success story!

[Clarisse]

Happy New Year, JJ. Here's to a hopeful, healthy 2018.

[John John]

Not sure why I even bother with this diary anymore since I feel like people are tired of and have a certain opinion of me...but...for sh*t and giggles before I maybe have this diary deleted in the near future...

 

The last six women I've met:

 

1. Great date. Great conversation. Lots of kissing. Texted a bit afterwards...then she ghosted me.

2. Her pictures were completely and utter lies. She looks super different in person. And even though I tried to get past that, the conversation sucked anyway. So yeah...

3. Her profile sounded great, and she said "never married." Meet in person. Super attractive and nice...but a half hour in she tells me "so yeah, I used to be married, and I'm 6 months out of a divorce." Apparently her ex husband had an affair. I tried to be open-minded because I have baggage too...but I think she's just not ready for anything serious, which I completely understand, since it's only been 6 months. So she's a no-go...

4. Got back in touch with a woman I dated briefly last year. We texted, and while we're still meeting up next week, she said she still has feelings for another guy. I appreciated her honesty, but I'm thinking wouldn't hurt to hang out platonically. Maybe she knows someone.

5-6. Two were set-ups arranged by my dad. I wasn't attracted to either of them. I tried to be, but I just wasn't. I just couldn't imagine ever having the desire to have sex with them, as mean as that might sound.

 

At this point, there are very few people I will speak to about this in real life because people just don't understand. Everyone I know has been with someone forever, and many of them never even had to do online dating. So they just don't understand how you can have every possible scenario take place except for success, and have this go on for so long.

 

Maybe I'm destined to be alone. Maybe it's just my fate, for whatever reason. Despite how my diary might sound and what others on here might say about me, I do not come across as a "Debbie Downer" at all in real life. I am the first to admit my mistakes and I am my own worst critic, but I have to give myself credit in that I really honestly do not think I'm doing anything wrong. I know I've made mistakes in the past with coming on too strong to women, but I don't do that anymore. I have had terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE luck, and for so long.

 

Part of me really wants to give up on actively dating...but again...as a man...especially where I live...I feel like I have no choice but to keep putting myself out there. So...I feel as though I am completely stuck on this hamster wheel. I really have worked on myself, developed new hobbies, new friends, have done my best to maintain as positive of an attitude as possible, try to get excited (but only to a healthy degree) when going on dates...but I feel that all of my hard work has been futile. Why do I have to have the best years of my life...my relative youth...wasted on something as torturous and soul-crushing as dating? I know I'm not alone...and I know others have it WAY much worse than I do. But it doesn't negate my pain and my loneliness. I think I'm entitled to my feelings.

 

And to further prove my point that I do NOT come across as desperate/sad/depressed in real life - two people have recently told me (without my asking) that I come across as "bubbly/happy/funny/upbeat" in real life. These are people who know me well and know my struggles with dating (the little I talk about it). So no...as sad/depressed as this diary may sound, it IS separate from my real life persona. Because I know I've been called out on this on here, so just wanted to disprove that once and for all.