I Could Really Use Some Direction

[springwater]

I'm really at a loss with my dating life. As some context, I'm in my mid-twenties. I have a fantastic career, I work out daily, I have fantastic friends and family, and I have plenty of hobbies outside of my career that keep me busy. At this point, I would love to have a partner in crime to share my life with, but I, by no means, need a man in my life.

 

In the past few months, I have just completely struck out and I'm rather confused as to what I'm doing wrong.

 

Guy 1 I met through a mutual friend. We had an instant spark. We hung out 2-3 times a week for a month. He would hold my hand in public, take me out all the time to nice places, and he always told me how amazIng I am. He, out of nowhere, completely ghosted me. I wasn't demanding of his time (I let him set up the majority of our dates and I didn't text him much inbetween dates except to coordinate when we would hangout next). When we were together, we never so much as had a simple disagreement. We both were pretty giddy the entire time. The last I saw him, I made him dinner and we watched a movie. He texted me the next day about the gym, and then I never heard from him again. It really devastated me, because I had pretty strong feelings for this guy and we had a wonderful connection.

 

Guy 2 I went on one date with. Can't say it was the best date ever, but I would have gone on another date with him. He kisses me goodnight and we texted the next day. After that, I texted him the day after and it took him 12 hours to respond (it was a weekend, so I find it hard to believe he just didn't look at his phone for 12 hours on a Saturday). I chose to answer his text the next morning because I didn't want to instantly respond to someone who obviously was in no rush to communicate and I never heard from him again either (which I'm not all that upset about anyway).

 

Guy 3 I met, again, through a mutual friend. We were all out with our respective groups of friends. We danced all night and he asked me while we were dancing if he could take me out on a real date. The next day he texted me asking if I got home safely (I live about an hour from where we went out). This was on Sunday. I haven't heard from him since either, which I find out because I really thought he would want to meet up.

 

I just don't really understand why guys seem to not want to pursue me. I've always been told that I should let the guy do the chasing, but it doesn't seem to be working out for me. Any advice or ideas?

[DancingFool]

What you describe are just normal pains and ups and downs of dating. 3 guys is not even a drop in a bucket and so you don't have enough of a sample size to say there is something off about you. Just par for the course really. Keep dating and keep looking. If it was easy to find the right person, there would be no single people and everyone would be married to the love of their life as soon as they turn 18.

[Wiseman2]

Get on some dating apps with a nice profile and some pics. Begin messaging and meeting men. However often it's just hit or miss, keep trying.

 

Being excessively passive in your dating life can appear as indifference which may explain the fading 6608304] I've always been told that I should let the guy do the chasing, but it doesn't seem to be working out for me.

[melancholy123]

Did you text guy 1 to find out what was wrong?

[springwater]

Did you text guy 1 to find out what was wrong?

 

After I hadn't heard from him in a few days I texted him asking him to call me after he got out of work. He said "ok, I will" and I obviously never heard from him.

[springwater]

Get on some dating apps with a nice profile and some pics. Begin messaging and meeting men. However often it's just hit or miss, keep trying.

 

Being excessively passive in your dating life can appear as indifference which may explain the fading

 

I guess I just don't understand where the line is then, because I made it clear to Guy 1 that I was really into him and was excited to see where things would go.

 

As to Guy 3, I don't imagine I should be the one to text him and ask him to meet up this weekend?

[Wiseman2]

3 you only met a few days ago. Did you reply to his text and mention you're looking forward to seeing him again? If not text and invite him for drinks.

Guy 3, I don't imagine I should be the one to text him and ask him to meet up this weekend?

[springwater]

3 you only met a few days ago. Did you reply to his text and mention you're looking forward to seeing him again? If not text and invite him for drinks.

 

Yes, we had a brief exchange. The conversation ended with me saying "see you soon. Enjoy the rest of your weekend" and him saying "yes. Thank you, you too". I just find it odd that he hasn't reached out to make plans yet. Perhaps I'm overthinking this.

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like blowing him off. Why not act enthused about seeing him again? Why does he have to do all the work/contact/inviting? Too passive/blasé = no dates/second dates. It's really that simple.

 

This fairy tale that guys want to chase like starved wolves after women just to get a date is holding you back.

"see you soon. Enjoy the rest of your weekend"

[springwater]

3 you only met a few days ago. Did you reply to his text and mention you're looking forward to seeing him again? If not text and invite him for drinks.

 

He doesn't need to do all the work, but I've always always been told to let the men do the pursuing in the beginning otherwise you come across as needy or desperate.

[imsuperman]

He doesn't need to do all the work, but I've always always been told to let the men do the pursuing in the beginning otherwise you come across as needy or desperate.

 

If you're interested, show it or run the risk of men thinking you're not.

[Wiseman2]

But if it keeps backfiring why continue to do it?

I've always always been told to let the men do the pursuing in the beginning otherwise you come across as needy or desperate.

[jujusamples]

He doesn't need to do all the work, but I've always always been told to let the men do the pursuing in the beginning otherwise you come across as needy or desperate.

 

Have you tried to broaden up your horizons? Join a dating website, join the dating activities group for singles, speed dating? You've only dated 3 guys, sometimes you have to kiss 100 frogs to finally meet price charming. Some people are lucky, they meet and connected right away, some people aren't. Sometimes even if you are nothing trying to pursue or act desperate, the guy somehow still takes it as that. It's best to have options so if 1 doesn't doesn't work, you move on to the next. It's the art of dating, it's exhausting. I remember getting to the point of being jaded. I couldn't handle it anymore and when I gave up and not care about finding Mr. Right anymore. I found my husband via online dating. I didn't think anything at first, but now we are married. I guess it worked out when I stop putting pressure on dating. I just took as meeting a new friend.

[ManyDates]

After I hadn't heard from him in a few days I texted him asking him to call me after he got out of work. He said "ok, I will" and I obviously never heard from him.

 

Did you reply to his text about the gym? If not and it was silence for a few days he probably was expecting that to be a dear John phone call you asked for - I would have peaced out right then too.

[springwater]

Did you reply to his text about the gym? If not and it was silence for a few days he probably was expecting that to be a dear John phone call you asked for - I would have peaced out right then too.

 

Yes, I responded. He sent a picture of himself at the gym (we both lift almost every day), and I sent back "looking good, glad to see you back in the gym" because he stopped lifting for a week when he was sick.

[ManyDates]

Well that sucks - but previous posters are right, 3 in is far too minimal - I am 75 in : /

[springwater]

Have you tried to broaden up your horizons? Join a dating website, join the dating activities group for singles, speed dating? You've only dated 3 guys, sometimes you have to kiss 100 frogs to finally meet price charming. Some people are lucky, they meet and connected right away, some people aren't. Sometimes even if you are nothing trying to pursue or act desperate, the guy somehow still takes it as that. It's best to have options so if 1 doesn't doesn't work, you move on to the next. It's the art of dating, it's exhausting. I remember getting to the point of being jaded. I couldn't handle it anymore and when I gave up and not care about finding Mr. Right anymore. I found my husband via online dating. I didn't think anything at first, but now we are married. I guess it worked out when I stop putting pressure on dating. I just took as meeting a new friend.

 

No, I haven't pursued online dating yet. Between working 80 hours a week, the gym, and my dog, I certainly haven't made dating a priority. But reading what I write, I can certainly see how I would be giving off a nonchalant vibe.

 

Thanks for everyone's advice. I decided to text guy 3 to see if he was available for coffee or dinner this weekend and he promptly returned my text with a lovely phone call. Perhaps he was just shy. Thanks again.

[Ms Darcy]

I just don't really understand why guys seem to not want to pursue me. I've always been told that I should let the guy do the chasing, but it doesn't seem to be working out for me. Any advice or ideas?

 

Don't be so passive.