Staying in NC for the Wrong Reasons/How to Kill All Hope

[ibecomeashade]

Hi everyone

 

It's been almost 2 months since I was dumped and about 2-3 weeks of NC? (Not keeping count) and I think I've been doing okay so far, only with the usual bad moments when a old memory hits or when I overthink about him with some other girl but it's been manageable either way. Let's just say college and friends HAVE been a big help.

 

So anyway, although I do not want to break no contact (not gonna lie though, the urge is almost always there) but I feel my reasons for not breaking it are always all over the place but the usual reasons why I stay NC seems to be defeating the whole point of doing NC???

 

One of the reasons why I justify not contacting him with the idea that if I love him, I would respect his wishes of leaving him alone and letting him move on. Also, because constantly contacting him will show A LOT of immaturity on my part and the fact that he kept saying I was immature throughout the whole break up process really makes me want to prove him wrong (Is this immature of me? Probably. Haha).

 

But the real reason why I stay in NC is to make him "miss" me. I KNOW THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF DOING NC and it infuriates me SO MUCH. I get annoyed at myself for having this hope that he's going to come back. I tell myself constantly, 'He's not coming back." but yet a small flicker of hope lives inside me.

 

I know staying in NC, and focusing on other things will make it go away but what if it doesn't? I'm sorry if I sound neurotic.

[justletgo07]

Try to go easy on yourself. You haven't been NC that long, and how you're feeling is normal. That hope takes a while to let go of, and by staying NC you're doing the best possible thing to move you toward letting go.

 

Just like you shouldn't be worrying about whether NC will bring your ex back, you should also not dwell on whether NC will work to help you heal. Just take it one day at a time, and love yourself.

[ParisPaulette]

Just keep going, that hope thing sticks around for a while before your heart finally starts listening to your head. If you don't go NC you end up usually getting used and getting your heart smashed repeatedly. If you do go NC you end up healing and moving on. Then is usually when they make a reappearance, IF they do so, and you can look at it and usually at that point you're kind of indifferent. Or you've had time to really reflect on the relationship and say, "You know what? Let's not do this again."

 

BTW they never show back up on your doorstep when life is going well for them, never. You're usually the port in a storm when life is crappy and they need an ego boost. Just fair warning.

 

But anyways don't beat yourself up, breakups are an entire process as is going NC. You will go through stages, up and down, but over time you'll see those "down" times become less and less.

 

Nothing you say suggests you aren't healing and moving on. As to them forgetting you, that happens years down the road, not immediately. Unless they're the sort of person who sees others only as a commodity to be used and discarded, at which point trust me you do not want that kind of person in your life anyways.

 

Stay NC, you're going to be okay. Find some new thing to take up doing that excites you and gets you out of your head and the house, it will help.

[polaris]

As catfeeder is fond of saying, emotions follow behaviours. The most important thing is to adopt the NC behaviour, and if you need to give yourself the wrong motivation to do so, then go for it. As long as you stick with the NC, eventually you'll come round to the right motivation, and that flicker of hope won't so much go out, as become irrelevant to you.