In love with a totally wrong woman

[4dvz]

I met the woman I love almost 4 years ago. I fell for her really hard, and we moved in together after 6 months of dating. I was really happy with her and she was happy with me, but then she started changing. At first she was the sweetest and kindest girl I had met, but then her whole personality just started taking a turn into something else. She became very different from myself in many levels.

 

She started developing this kind of rock/rebel mindset you can see teenagers having, and her values in life became really shallow in my opinion. She used to have great values in the beginning, but they just changed. She started wearing different clothes. Her sense of humour became really offensive towards me, for example she started making jokes about her having sex with someone else while we were out together, that person sitting next to us. She tought it was funny and I had no sense of humour when being angry with her. She became addicted to a certain drug, that we had really hard times battling against. She starting developing crushes on people who I would describe as losers really, she never admitted them but I knew what I saw.

I was always paying like 80% of our expenses, and had dreams about buying a house etc, but her dreams were about something completely else. She started to become really mean towards me. It felt like she didn`t really love me anymore. Then we broke up 2-3 months ago.

 

She started contacting me again at some point, telling me how much she misses me, and also told me that she loves me still. I missed and love her also a lot and nothing I felt for her hadn`t really changed, and we decided to give it another try. She moved in back to my flat last weekend, and we promised each other to try to make compromises in order to find a common future.

 

That didn`t go exactly the way I planned it to go. We have been fighting every day, and those differences we started developing have just been developing into even greated differences. Now I feel like I`m in love with a monster.

Even tough she was the one who started missing me, it still feels like she is so cold and emotioneless towards me, that I can`t understand why she wanted this. We were out yesterday with my friends, and she started making jokes about wanting to get gangbanged by me and my friend. Because we had promised each other to make compromises, I tried to be cool with her rude humour, and just tried to move on to another discussion topics. She kept saying the same stuff in many points during the evening, and eventually I broke and got really angry with her. I basically yelled at her about her lack of respect towards me, and she yelled to me for my lack of humour.

I really feel like it`s impossible to reason with this person, and loving her will only bring me pain and sorrow.

 

When we initially broke up I didn`t eat or sleep for a week at all. Now the pain I have is even greated, because I know my heart still belonged to her after months of separation. I wish I could just throw her out and forget I never met her, but man.. loving a completely wrong person this much is the hardest thing I ever went through.

[jujusamples]

This is why I always advise people not to get back together once you break up. You need to get over the initial relationship before you could even consider getting back together and that won't be for years down the road. The reason is because whatever causes the breakup to begin with has not been resolved. The second time around is always worst. It's alot harder to get over. That being said, I don't think you two are compatible. People change and people grow apart even though they are still together. Unfortunately she started becoming addicted to drugs. It's not easy to deal with a drug addict. It messes with people's mind, hence the weird sense of humor and behavior.

 

You have to ask yourself if this relationship the way it is something you want for the long term? I don't think it's going to get better. Unless she cleans up and get off the drugs and get help for the mental damage the drug has done, nothing is going to change. If you answer is no, I suggest you break it off and go no contact. You really need to stick to the no contact this time no matter how much it hurts you. Work on yourself, meet new people, join a gym or a class. Keep yourself busy.

 

Sometimes that's just life, we live and learn. You might get your heart broken but with every relationship you will come out learning something from it. Take it as a lesson learnt. Take it as gift, a gift to allow you to move onto to someone else whom is more compatible with you. someone whom doesn't make silly offensive jokes. Someone whom will give you more respect. I know it's easier said than done, but if you do it, you will realize that you dodged a bullet. This relationship is toxic, it's just going to drag you down further into a rut.

[Gary Snyder]

You said she changed over time. When they change, that means thier love levels drops. The looking at other guys and threatening to cheat could be her lashing out because of resentment - the fallout after love.

 

You have to figure out what it was..... did you take her for granted in one of these four areas?

 

1) romance

 

2) affection

 

3) trust

 

4) respect

 

You might be able to find what was missing and rebuild her love for you.

 

Or, it's possible it's the drugs - drugs can really mess a person up. I hate to say it, but if it's drugs, it may be a lost cause.

 

Also, since you broke up, that's a really bad sign. There are many good relationships/marriages where the couple never breaks up.

 

Counseling if she'll go with you would be a good option.

[4dvz]

Thank you for answering.

 

No this is not the kind of relationship that I want, not by any terms. The sad fact is that I`m desperately in love with her It`s like my heart has it`s own will, that I can`t control. That`s why I stood up with her for so long even tough she offended me in almost every level a companion possibly can.. I had actually already started dating a new woman who seemed like a really good person before she contacted me again to tell me how much she misses me. I didn`t really even have to think before giving up with the woman I just met, and giving her another chance. It was like I had no chances, I have such strong feelings for her.

 

I must have done something wrong for her, like taking her for granted at some level as you said Gary, but I just don`t know on what level. I have always tried to treat her as good as I can, but I also demanded loyalty and good behaviour from her, maybe on levels she was unable to live with.

[jujusamples]

I know it's hard but if this is not the relationship you want, than you just have to suck it up and break up with her. Stick to no contact. You could even try blocking her on you phone so she can't contact you. It may feel really potent at first but it will soften. It will get worst before it get's better. As time goes on, you will feel less for her. It just takes time. It is only going to lead to resentment if you keep this up. It will just get worst and worst. Just take any little bit of sanity you have left and try to work on yourself, do it for yourself.

[sentiententity]

She sounds awful. You'll be better off without her.

[Wiseman2]

Anyone can put on an act for a while to get what they want. Drug addicts are virtuoso at this. Don't be manipulated, end it and have her move out. Save your sanity for someone who is responsible and drug-free.

She became addicted to a certain drug.I was always paying like 80% of our expenses.That didn`t go exactly the way I planned it to go. We have been fighting every day, and those differences we started developing have just been developing into even greated differences.

[vlove]

Honestly I agree with the not going in reverse thing because you guys broke up because of something if it was something that could have been fixed then it would be fixed with out separation so start moving on now so when you kick her butt to the curb you can do it with a smile

[Zaphod]

I met the woman I love almost 4 years ago. I fell for her really hard, and we moved in together after 6 months of dating. I was really happy with her and she was happy with me, but then she started changing.

 

LOL. Good thing that's not a common occurence otherwise we'd all be... oh wait.....

 

She sounds like she's turned into a nobhead. Perhaps this is really her and she was just putting on good behaviour for you in the beginning?

 

Dunno why you wanted to compare it to "rock" - I like rock and roll, but don't behave in such a fashion, and I think the majority of us rockers don't, quite the opposite in fact

 

Don't worry, we;'ve all been there. I have at least a couple of times. Get with a woman who seems warm and fun, and turns out ot be cold and boring, and you're left scratching your head. It's almost as if they put a spell on ..... oh wait.....

[Wiseman2]

It's almost as if they put a spell on ..... oh wait.....

[video=youtube;xeXqtzusIU0] ]

[Zaphod]

[video=youtube;xeXqtzusIU0] ]

 

Aha, you like the Creedence version eh? That's interesting, most people go Simone (not realising it was done by anyone else), personally I go Hawkins. Not met many Creedence-ers with that one. What a voice.

[llyybbss]

I met the woman I love almost 4 years ago. I fell for her really hard, and we moved in together after 6 months of dating. I was really happy with her and she was happy with me, but then she started changing. At first she was the sweetest and kindest girl I had met, but then her whole personality just started taking a turn into something else. She became very different from myself in many levels.

 

She started developing this kind of rock/rebel mindset you can see teenagers having, and her values in life became really shallow in my opinion. She used to have great values in the beginning, but they just changed. She started wearing different clothes. Her sense of humour became really offensive towards me, for example she started making jokes about her having sex with someone else while we were out together, that person sitting next to us. She tought it was funny and I had no sense of humour when being angry with her. She became addicted to a certain drug, that we had really hard times battling against. She starting developing crushes on people who I would describe as losers really, she never admitted them but I knew what I saw.

I was always paying like 80% of our expenses, and had dreams about buying a house etc, but her dreams were about something completely else. She started to become really mean towards me. It felt like she didn`t really love me anymore. Then we broke up 2-3 months ago.

 

She started contacting me again at some point, telling me how much she misses me, and also told me that she loves me still. I missed and love her also a lot and nothing I felt for her hadn`t really changed, and we decided to give it another try. She moved in back to my flat last weekend, and we promised each other to try to make compromises in order to find a common future.

 

That didn`t go exactly the way I planned it to go. We have been fighting every day, and those differences we started developing have just been developing into even greated differences. Now I feel like I`m in love with a monster.

Even tough she was the one who started missing me, it still feels like she is so cold and emotioneless towards me, that I can`t understand why she wanted this. We were out yesterday with my friends, and she started making jokes about wanting to get gangbanged by me and my friend. Because we had promised each other to make compromises, I tried to be cool with her rude humour, and just tried to move on to another discussion topics. She kept saying the same stuff in many points during the evening, and eventually I broke and got really angry with her. I basically yelled at her about her lack of respect towards me, and she yelled to me for my lack of humour.

I really feel like it`s impossible to reason with this person, and loving her will only bring me pain and sorrow.

 

When we initially broke up I didn`t eat or sleep for a week at all. Now the pain I have is even greated, because I know my heart still belonged to her after months of separation. I wish I could just throw her out and forget I never met her, but man.. loving a completely wrong person this much is the hardest thing I ever went through.

Here's my opinion, it might not be in agreement with many of the people here. You might not understand why you love her and that is OK. But she became addicted to drugs after you guys moved in together, it must be a result of some personal or emotional issues she was going through. Instead of looking at the issue she was having, you might need to find out the root causes. The root causes are usually something deep, tracing back to childhood or teen years, or they could be a traumatic experience. It seems that you love her very much, and being away from her was unbearable, then why not try to help her to become a healthier person?

My ex left me when I was going through some issues, and he didn't love me enough to help me to grow or to get better.

The person who loves us the most isn't the one who stays with us when we are at our best, but the one who never leaves us when we are at our worst.

[4dvz]

It`s true she clearly had issues back then when she got addicted. I don`t think she is addicted to the same stuff anymore, but these days she just drinks all the time instead it seems. I have been unable to help her even tough I tried for years, and she is not even admitting any problems in her relationship with these things, and never has. She only gets mad when confronted about them, or anything really.

 

Anyways now that our 1 week test is about to be over today, I`m 99% sure of letting her go for good. She is not willing to do a single thing for us anymore, and to be honest I don`t think she loves me really, and I have been blind with my love towards her, which has blurred me from seeing who she really is. For what she started to miss me and wanted to do this, remains a mystery for me, but I think this morning when I woke up I was finally able to look at her laying in bed, beautiful as always, not thinking I want to touch her, but instead thinking that I want to be free from her more than I want her anymore.

 

To me she is now just a spoiled brat who only cares about partying, who never had to take care over herself or anything real in her life, never during our relationship was able to talk about any of our problems or do a thing for them nor problems of her own because I was always there to do everything for her and pay everything for her, and took everything she ever had for granted including me.