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Is my girlfriend breaking up with me?

Petermiller

By Petermiller
in Breaking Up Advice

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Petermiller Newbie

Petermiller

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I'm currently in my 3rd year in college. This girl had a huge crush on me for almost the whole first semester of college (she's a freshmen 18yo) and I didn't really notice her during that time. At the beginnig of the 2nd semester she finally found the balls to speak to me and we met for the first time and we immediately connected very well and started dating. At some point in the beginning when it started to become a real relationship I messed up and made out with another girl at a party and she found out through her girlfriends who saw me. She was really hurt because of it and was about to leave me because she felt like she couldn't trust me anymore. I apologized to her multiple times and told her how much she means to me and that I was drunk and it will never happen again etc. She eventually forgave me. So after that the relationship started to get very intense. I was very committed to her and told her on a daily base that I love her and how much she means to me. She did the same. It was my first love and her first love and also her first time having sex. We fell in love with each other and it became very serious. We spent a lot of time together and basically had contact on social media and texting all day every day. This phase went on for about 3 months. We had some minor arguments during that time but nothing serious. The whole times it was clear that I was going to go to Shanghai during the summer (I'm currently here) for a semester abroad which would last 2 1/2 months. So up until the point I left everything was great except some small fights that were solved very quick. Especially the last couple of weeks before I left the country were very intense. She introduced me to her family and told her sister that she thinks I might be her husband one day. And I spent all of my free time with her and always tried to make her happy and make sure she's doing well. However, after I left for Shanghai, things started to feel different to me. I felt like she was being hot and cold to me. On some days I felt like she was being very sweet and she made me feel like I'm everything to her which I loved because I feel the same way about her. But on other days I felt like she was being very cold and mean towards me and I felt disrespect. In retrospect I have to admit that I might have been a little clingy and needy on some days just because I missed her so much, but I could say the same about her on some days. Through this relationship I realized that I have some major insecurities and my attachment towards her was unhealthy at times. Anyways, we had a couple arguments and phases where we didn't talk for a couple days because we were mad at each other. It all escalated at some point in a big fight in which I (regretfully) told her that I need a break from her to reevaluate the relationship and come clear about some things. I think that really hurt her a lot. But I was very confused and angry during that time and didn't know what else to do. After a couple of days I called her telling her that I made a mistake and that the whole break thing was a huge mistake. But at that point she told me that her mind was already set for the break and that she doesn't feel like coming back together with me right now. I was very sad after that conversation and felt like I messed up and the relationship was over now. So unfollowed her everywhere on social media to get her off my mind and not be confronted with the pain. A day after I did that she texted me that she is really hurt about me unfollowing her on social media. And we started talking again and made up. We decided to keep in touch but just be friends for now because we don't want rush into a relationship again in which we both get hurt again. So after that we still had decent contact and my feelings for her were still very strong and I felt like hers for me were too. We still talked pretty much every day but sometimes she was being cold and mean towards me again. But now whenever she was like that and I felt like there might be an argument evolving out of it I backed down. I used to be more dominant before but I felt like the state of the relationship was my fault because I was the one who intiated the "break up". So I like I said I backed down when I felt like she could get mad at me and I always tried to keep her happy and keep things positive and respectful even though I felt disrespected sometimes. And it seemed to work. Whenever I did that she instantly became nicer and more respectful and it gave me hope that if I just swallow my pride sometimes the relationship could get back to where it once was. This is about 4 weeks in the shanghai semester. About a week ago she started acting really nice and interested in me and we had some deep talks about our relationship and seemed like we were getting back to where we once were. She even started telling me that she loves me again which she didn't do since the "breakup". I did the same. 2 days ago we've had a great conversation on the phone and we laughed together and told us that we love each other. And I felt really in love with her and was sure that I "won" her back. Nevertheless, the next morning she texted me that she wants to take a break from social media and even whatsapp for a while and I might not hear from her. I have to add that the only way we have been communicating over the last 5 weeks was social media and whatsapp. And we both only have whatsapp because of the ldr so the fact that she wants to get rid of that means that she doesn't want to talk to me specifically for a while. However I stayed cool and told her that it is okay and I'll still be on whatsapp if she ever feels like talking to me. She was being very brief with her explanation and just said things like "relax, I'm okay just feel distracted and consumed from social media and need a break" and her last text was literally "lol no thx!!! Bye talk to u Idk when!!!" And haven't heard from her since. So its been 2 days now and I'm really hurt and confused. I don't know if that's her way of breaking up with me or if she needs distance from me because she misses me so much or whatever? I'm just really freaking confused tbh! I have been checking her social media accounts and it looks like she really hasn't been on there, so I guess she is not lying about that part. However, why can't she keep her whatsapp? It really feels like she's breaking up with me but doesn't wanna tell me directly. But its so weird because we have been doing so well lately and she literally told me that she loves me the night before. I'm deeply in love with her and don't wanna lose her but I don't know whats going on here or why she avoids me. I'm scared she fell for another guy because I wasn't physically around to give her love and spend time with her. Im still going to be out here in Shanghai for 5 more weeks and I feel like I'm gonna go insane worrying so much all the time. I would appreciate any good advice on what to do and what this could mean and how I should proceed with this entire relationship. What do you guys think? Did I lose her?

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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Posted

You should just see when you get back home. i wouldn't communicate with her until then. Enjoy your trip. It is very hard to hear that someone wants to take a break from you - and then you left, so she immediately feels broken up with. It was not a great move, but you can't take it back. I think that we say things that are harsh, but often when we are angry, we say what we really feel you either meant to hurt her feelings or really wanted a break up and she doesn't deserve to be threatened with a breakup just because you are mad. Don't stalk her on social media - enjoy your trip.

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