Is she worth it?

[walker83]

Ill start by saying we both played our part in arguments, and recently I offered for us to do couples counseling that way we did not have a source from family or friends getting involved. So for the second time during an argument she has left. The first time it was a night out where we lived and lied about where she was for some time. The second time she went to her mom way across the country with intentions on coming back so she claims. Now 3 weeks later she said that she would need 6 more months of time away. Keep in mind I have kids who got to know her very well over the past years. Also I assume this means no counselling either so I called and no returned phone calls from her in three days. Just so you know I have not called again and she is aware that I called and feels its best to only text. During this three days our anniversary passed and still no call from her, but can text a lot. Oddly if I do not answer her text fairly fast I am accused of being on dates or she must be bothering me. Something seems off and I am trying to be mature and not give up so fast since there are children involved and our own feelings involved. We have bills together, that now was told over text that I have till the end of the month to switch them even though we both took responsibility. Money is not the issue but everything seems time restricted but she wants to come back in 6 months? Oddly her mail stopped coming almost to the day she left like it was planned seemly but I could be overthinking that part. I never cheated or physically abused her in any way even though she was very aggressive. I guess my question would be. Why would she do all these things? and is she worth waiting for? Or is this just one of those text book cases where things do not look good for us.

[reinventmyself]

Sounds like a slow fade.

Easier than pulling the trigger I suppose. Back out slowly and hope you won't notice. It works because you permit it.

She's in control here. Are you willing to wait for her on her terms, however ludicrous they may seem?

Or do you have some say so about how you might handle your part in this and your expectations?

[nutbrownhare]

Basically, it sounds as though she's left you - but is continuing to text to maintain some kind of control.

 

It's sad about the kids, but you need to take care of their welfare as well as your own and cut your losses. Consider this relationship to be over in any meaningful sense, and get on with all the practical stuff you need to begin your life without her.

[j.man]

Or is this just one of those text book cases where things do not look good for us.

I think this would be the understatement of the year. I'm sorry things have gone down this way, but it's time to forget about her and look to your kids.

[Wiseman2]

Yes it sounds like she planned to escape and isn't coming back anytime soon. Your kids have you and their own mother so even though they liked her, they have their own parents.

 

Did you live together? Did she leave stuff there?

The second time she went to her mom way across the country with intentions on coming back so she claims. Now 3 weeks later she said that she would need 6 more months of time away. Oddly her mail stopped coming almost to the day she left like it was planned.

[walker83]

I was willing to meet her in the middle and just take a month or so and we could try counseling when she got back but seems to be no say so or me allowed to talk on the phone or skype

[walker83]

She did some minor things but pretty much took most of it. We lived together for 2 years and now she wont no responsibility for things we signed for, which OK financially since those are easy fixes. Just not sure why someone would leave bills behind

[Wiseman2]

Are they hers? If so she can pay them on line. If they are both of yours, did she stick you with them? Unfortunately it sounds like she's gone for good

Just not sure why someone would leave bills behind

[walker83]

I think to and for myself I felt I would have peace with all this by getting the feed back from others. She left with the power, cable, gas which had her name on it and the cable was in her name only but when she left she didn't warn me of all this and helped run up a cable bill and other utilities while living here. Which is fine I will pay apparently but just odd someone would use certain accommodations and feel they do not have to share the utilities after agreeing to it being I already pay the rent in full. I very oddly was given a few days to change everything which I am not even sure if that was a threat or not because if I dont? I guess she could cut it all off and I would have to restart everything because honestly little confused on why I would have to take her off when she could do it all herself. Sucks someone not only leaves but to say I have to increase my outgoing budget very shortly

[Wiseman2]

Yeah, transfer them to yourself or just pay them. Restarting would be a hassle.

She left with the power, cable, gas which had her name on it and the cable was in her name only. I very oddly was given a few days to change everything

[dave_1966]

Same old story, she's in control at the moment and leading you around by your nose making a fool of you. Most likely there's someone else in the picture, but you'll never find out because she's keeping you in line for 'six months'. You know, just in case. The mail shouldn't be a surprise either, she arranged a redirection to coincide with what she had planned for you. The bills are small potatoes compared to what she would have had off you if you were married, so count yourself lucky.

 

Block all her phone numbers, her email, social media, everything. Your kids are way more important than this fruit loop, blocking her will get you over it as quickly as possible and allow you to move on to someone more stable.

[walker83]

thank you for that advice, As a man ill admit this stuff is hard and thank you for the support and time