Me [22 M] dumped by ex-GF [25 F] of 2.75 years, trouble coming to terms with it

[MrHonestleeful]

Ex-gf been with me for nearly 3 years and living together with me broke all contact with me 2 weeks back.

 

This started when she called for a break (of 2 days) in our relationship citing cultural and religious differences. I agreed to take this break to think about our differences and to reach a decision together when we meet after the 2 days.

 

However when we meet, I find out that during those 2 days she had reconnected with an old classmate she had a crush on and told him of her feelings for him. He doesn't even live in this country and came here just for his summer break. I knew they were friends and she was meeting him but she never told me that she liked him before she met me. I was devastated upon hearing that she went as far as expressing her feelings for him... because I believed our relationship was unbreakable, esp since I've been there for her through so much positive change in her life and effectively helped her overcome a 6-year abusive relationship previous to ours.

 

Upon asking her for some explanation as to how this could even happen so suddenly or what she felt lacking in our relationship (I gave her food, accommodation, love... everything I could) I receive not much apart from ''oh our interests/cultures/religious views don't align". I have a hard time believing this because she didn't bring any of this up for 2 years...

 

I asked her about her new-found feelings for the other guy, to which she gives me ambiguous statements. Somehow I understand that she really likes this guy now and loves to talk to him. Of course, it breaks my heart into a million pieces to hear that from her, but I can speculate that he can probably talk to her about the topics she's suddenly interested in whereas I cannot (I'm not religious) and maybe that's why she likes him.

 

However, through the whole discussion, she never once said anything nice about me or the time we spent together and seemed so apathetic about my feelings and nonchalant about the breakup. She asks me to go and take care of myself or talk to my friends. She reveals to a mutual friend that she ''feels bad for me and has never seen me this upset... but cannot give me the answers I'm looking for because anything she says is not enough"... and is fine if I need to hate her to move on. It doesn't seem like she is guilty one-bit or has any sort of concern/regard for what I may be going through.

 

I do understand that closure is a thing I have to give myself. I also understand that while the breakup seemed to come up so suddenly, issues were probably building in her mind for a bit (which I wasn't made aware of).

 

However, I wasn't given a chance to fix things and honestly absolutely cannot come to terms with her not saying a single nice thing about our time together and being so callous about breaking all contact me (2 weeks ago). The last time we spoke on the phone, she was super mean to me and it makes me hate/regret all the nice times we spent together and being vulnerable to her. Living alone in my home is now driving me crazy and my anxiety levels are sky-high. I cannot understand how she could be okay with me hating her, or justified in telling someone else that she liked him after meeting him just twice on our non-permanent break.

 

 

I feel like I gave her way too many chances to explain herself and in hindsight, I wish I dumped her before she told me off and blocked contact with me (ending things her way). Her apathy and hostility towards me in the end is what hurts the more than her dumping me for sudden ambiguous reasons or her leaving me for someone else. All I would have loved to hear is that she loved me or appreciated all my help and care for her. Right now, I feel very insecure and feel like I'm developing trust issues. Besides feeling worthless and abandoned, I feel very insulted. How can I cope with this? How in the world can I move on?

 

 

I feel like I gave her way too many chances to explain herself and in hindsight, I wish I dumped her before she told me off and blocked contact with me (ending things her way).

 

tl;dr: Gf of 2.75 years leaves me suddenly for another guy, citing ambiguous reasons. She was super hostile towards me in the end, and nonchalant about dropping those bombshells on me. She blocked all contact and ended things on her terms... and I'm feeling worthless right now. Need help.

[Wiseman2]

Agree she's been cheating with this guy. No contact is best, even if it's hard.

 

Good point 6607113] ''oh our interests/cultures/religious views don't align". I have a hard time believing this because she didn't bring any of this up for 2 years.

[jmann45]

Damn man that sounds very harsh. Yeah i agree with you thats a vague excuse. And to put you down after all that, that just shows what type of person she REALLY is. You say you helped her overcome an abusive 6 year relationship. Allow me to correct you, you helped her overcome a 6 year relationship, and it took you 2.75 years to do so. Thats the brutal truth. And now that shes over it, shes back to her true self again, which is an ignorant and selfish person. She gave you a hint of that at the end when she didnt say even one good thing about your relationship and gave you this bs excuse that she apparently had not thought of over a 3 year time span.. yea right sounds very believable/sarcasm. The best thing to do is to just do exactly what you were doing before you met her. And instead of thinking about the breakup, learn from this. And try to find out what you did wrong.. with that being said,

 

the place im noticing where people make a mistake is when they try to "pursue" someone else and give your "all" to her. i believe that a relationship can last longer if the guy continues to do what he was doing in the beginning and only entertains/hang out with his girlfriend when he feels bored or so on. When youre in a relationship and you start telling yourself "how can i even be happy without her", you start giving off a different vibe. Who knows, maybe you started giving off this vibe 2 years in, or 1 year in. But it happened. And the position youre in now, proves that thats how you were thinking of your relationship with her. During any relationship, you should be able to see yourself without other person. If you cannot, you need to step back from the relationship and reevaluate where you, as a person, stand in your own life.

 

Im not 100% sure if that was the reason of her leaving you but it does sound like it by reading your post. Just learn from what really happened. Were you too involved in the relationship? More than her?? Really look back and evaluate where you stood and where she stood within these last few months of the relationship. And im sure youll notice a difference of how she communicated with this past year compared to the first year of your relationship. Its muchhh easier said than done to get over it, i know. But just accept the facts and move on. Shes gone, the worst thing you can do at this point is go back to her to try to get her back. If you need closure, i suggest you send her a long message about how you truly feel. And make this message so that you will feel like everything you have wanted to say to her is IN THAT MESSAGE. after its sent, you have to promise yourself to block her from EVERYTHING. let her hear whats in your heart. and that is usually a pretty decent closure. Again, much easier said than done.