Unwelcome hugs from stepfather-in-law

[Andrina]

I'm in my 2nd marriage of 5 years, been together 7. Although my in-laws presence always has been a source of some stress, inappropriate hugging is recent. My husband's stepfather has bad manners, (table and otherwise). He's socially awkward and inept. We had them over for Christmas. When he hugged me, facing me, I felt let it was perverted with a little wiggling and lasted too long. Fortunately, we only see them 2 or 3 times a year.

 

We went to see their new apartment, now an hour and a half away. My husband told me to tell them I recently had a cold and shouldn't hug them, but I figured I can't use that excuse every time. I held out my hand to the perv, and thought that worked out well, but after I hugged my mother-in-law, he rushed up to hug me and I kept it sideways and brief, which is bad enough but not as bad as frontal.

 

After we went out to eat, my husband and I said goodbye and with hands loaded with a drink and leftover box, we rushed to our car. I put my stuff in the car and waved from afar. Again, the perv rushes up and I keep it as a sideways hug again.

 

If anyone has any suggestions of how to get out of hugging him in the future, I'd appreciate it. It's a slippery slope to try to keep a family gathering from becoming awkward and tension-filled, although I'm the one subjected to feeling like that by anticipating having to hug the gross man.

 

I don't particularly care for either of my in-laws, but make myself see them occasionally for the sake of my husband. Perhaps someone has some ideas I haven't thought of. Thanks for listening.

[dave_1966]

Start 'developing' a claustrophobia issue that is triggered by hugging. Tell them that a hug can lead to a full blown panic attack. Shaking hands is ok though, just about.

[Seraphim]

Step with a high-heeled shoe directly onto the top of his foot every time, grinding it into his foot? Then say OMG! Sorry! Do that a few times he might leave you alone. If anyone complain say oh my God I'm just so clumsy .

[boltnrun]

LOL one of my friends' grandfather was always feeling up his own granddaughters and their friends. One time I was over at the house swimming and the tag from my swimsuit bottom was sticking out. He offered to fix it for me and started to head in my direction. I simply said "no, please don't" and moved away from him. It seemed to work because he never tried copping a feel ever again. At least, not off of me.

 

So, maybe a polite "no, please don't" would suffice.

[jujusamples]

Yikes, I really feel for you. It must be really awkward. What I would do is; since he's your husbands family. I would suggest your husband talk to them. He could just simply tell them, my wife is uncomfortable with hugging people, and it's not just you guys. That way, they won't take it defensively and not think it's just them. The reason I said for your husband to say is because it's his family, a lot easier for them to understand. If you were to say it, they might take it the wrong way and it might backfire.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately if you hug the mil the the fil wants a hug. Your husband sounds quite understanding.

 

Tell him you joined a cult where hugging nonmembers is forbidden. My husband told me to tell them I recently had a cold and shouldn't hug them, but I figured I can't use that excuse every time.

[Fudgie]

"No, thank you" and move away. Say you have a cold and you don't want anyone to catch it. That's what i say when I don't want to touch or hug someone, whether it's true or not.

 

And yes, you can use it every time. If he tries to call you out, say you have a bad immune system. Trust me, this perv knows what he's doing. Don't worry about hurting his feelings by doing this. It's polite, subtle, yet direct.

[Andrina]

All good advice, thanks. I should have another 3 or 4 months to consider all the possibilities and finalize my best laid plan.

[Gary Snyder]

Tell him you have shingles on your back, so you don't want to hug.

[Jibralta]

Surely other people in the family have to fend this guy off. How do they deal with it?

[catfeeder]

I'd just stick to the sideways thing with one arm while pulling my other arm across my chest.

 

It's 2 seconds a couple times a year, and not worth the worry.

[Doc Blaze]

If she doesn't feel comfortable with it, then it is worth the worry..

[Seraphim]

Maybe don't hug the mother-in-law and that way the old perv won't come running over. God I hate when people touch me in any form when I don't like it.

[Andrina]

Tell him you have shingles on your back, so you don't want to hug.

 

Yes, I've thought of saying I have some sort of painful permanent rash issue.

[Andrina]

Surely other people in the family have to fend this guy off. How do they deal with it?

 

Only a granddaughter lives in the area. Other relatives live out of state and visits are extremely rare.