Think I'm ready to leave boyfriend of 8 years

[Perdida]

Hi,

 

I'd really appreciate any thoughts on the situation I'm in right now. Basically I started going out with my current boyfriend when I was 22 and he was 29 (he is from Spain but was working here at the time). To cut to the chase, I moved to Spain to be with him 5 years ago and we are currently living together, but he has changed so much from the person he was when we met. Both of us have and I know that's natural, but I don't think I can put up with it anymore.

 

Although he used to be quite complimentary in the beginning, all I get now are insults about my appearance passed off as jokes. He never says he loves me and I have to ask him whenever I want a hug because he doesn't like them. When he used to live with his (male) flatmates, he used to help out with the cleaning but now everything is left to me and he has taken to not showering for three days at a time and not flushing the toilet whenever he goes in order to save water I know these things might seem petty, but I feel like he doesn't care enough to want to make an effort when he knows that these things are important to me.

 

He never wants to go on holiday with me (we went two years ago, but he says that is because I was on and on at him) and gets angry if I suggest it, nor does he want to go on dates without his friends.

 

A lot of this is my fault because I think I haven't stood up for myself enough from the beginning. The truth is, he's always been so forceful and I think I was fine with that because I was so young, but I don't think I can change it (or him) now. I have dreams that I want to achieve (I would love to go to Athens and learn Greek) but he tells me there is no way he is leaving the small town where we live.

 

Whenever I leave Spain and come back home or go on holiday with family, I feel so much happier and confident. When I go home, I'm so weepy and emotional and that can't be right surely?

 

Anyway, sorry if this is a bit rambling. I just wanted to get my thoughts off my chest and get some feedback. Do you think I am being completely unreasonable here? Obviously there are good things, but it just feels like I'm more of a convenience to him than anything else. But then I feel so guilty for wanting to leave...

 

Thanks for reading

[Wiseman2]

Sadly, this tells you everything you need to know. It sounds like there are cultural differences as well as no commitment after five yrs.(next time do not move to someone and give up everything unless there is)

 

The relationship sounds stale and expired and as if everything is taken for granted. You are not married or a citizen, so you can leave at any time.

Whenever I leave Spain and come back home or go on holiday with family, I feel so much happier and confident. When I go home, I'm so weepy and emotional and that can't be right surely?

[Gary Snyder]

If you have the guts to save the relationship, cut off sex. When he asks, "What's wrong?", only then will he be ready to listen to what you've told us here and be willing to stop taking you for granted.

[dias]

From what i read i think the relationship has come to it's end . I would say don't waste any more time if you want to pursue your aspirations . Good luck

[Perdida]

Thanks for taking the time to reply guys, really sage advice. Cheers

[Ms Darcy]

Live your dream and go to Athens alone. That way you kill two birds with one stone. You get to travel as you hoped. And you get to be happier.

[Hollyj]

Time to move on.

 

This man does not love or respect you. He has clearly shown this with his actions.

 

I can't imagine being with someone who didn't flush/bathe and, and is small-minded and boring. He sounds awful!

 

DO NOT stay with someone for time invested. Don't you think you have sacrificed enough of yourself!