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Ever since elementary school(currently 21) I always wanted to be the cool kid. So I tried really hard to be that kid which resulted in me trying to be someone I'm not and I found it difficult to connect with people. It ended up being I was so focused on trying to be this alternate version of myself and making sure every kid I interacted with saw me that way that my body language/things I said all had to be what I think "they" wanted to hear in order to see me as a cool kid. It brought anxiety and other things to the table around 6th grade. Something happened though where I broke out of that some miraculous way and started to be this goofy kid who enjoyed making people laugh(that was something that made me feel like me and felt great not having to put any pressure to be someone I'm not). But me being me I decided to use that feel of self and still try to make myself be the cool kid so hard, but always made sure to hold that sense of self while doing it knowing that was the key to doing it. I got good at it too and was able to work on myself to come off very down to earth, great sense of humor, etc.


I was able to talk to girls comfortably now, but down the road I got depressed for cheating on a girlfriend. Instead of letting myself go through mourning I thought I couldn't let myself do that since people don't enjoy being around a debby downer. So I began feeling emotionally exhausted and slowly, but surely I'm back at square one where this started. I lost my sense of self because everything became about the people I'm around and how I have to be someone they like which incidentally is quite opposite cause I'm coming off trying to hard if that makes sense.


So now I have no sense of self and am stuck in trying to be someone other people want whether it be my parents, co workers, friends, and all that. It's pretty bad and I feel trapped in it until hopefully another miraculous occurrence happens.


Anyone else feel this way or ever feel this way?

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Hey I always wanted to be the cool kid from elementary school to college years. I've never been the cool kid. I've been a cool person. Being cool or popular is a temporary thing in life. Believe it or not, if you are popular, then people will forget about you within a year or so. I'm not trying to be mean. It's tough feeling comfortable within your skin, when parents, friends and family want you to be a certain person. My parents are very strict and traditional. They wish for me to be this very traditional woman. lol. I try to be whomever I want. Give yourself a break from relationships and dating. Maybe try to reconnect with yourself. What personality traits do you like of yourself? It's better to be yourself. Yes, I feel this year too. I'm trying to find ways to be myself and learn about what makes me happy.

Take your bad experience as a lesson to learn from. Let the sadness go. Breathe in and Breathe out. Good luck!

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Yes. Take more time by yourself. Go out and explore nature alone. Do hobbies that involve yourself and completely away from people. Find your happiness in you again and remind yourself that your happiness is not dependent on others perspective of who you are; but rather who you know you are without acting.

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