I'm about to break up with my boyfriend, he now may have cancer.

[Nina2]

My boyfriend of two years and I have a long distance relationship. We have managed to see each other regularly as he lives only a 5 hour drive away. I did move in with him in his town for 9 months but could not find work there and this caused a strain on the relationship. I moved back to an apartment in the city and have now started on a new career which involves a lot of studies. For a year now this is how we've been going. Not ideal, but we decided to face the challenges which has been difficult. About 2 weeks ago I went to him for a few days and we decided to plan for the future by purchasing a house together and for me to eventually move back after I've completed my exams and we discussed marriage.

Although we are inclined to have differences of opinion quite often, it seems that since we spoke about getting married he has become more demanding and controlling than he already is.

My downstairs neighbour brought a stranger home for coffee that she'd met at a pub and asked if she could bring him to my apartment instead as she felt that there was safety in numbers seeing as she did not know him yet. I agreed regardless of the late hour. My bf phoned during that time and when I told him the story he went crazy and started yelling at me, which is one thing I don't accept. I told him I'd speak to him in the morning when he is more rational. The next morning he was again yelling at me and wanted me to apologise to him for having a stranger in my flat. I refused as I will not be forced to apologise for something that I don't think I did wrong. We have only been texting each other since with very short and impersonal messages. He has been having a few health issues in the past few months and this morning after visiting his doctor he is being sent for an MRI to test for possible lung cancer. He told me that I have to now make up my mind if I want to stay with him before the results are out as he does not want me to stay with him due to pity.

I honestly don't know what to do. I've been thinking over and over again during this past week if I really want to stay in this relationship that I feel has become rather toxic. He is a bit of a narcissist and has huge anger issues which he struggles to control. I want my life to be peaceful and harmonious and I just don't see this happening with him. Now with this new found knowledge of the possible outcome of his MRI scan I feel guilty and sorry for him. Any advise would be much appreciated. My bf is also 13 years younger than me, I'm divorced but he has never been married although he does have a son out of wedlock whom he shares custody of.

[Wiseman2]

It may be time to really reconsider this. You have a lot of insight into this and buying a house together and going forward is not wise.

if I really want to stay in this relationship that I feel has become rather toxic. He is a bit of a narcissist and has huge anger issues which he struggles to control.

[ThatwasThen]

He told me that I have to now make up my mind if I want to stay with him before the results are out as he does not want me to stay with him due to pity.

Your inner voice is trying to protect you from a possible life of verbal abuse and control attempting irrationality. Let him get his MRI and then have him end it so that you don't have to listen to his verbal abuse for not doing what he demands of you.

[limichelle]

Definitely don't stay with him if he has cancer. My friend did that with her controlling, verbally abusive boyfriend because she didn't know how to leave because of his testicular cancer.

 

I say leave now and listen to what your gut tells you. Never ignore your intuition.

 

 

Lisa

[conwy]

I was/am in a somewhat similar situation. My ex may have cancer, but I didn't find out until I broke it off. I was overcome with guilt and almost went back to him. All of the advice I got on the matter was that it isn't healthy for anyone involved to stay out of pity. If you're genuinely questioning your future with him and you decide to stay, you may both grow to resent each other. I would listen to your inner voice as others have mentioned. Good luck.

[Nina2]

Thank you all for your valued advise. I sent him a msg saying that I'm ready to have that talk and that he can give me a call when he is ready. He now wants to only give me the call after his MRI results. I told him that its ok. Whenever he is ready.