Could do with some advice after a recent breakup.

[SpeedyKoala]

Hey everybody!

 

I want to write this to try and get things off my chest but could also do with some advice and outside perspective. I’ve gained a lot of support from friends and family but there’s always going to be a bias there and quite frankly I think I need to be told if I’m being a fool or not!

 

So essentially, me and my ex of 6 months (we’re both 24) broke up about 1.5 months ago. I felt it was a great partnership with loads of potential, we’re both a bit anxious so was slow to start but I felt we were great for each other. But anyway, one day we’d spent the afternoon talking through some issues we were having and decided to move from there but then morning comes around and she says it’s not going to work and drops me. A few days later I ask her to meet me because I simply didn’t understand why she’d done it, and it came down to feelings just not being very strong anymore. It hurt, especially when mine were still there, but I went away amicably feeling now I had some closure I could move on.

 

I now see that it was communication that was our problem really. Neither of us spoke about things that were troubling us so instead of working through them we let them fester and to be really honest it wasn’t until after we broke up I realized that there were things that were bothering me (like her being a little distant at times or not talking about issues). But now I can see what the problem was I want nothing more than for us to be together again and work on it. Like I said, we were great for each other, helping our anxieties, being there when we needed support, having romantic nights out and awesome memories.

 

But anyway, I do NC for a good month then text her again to try and test the waters (I work with many of her best friends so know that at some point I will likely see her again and wanted to build a friendly rapport if nothing else). I kept it short but we were both friendly and positive. She texts me a few days later and again we had a friendly chat for a good hour and things seemed to be fine. Then I text her for a third time and she starts putting xx’s on the text like we used to. I ignore it assuming it's just habit but she does it twice then apologies for it and I haven’t heard anything from her since - it feels super awkward at the moment.

 

It’s been almost 2 weeks since then and I want to text her see how she is but I think I’m coming around to the idea that maybe she should contact me now (after all, conversation was fairly casual until she said that and made it awkward). I’ve got a pretty busy three weeks now so am tempted to go NC again in that time and see what happens. Like I said, I truly want her back and there’s been little hints she may regret/confused when she broke up with me. They’re only small and I may be clutching at straws but stuff like; very friendly even slightly flirty texts, she didn’t change her fb cover photo of us for well over a month after breakup and our mutual friends say she has been pretty down recently. Also, at the time I was too much of an emotional wreck to process it but when we were breaking up she asked “how do you know I’m sure I want this” which to me anyway, is a pretty big indicator she was somewhat confused.

 

Anyway, I kind of wanted to lay the story out for the world and get your opinions. I want her back and in my life so much and I still love her but feel she may need more space before I try talking to her again and to be honest I think I do too to try and process these new thoughts.

 

Sorry for the long post,I just wanted to make sure I got all the details. Cheers for any input guys!

[Clinton]

Couple of things. Relationship was only 6 months and she'd lost feelings in that short time. That's not a lot of time to build a lasting connection that might survive a breakup.

 

You keeping in touch is just holding you back. She's done nothing to indicate she wants to reconcile.

 

Playing games with NC will get you nowhere. If you really think there's a chance to reconcile, ask her out on a date and see where it goes. This cat and mouse crap is useless. Fate favors the bold(although this seems done)

[SpeedyKoala]

The more I think about it the more this seems to make the most sense. I've got two options, stick with NC and see if anything changes or go out on a limb. Text her a bit, see if she responds positively then ask to meet up maybe the following day. We could have a friendly chat, see where things go and bring up my current feelings and see how she responds.

 

There's a part of me that wishes there had been an argument or serious meltdown because then I'd at least know where I stand whereas at the minute these friendly chats and little hints aren't doing me any good.

 

Sounds like a good idea to me at the minute, what do you guys think?

[Clinton]

Screw the texting to see her response thing. Just ask her out on a date. Her reaction to that will tell you a lot. Then if it isn't favorable go back to NC permanently.

 

And don't get your hopes up.

[Wiseman2]

yes, wait for her to contact you. At this point you are crowding and chasing her and that is off-putting. She knows where you are if she wants to chat/reconcile, she'll contact you and say so.

talking through some issues we were having and decided to move from there but then morning comes around and she says it’s not going to work and drops me. it came down to feelings just not being very strong anymore. maybe she should contact me now