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Happy 3 month anniversary of being single


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Today marks exactly 3 months that I've been a single woman. I've reached my lowest lows, And I crawled out of it. I feel empowered and much stronger than I was when I was with him. Not to sound cliche, but I'm a strong independent woman, and I never felt that way when I was with him even though I was the ONLY one making any "bread and butter". He brought nothing to the table and the table was always empty because I was giving him my all.

Do I feel lonely sometimes? Most definitely. Do I miss him? All the time. But I feel like I've grown as an individual. So thank you "J" for walking out on me on our two year anniversary, because you attract what you are, and since we've been apart, I've become an amazing person.

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How long have you been nc?

 

Well... Only 3 weeks (tomorrow)... But in my defense the only reason I contacted him was because I found out through a mutual friend that he burnt something of mine that was sentimental to me and I just couldn't help but let him know how hurt I was.

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Today marks exactly 3 months that I've been a single woman. I've reached my lowest lows, And I crawled out of it. I feel empowered and much stronger than I was when I was with him. Not to sound cliche, but I'm a strong independent woman, and I never felt that way when I was with him even though I was the ONLY one making any "bread and butter". He brought nothing to the table and the table was always empty because I was giving him my all.

Do I feel lonely sometimes? Most definitely. Do I miss him? All the time. But I feel like I've grown as an individual. So thank you "J" for walking out on me on our two year anniversary, because you attract what you are, and since we've been apart, I've become an amazing person.

 

 

3 months for me as well!

Im glad that you are feeling better now.

I feel good now too but sometimes I get mad for letting him mistreating me. He had a lot of problems (from depression to addiction) but he had no right to make me feel like !

Better days will come

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3 months for me as well!

Im glad that you are feeling better now.

I feel good now too but sometimes I get mad for letting him mistreating me. He had a lot of problems (from depression to addiction) but he had no right to make me feel like !

Better days will come

 

 

Depression and addiction were exactly what motivated my ex to be such a waste of time. The more time goes by that we've been apart, the more I am able to see that I was a pawn there to enable. I hate using the word pawn, but I feel it suites the situation.

I miss the security of the relationship, and at times I do miss him in my bed... I miss coming home to him, but I was always filled with anxiety when I would come home because I never knew what I would be walking into or who would be living on my couch that day.

I make more of an effort now to get out and hang out with people and make new friends.

I like who I'm becoming as single Dani rather than "J"'s girlfriend.

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Depression and addiction were exactly what motivated my ex to be such a waste of time. The more time goes by that we've been apart, the more I am able to see that I was a pawn there to enable. I hate using the word pawn, but I feel it suites the situation.

I miss the security of the relationship, and at times I do miss him in my bed... I miss coming home to him, but I was always filled with anxiety when I would come home because I never knew what I would be walking into or who would be living on my couch that day.

I make more of an effort now to get out and hang out with people and make new friends.

I like who I'm becoming as single Dani rather than "J"'s girlfriend.

 

 

It's curious to see the similarities between our stories, even the first letter of his name is the same as your ex's. They were both from broken homes.

Making new friends or reconnect with old friends is a great thing! I'm doing the same...But I'm not really into go out unfortunatelly.

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This is great insight and sadly you are correct. Everyone in an addicts life is a pawn. Sounds like you are really healing with a painful realization like that.

I am able to see that I was a pawn there to enable. I hate using the word pawn, but I feel it suites the situation.
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It's curious to see the similarities between our stories, even the first letter of his name is the same as your ex's. They were both from broken homes.

Making new friends or reconnect with old friends is a great thing! I'm doing the same...But I'm not really into go out unfortunatelly.

 

Lol isn't it sad how unsurprising it would be if we found out we were talking about the same person. It's just so weird to be with someone for so long and have absolutely no clue who they are.

His little sister called me today and was telling me a little about her pregnancy and at the end of the call she goes, "I love you Dani!" And I told her I loved her too, than she goes, "I hate my brother." And I just said "I hate him too."

How sad is it that his sister would rather keep her brother's ex updated with her pregnancy then her own brother?

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I'm happy to read your post because it gives me hope that I'll also be able to survive my break up.

I was in a terrible toxic relationship with a guy who has done every worse possible thing that a guy could do to a girl.

 

I usually don't date so this break up thing is all new to me and the pain is unbearable sometimes.

If. You don't mind me asking how did you cope?

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Congratulations. It's good to hear you're feeling the way u are now. I'm going through a break up now and I can't wait to feel better. Every day he's here I feel more useless and worthless, hopefully he'll be gone next week. I can't believe even though I'm helping him with money to go etc, he doesn't have the decency to even attempt to hide his messaging or 2 hour phone calls of him proclaiming his love for her and badmouthing me. He's making me so mad but I'm not going to bite I just try and help him pack so he can take his crap and go. I look at him and hate him. This is not the sort of person I have ever been

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Lol isn't it sad how unsurprising it would be if we found out we were talking about the same person. It's just so weird to be with someone for so long and have absolutely no clue who they are.

His little sister called me today and was telling me a little about her pregnancy and at the end of the call she goes, "I love you Dani!" And I told her I loved her too, than she goes, "I hate my brother." And I just said "I hate him too."

How sad is it that his sister would rather keep her brother's ex updated with her pregnancy then her own brother?

 

 

How old is his sister? That's sad but I kinda experienced the same with my ex's family. It doesn't hurt you to talk to them?

The family of my ex bf sometimes contacts me and even his mom says I deserve better than him. She spoke to me like I was her own daughter and I guess it makes me feel worse to keep them close. A person here said that the family of my ex got too close because they were trying to get rid of their problematic relative...and I have to agree with it.

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I'm happy to read your post because it gives me hope that I'll also be able to survive my break up.

I was in a terrible toxic relationship with a guy who has done every worse possible thing that a guy could do to a girl.

 

I usually don't date so this break up thing is all new to me and the pain is unbearable sometimes.

If. You don't mind me asking how did you cope?

 

Lol, at first I didn't cope well at all. I made the fatal mistake of jumping into something with a work friend... That lasted 3 weeks until I realized I wasn't even really into that guy and being with him only made me miss my ex more.. In fact, doing that prolonged the pain I honestly believe.

I cried a lot. I hated myself. I lost my self worth. I felt ugly and unlovable. But than I started doing things I enjoyed. I go hiking every Saturday. I watch movies with my roommate. I play with my dog. I do my make up and my hair when I go out. I work out, eat healthy, and honestly I think possitively. I go out of my way to compliment strangers, I do research to see what little thing I can actually accomplish to better myself.

I know it all sounds cliche, but I swear it has helped me. Read my posts from 3 months ago to now and you'll see there has definitely been a transformation. You'll be fine, you just got to remember, he's not in charge of your happiness. Only you are.

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Congratulations. It's good to hear you're feeling the way u are now. I'm going through a break up now and I can't wait to feel better. Every day he's here I feel more useless and worthless, hopefully he'll be gone next week. I can't believe even though I'm helping him with money to go etc, he doesn't have the decency to even attempt to hide his messaging or 2 hour phone calls of him proclaiming his love for her and badmouthing me. He's making me so mad but I'm not going to bite I just try and help him pack so he can take his crap and go. I look at him and hate him. This is not the sort of person I have ever been

 

No! No no no no! You owe him nothing! You are giving up every ounce of happiness for this scum bag... Why?!

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How old is his sister? That's sad but I kinda experienced the same with my ex's family. It doesn't hurt you to talk to them?

The family of my ex bf sometimes contacts me and even his mom says I deserve better than him. She spoke to me like I was her own daughter and I guess it makes me feel worse to keep them close. A person here said that the family of my ex got too close because they were trying to get rid of their problematic relative...and I have to agree with it.

 

His sister is 17. But I've honestly been the most responsible person in her life the past 2 years. At one point a couple years ago she asked me to adopt her. Her and I are pretty close but I did start keeping my distance from everyone in his family and I've noticed it has helped with my healing. I don't answer his dad's or brother's calls any more. The only connection his mom still throws my way is occasionally liking my Facebook posts.

But his family is a circus. I honestly blame them for "J"'s addiction problem because we were great until we moved out here and he started hanging out with his family... Which every single one of them (besides his little sister) is either on meth, heroin, or a raging alcoholic.

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His sister is 17. But I've honestly been the most responsible person in her life the past 2 years. At one point a couple years ago she asked me to adopt her. Her and I are pretty close but I did start keeping my distance from everyone in his family and I've noticed it has helped with my healing. I don't answer his dad's or brother's calls any more. The only connection his mom still throws my way is occasionally liking my Facebook posts.

But his family is a circus. I honestly blame them for "J"'s addiction problem because we were great until we moved out here and he started hanging out with his family... Which every single one of them (besides his little sister) is either on meth, heroin, or a raging alcoholic.

 

That's pretty bad. I felt like my ex bf's friends were a bad influence for him because they were all addicts, since he was recovering I thought he should keep a distance from them...but he didn't. It's harder to keep a distance from family members like your ex bf.

Did your ex ever treat you badly?

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Today marks exactly 3 months that I've been a single woman. I've reached my lowest lows, And I crawled out of it. I feel empowered and much stronger than I was when I was with him. Not to sound cliche, but I'm a strong independent woman, and I never felt that way when I was with him even though I was the ONLY one making any "bread and butter". He brought nothing to the table and the table was always empty because I was giving him my all.

Do I feel lonely sometimes? Most definitely. Do I miss him? All the time. But I feel like I've grown as an individual. So thank you "J" for walking out on me on our two year anniversary, because you attract what you are, and since we've been apart, I've become an amazing person.

Good for you. Congrats on your 3 months. I am just starting down this road and hope I will come out better for it

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That's pretty bad. I felt like my ex bf's friends were a bad influence for him because they were all addicts, since he was recovering I thought he should keep a distance from them...but he didn't. It's harder to keep a distance from family members like your ex bf.

Did your ex ever treat you badly?

 

He treated me badly in his own way. He wasn't text book psychologically of physically abusive in any way... He was manipulative, but not in a smart way, more like what a kid would do, if that makes any sense. He treated me badly in the sense of he didn't care how hard I worked, or how much I did for him. He cared about getting high. My feelings were never taken into consideration.

He always accused me of cheating. He had no ambition and expected everything to be handed to him. Whenever I would go shopping for myself I always bought him stuff and one day I wanted to treat myself. I had worked 40 hours over time one paycheck and figured I deserved something nice, so I bought myself an outfit. I came home and he was mad that I didn't buy anything for him.

He constantly went through my phone and Facebook messages.

Got mad when I didn't go hang out with his family on weekends but weekends I had to clean the apartment because it was always a disaster throughout the week while I was at work.

A neighbor actually approached me yesterday and told me how glad he was I got rid of "J". He said, "I always hate when people break up, but in your case I'm happy. It was hard to see you going to work all day to support him when he would just have a line of drunks over disrespecting your place that you worked hard for."

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Good for you. Congrats on your 3 months. I am just starting down this road and hope I will come out better for it

 

I'm sorry you're going through it. I've only been through a break up this bad once before and it took a lot longer for me to be ok with it than it is taking this break up. Like I said, I still feel sad, but I also feel better.

I really do believe in the laws of attraction. You attract what you are. When I met him I was at my lowest and my relationship with him reflected that.

I like who I am now and I will only settle for the best.

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My ex was extremely manipulative as well and accused me of cheating...He had no reasons for that, I was always so respectful towards him and I always tried to make him feel like he was the best man in this world ...Meanwhile he always praised other women saying how hot they were.

Your neighbor is very right! That's not fair and I'm sure you will find better than that.

I feel relieved now. He made me go through hell. He always get mad over minimal things and I was always the responsible ...lol

I found this letter very cool

 

He treated me badly in his own way. He wasn't text book psychologically of physically abusive in any way... He was manipulative, but not in a smart way, more like what a kid would do, if that makes any sense. He treated me badly in the sense of he didn't care how hard I worked, or how much I did for him. He cared about getting high. My feelings were never taken into consideration.

He always accused me of cheating. He had no ambition and expected everything to be handed to him. Whenever I would go shopping for myself I always bought him stuff and one day I wanted to treat myself. I had worked 40 hours over time one paycheck and figured I deserved something nice, so I bought myself an outfit. I came home and he was mad that I didn't buy anything for him.

He constantly went through my phone and Facebook messages.

Got mad when I didn't go hang out with his family on weekends but weekends I had to clean the apartment because it was always a disaster throughout the week while I was at work.

A neighbor actually approached me yesterday and told me how glad he was I got rid of "J". He said, "I always hate when people break up, but in your case I'm happy. It was hard to see you going to work all day to support him when he would just have a line of drunks over disrespecting your place that you worked hard for."

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That is a very good letter! I'm a recovering addict myself. This letter is so real.

 

So funny enough, after I responded to your question if he treated me badly, I was bored and scrolled through my timeline on FB just to see that "J" had unblocked me. He can play whatever games he's trying to, but he's doing t alone. I have no need or want to be part of that.

 

Our experiences with our ex's are so similar, it's almost funny... But if you think about it, all addicts are the same because they stop being a person and just become the drug.

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I'm sorry you're going through it. I've only been through a break up this bad once before and it took a lot longer for me to be ok with it than it is taking this break up. Like I said, I still feel sad, but I also feel better.

I really do believe in the laws of attraction. You attract what you are. When I met him I was at my lowest and my relationship with him reflected that.

I like who I am now and I will only settle for the best.

I hear you . this is my 2nd failure the 1st I was married 16 years and she spent more time at her job that with me and the kids. She also was messing around with some else at the end.

The 2nd she a farm girl me from the city thought it would work but since she has had stomach surgery and lost 100lbs her life goals have changed.

And I realize the this relationship isn't working.

I have spent so much time trying to make others happy I have forgotten myself. But no more it is time for me.

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Nice! You must be very proud of yourself. This is the first time I really had to deal with someone who was an addict and sometimes I question myself who he was. When I met him he was an angel, a very funny guy... he really looked so sweet with those beautiful eyes, everybody thought he was the sweetest person. He told me recenty that at that time we met he was cleaned for 9 months (the longest time). But after a few months...he became the devil, didn't appreciate anything and he was always complaining.

 

I don't know why our ex's play those guys, it's sadistic. My ex sent me a quote on Instagram after me posting a video of a party. He knew I was happy and he tried to ruin that. I deleted the app for now! And it's better to not look at their social media.

 

 

That is a very good letter! I'm a recovering addict myself. This letter is so real.

 

So funny enough, after I responded to your question if he treated me badly, I was bored and scrolled through my timeline on FB just to see that "J" had unblocked me. He can play whatever games he's trying to, but he's doing t alone. I have no need or want to be part of that.

 

Our experiences with our ex's are so similar, it's almost funny... But if you think about it, all addicts are the same because they stop being a person and just become the drug.

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Nice! You must be very proud of yourself. This is the first time I really had to deal with someone who was an addict and sometimes I question myself who he was. When I met him he was an angel, a very funny guy... he really looked so sweet with those beautiful eyes, everybody thought he was the sweetest person. He told me recenty that at that time we met he was cleaned for 9 months (the longest time). But after a few months...he became the devil, didn't appreciate anything and he was always complaining.

 

I don't know why our ex's play those guys, it's sadistic. My ex sent me a quote on Instagram after me posting a video of a party. He knew I was happy and he tried to ruin that. I deleted the app for now! And it's better to not look at their social media.

 

Yes, taking a step back from social media is always best.

My ex's eyes are what got me the most too. Lol I'm a sucker for those baby Blues.

"J"'s whole family would tell me I made him a better person but I didnt. He just got better at hiding his true colors.

I now see it was his loss, losing me. Ive only gained self respect and appreciation for what oppurtunies lay ahead for myself.

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