Feeling persistently lonely, but.. why? What even is this?

[FrozenMoon]

Hello guys,

There's something I need to get off my chest.. Something I've been feeling really weird about lately. I'm not sure if there's a way to solve it, but if any of you have any ideas -- I happily welcome any suggestions!

 

Alright, so.. Thing is, I've been feeling extremely lonely as of late. It's a feeling I know very well: back in 2013, I had no social contacts at all, other than my family. I was completely socially isolated. I felt lonelier than I've ever felt before, and it was terrible.

Now, it seems this feeling is returning.. but I can't seem to figure out why. I have a great deal of friends right now, I talk to many of them daily, I have a very loving boyfriend who's always there if I need somebody.. heck, even the people I only speak to online told me they're always here for me, and I can bother them with anything if I want to. And still, STILL, with all these caring people around me.. I still feel lonely.

 

Normally I'd be confused as to what the feeling is, but I recognise it from back in 2013. It's that same painful sting on the inside. But what worries me is that even though I AM not lonely, I still FEEL like it, and no matter how much I fill my days with social activities.. I still feel as if I lack social contact. As if at the end of the day I'm on my own, while I KNOW that's not the case. Alas, knowing that just doesn't seem to be enough..

 

I'm constantly at unease and my mind keeps yelling at me to contact people, to talk to them, to not be alone -- but I can't listen to it, because I already do all these things. And personally.. I'm a little scared by it. It just doesn't go away.

 

Does anybody have any idea what this all is about? Anybody who knows a psychological reason for this, or perhaps something I'm doing wrong? At times I even feel like crying because I feel so terribly alone, while I'm FAR from actually BEING alone. If only I could at least understand what's going on here.. it would help, even if only a little.

(Thanks for reading!)

[musicman777]

I don't know, maybe it's time for some counseling/therapy to figure out the root cause of this.

[melancholy123]

I too think some therapy might help you figure out what makes you feel so lonely when you really aren't.

[lancelot873]

well couple of things I picked up on..you mentioned 2013 twice, so I am wondering what happened during that year? or slightly before? also, it could be that you are not fully satisfied with your social connections, as in you don't feel they are genuine for some reason. there seems to be a detachment from the current state.

 

it could be depression, so yes, therapy is a great idea. there is nothing wrong with talking to a professional about something that you really can't explain.

 

also, what's the role of the boyfriend in all this? does he know that you feel lonely? have you two talked about it?

[Clinton]

Could be depression. Talk to your doctor about seeing a mental health professional.

[Coily]

I too have gone through spates of that feeling of being socially adrift, and like you I could be surrounded by great poeple. For myself I found it was the lack of deep and meaningful social interactions, which sounds like you need some one to listen to you, not just hear you. Do these people seek you out to find out how you are doing or do you feel that you are burdening them with your problems?

 

With that in mind I would encourage you to seek a professional as well, it can help you find the right doors to open, and be listened to.

[FrozenMoon]

First of all, thank you all for the replies!

 

@lancelot873

Well, I think I can summarize 2013 in a few points:

- First and most important is that I had no social contacts at all. All my friends and the people I talked to left my school, and a few even moved away, leaving me with literally zero people to talk to. We tried staying in contact the first few months, but it didn't really go so smooth over the internet and eventually the communication just disappeared entirely.

- A second point is that I couldn't enjoy any activities, had no interests at that point. There was nothing that I felt could bring me fun, and I just dragged myself through the days because there was nothing I felt like spending my time on.

- And a third point is that I had no ambitions or goals in life. School went terrible and I had no motivation to work towards anything. It all felt quite pointless, really.

So that's basically my 2013 in a nutshell -- one year later everything turned around again, but due to what happened, I've always remained terribly afraid of ending up alone again.

 

I haven't discussed this with my boyfriend yet. Maybe I should. He's always a very good listener and he's very understanding, which makes me even more confused about why I still feel alone even when I have somebody like that around.

 

@Coily

Hmm.. Well, at least it's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one with / who has had this problem.

As for the question: Actually, a few of them will always sense when something's wrong and ask what is bothering me, but even then I still feel like I am burdening them. Perhaps that problem lies with me, not with them, but regardless it is true that I feel like I'm being a pain in these situations. Then again, though, these are only a few of my friends -- the majority of the others probably wouldn't notice.

 

 

In general, I think everyone's suggestions of finding therapy might indeed be a good idea. If this continues on and I can't find a way to stop it, I'll definitely give that a try.. If at the very least they can pinpoint the cause of the problem, I'd be happy.

 

Thanks again for reading and all the replies! I really appreciate it.

[lancelot873]

First of all, thank you all for the replies!

 

@lancelot873

Well, I think I can summarize 2013 in a few points:

- First and most important is that I had no social contacts at all. All my friends and the people I talked to left my school, and a few even moved away, leaving me with literally zero people to talk to. We tried staying in contact the first few months, but it didn't really go so smooth over the internet and eventually the communication just disappeared entirely.

- A second point is that I couldn't enjoy any activities, had no interests at that point. There was nothing that I felt could bring me fun, and I just dragged myself through the days because there was nothing I felt like spending my time on.

- And a third point is that I had no ambitions or goals in life. School went terrible and I had no motivation to work towards anything. It all felt quite pointless, really.

So that's basically my 2013 in a nutshell -- one year later everything turned around again, but due to what happened, I've always remained terribly afraid of ending up alone again.

 

I haven't discussed this with my boyfriend yet. Maybe I should. He's always a very good listener and he's very understanding, which makes me even more confused about why I still feel alone even when I have somebody like that around.

 

 

it seems like your fear of being alone is somehow clouding your thought processes. maybe that fear itself is being projected onto people that you interact with, directly or indirectly. I would recommend setting short term goals for yourself and working towards those goals to make you feel productive. this will help keep your mind off the loneliness issue, help you get some achievements under your belt (which helps elevate your self esteem in the process). talking to your boyfriend is a great idea, as he knows you best and will know how to help you move past this mental barrier that you seem to have. inclusion is important to feeling connected, and once you feel connected with someone, it will lead to more connections.

 

talking about a problem works wonders, so keep on asking questions here, it's a great outlet! cheers