I have no idea what to do. Please help :(

[WN19]

I have been with my fiance for 4 years now and it is getting nowhere. He does not what to do anything. He refuses to get an apartment with me or take our relationship forward. We fight constantly and to the point that I am in tears and ready to leave. He and his family have done a lot for me. They took me in when I had nowhere else to go. I have lived with them for 2 years now and nothing has changed with him. I cannot stand his family and I know they aren't very fond of me either. His mother never liked me to begin with. The only reason they helped me is because I seriously had nowhere else to go and I would have probably ended up homeless. He works a lame ass job but still tries to help me and get me things when I need help. My biggest thing is how much we fight and how I feel every single time we do. I can't take it. Other than him buying things and occasionally being nice to me he's a jerk. I now have somewhere else to go and have a pretty decent job now. I can take care of myself but he just does not want to take anything further. I feel awful for this but I have been talking to a new person who is honestly just a friend but feelings are starting to surface. He's so nice and friendly. He just makes me feel so great and happy. I feel like a stupid teenager again. Idk what to do =\ break it off or stay and stop talking to my friend?

[dave_1966]

'I feel awful for this but I have been talking to a new person who is honestly just a friend but feelings are starting to surface.'

 

So, your fiances family prevented you from being homeless and now you can't stand them. How do you think they'll react when they find out you're a cheater? You're presently vine swinging, and looking for a source to ease your guilt from the likely shame you feel from using someone when you're not in love with them.

 

I would be fair on my fiancé by moving out now, seeing as you have the money, and spending a little time alone with your thoughts and feelings. I certainly wouldn't get involved with Mr New as long as you're under your fiances folks roof.

[lancelot873]

if you were on the brink of being homeless, the first and most important advice anyone could give is to save your money. because money goes faster than it comes.

 

just because you have an "opportunity" to go elsewhere, doesn't mean you have to take it. you might take it, and then fall into financial problems again. I know you have a decent job now, but money does not stay very long. so think in terms of financial security first and foremost.

 

with regards to not liking his family, this is a common problem, not all couples are happy about that. considering they have done a lot for you, it would be more injustice to leave them because he is a jerk.

 

with regards to him not willing to take the relationship further, only you can be the judge of your situation because you know details about your relationship that are probably to complicated to discuss objectively. so the best advice here is to truly think about your situation in an objective manner, have an honest talk with fiancé about where YOU are at and where you want to GO. ask if he sees a future with you two living together in a little apartment, or if he is just happy with where he is. if you are unhappy with certain things, talk about them, confront him and be gentle, not malicious kind of arguments.

 

with regards to talking to someone new and having feelings surface, this would be borderline cheating if it continues and will put you in a more difficult situation than you are in. so either set up friendship boundaries or tell him that you can't be doing this because it is morally wrong.

 

the choice is yours

[Wiseman2]

So why aren't you doing that rather than sponging off him, his 'lame ass job' and his parents? You sound quite contemptuous and ungrateful. It's best you end it.

I can take care of myself

[nihongo]

Are you paying rent to his family or helping out? If not, have you considered that they don't like you because you've been freeloading for 2 years? That's a long time. You've overstayed your welcome. It's time to pick yourself up and start supporting yourself now. Get out of both of these unhealthy relationships.

[brian1024]

If youre such a big girl leave, sounds to me that you leave out why he could potentially be getting annoyed and upset with you because hes probably done everything for you despite his ty job, and helps you despite your "decent job". Really just show him how much you appreciate him, for practically turning your life around, maybe hes reserved and mad because you have not expressed your gratitude enough for him. Or if you dont care just leave him, probably would hurt him but help him in the long run

[tattoobunnie]

it is getting nowhere...he's a jerk...friend?

 

Time to move on. It's not your job to be his mother. And there are plenty of fish in the sea.