busy boyfriend??

[anon123XX5]

so my boyfriend of 2 years (in 2 weeks) plays cricket and it's currently the height of the cricket season and he's been playing every Saturday since May, so I work on a Saturday and I'm okay with him playing then. I don't like him playing cricket as its from 1-8 not including traveling or drinks after. but I work all day on a late shift so it's okay! he promised that he would play one day a week max but lately he's started doing Saturday's and Sunday's so I never see him all weekend (I would go and watch but the captain has put a ban on anyone going to watch them play as its apparently a distraction) and then in the week he goes out and practices with them 3/4 times like this week he's been 2 nights in a row and then playing all weekend! I'm getting really fed up of it because he said to trust him and it's not like he said it would be, and it's really upsetting me. I've told him this but he says im being stupid???

[missmarple]

I know nothing about cricket. How long is the cricket season? Also, how often do you see each other?

[j.man]

So he practices 4 days a week and plays matches both Saturday and Sunday... but there's no audience allowed? Is this the most competitive recreational league in the world or something?

 

I played competitive soccer for awhile and any girlfriend needed to accept that once the tournament matches started piling on top of the league matches, I was more or less going to be a ghost. But I mean... people watched us. Having a crowd is kind of a big part of competitive play.

[ParisPaulette]

Wait, hold up. The Captain has banned anyone from attending a professional weekend game? Am I reading that right, because what about audiences? Anyone I've ever known who played professional sports did their very best to fill the stands during actual games. Practices I can see yes, but games themselves?

 

Are you really sure the coach said that or is your boyfriend maybe, feeding you a line.

 

Maybe it's just me, but that sounds really really REALLY not right.

[mustlovedogs]

You have to pick. Keep pushing him to give this up (which is what it is, if he significantly cuts his hours) and lose him, or deal with the season and stay with him.

[DancingFool]

His sport is a package deal. If you don't like what he does, then you don't really like him because what he does makes him who he is. Since you work anyway, I don't know what your resentment is really and what exactly you are so concerned about. You should have your own hobbies and friends to fill in your social schedule and not rely on a bf for that anyway. However, if you are the type of a person who needs to be attached at the hip (not saying this is wrong at all) then this relationship is just not right for you. You two are not compatible.

 

As for him or the Captain not wanting SO's there.....yeah I can kind of understand that. I've been competing for many years and truth be told, SO's demand attention and when you are busy trying to focus on what you need to do to win, they can be a real pain in the you know what. On top of that, some people do get a lot more nervous in an already stressful environment when they know their SO is watching and will try to show off, etc which never works out well. So yeah, nothing necessarily sinister about this. More like different strokes for different folks. Having said that, if that doesn't work for you, then just call it a day on this and find someone who is more compatible.

 

Btw, my sport is my passion. Any bf who has ever tried to get in the way of that has been booted out of my life so fast he didn't know what hit him.

[catfeeder]

You can't complain someone into wanting what they don't want. That will only alienate him further.

 

I'd consider whether I'm invested enough in the guy to pull back and target a future relationship after sports season. If so, I'd be encouraging about his game and ask nothing from him during this time. If I'm on the fence, this would give me enough info to learn whether BF will return an investment in me at some point.

 

Otherwise, I'd skip the complaints and just walk away.

[James516]

As an aside, I really like that you compared this to an investment, Catfeeder! That's right, if a stock is underperforming in a portfolio, then it's time to take a look at it and determine if it should be dropped.

 

As far as the original post, there is no right or wrong, this is about expectations. And after 2 years time invested, it's at a point for you both to have an honest, non-accusational talk about what you both want out of a relationship and what can be compromised. You definitely show a willingness to want to participate by going to the matches which is great.

 

Otherwise, if your version is that he can only have hobbies/activities mainly during times that you aren't available, or that he limit what he does on his own, he needs to know that. Because he may not see things that way which means this will lead to further resentment by you and eventually by him and you both will end up breaking this relationship off. Again, nothing to blame for either of you, but you both need to know what the expectation is.

 

Often people's interests go in phases and he may burn out on the sport. You don't indicate any interests of your own. If that's true, it's healthy for any relationship for each person to have their own interests.

[Wiseman2]

Wear this to bed, maybe he'll get the hint?

 

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