I am healing from a short, hopeful romance?

[Person1001]

These last couple of days have been hard for me. Though he is 1000s of miles away, I am deeply hurting from his rejection. It has been 2 days since we had the dreaded "lets be friends w/possibility of dating" and I have a gut feeling that he isn't going to reach out to me at all, this is a very hard pill to swallow. I feel as though I may have ruined our chances by pestering him for the truth, but at the same time I feel like he wouldn't have done anything if I hadn't pressured him. That would mean that he would be leaving me out in the cold to stress and worry, this prob would have lasted another month or so. Yes I am brave enough to admit that I have shed tears over him. Although he wasn't thrilled about me dating others and I told him I wouldn't, he doesn't seem eager or caring enough to wait for him. I was excited by new adventures, a new love and a chance at happiness w/another guy. I know this is a phase as I went through it w/my ex, longer though, but this is not any less painful. I'm glad this guy told me what was going on, but he did it in such a way that made it a lot easier for himself and very painful for me. The thing that sucks the most was being teased, taking a plunge (a LDR) w/someone who promised to show you the way. If he really cared for me he would have done anything for me and would have given me the chance instead of using the sins of exes against me. I want to find a man who loves me and is willing to risk to be w/me. How can I make the healing process a teeny weeny bit faster? I haven't hung out w/people because I know I will dwell on him and I just need a week or two for myself. Thoughts?

[1a1a]

You've made the good choice. You deserve someone who is delighted to have you in their life

[Person1001]

I feel really ridiculous for falling for someone w/in a month.

[ParisPaulette]

At least he isn't going to waste any more of your time, but yeah I've had short-term romances in the past and they still hurt when they end. I'm sorry, but yeah at least now you know.

 

And honestly, when someone goes on about what Ex or Exes did to them they are not ready to date and are being just a wee tad selfish and/or dishonest. You aren't your exes and the fact is those exes may not have done anything to him, he might be the one who did it to them too. Sometimes I've seen that, but chances are it's a combo of both.

 

Fact is though when someone compares you to an ex they are not emotionally at a point where they should be dating. This can range from "You need to take six months with no relationships or longer to get your head on straight" to "get into therapy already."

 

Such people make bad partners, because they are not just focused on you and them and creating something new. You cannot look forward if you're head is over your shoulder staring at your backside. So accept this life lesson, there is better out there for you.

 

P.S. It is totally fine to cry and feel sad regardless of time spent. It's part of the healing process.

[Person1001]

It has been about 6 months since the end of his relationship. You are so right about blaming the ex thing. My ex blamed his ex for leaving him for another guy, eventually I figured out why she actually left in the 1st place. Its not as though I've never felt heartbreak and I feel like 2 people looking for a clean start can begin one together, drawing on both their experiences and bringing those positive outcomes to their new relationship. We both expressed what heartbreak our exes caused us, but I stopped after awhile and focused my love and energy on him. He is never going to be happy because if he pushes everyone away from fear of getting hurt, future girls in his life will leave or even end up cheating. I guess I didn't learn my mistakes from the past of someone talking about their great qualities, if they claim to be a nice guy, next time I will run for the hills because more then likely they are not.

[Ms Darcy]

Glad you realize that it's over. That's a big step.