Need some opinions on how to go about this...

[Jonny2001]

Okay so I am a member of a particular dating website and I noticed a girl on there that I think I'd like to get to know. We share many common interests plus she's super cute. The website itself, which will remain nameless, is pretty crappy, you have to pay to do almost anything on it. The only thing I was able to do was leave a comment on her profile about a week ago. I haven't heard anything - I'm not sure if she saw the message or if she's even logged on in the last while.

 

She has a fairly unique name, so just out of curiosity I put it into the search bar on Facebook and sure enough she was the first one to pop up (only one or two other people had her name in my area).

 

So here's the question - Would it be weird if I messaged her on Facebook? Do you think it would seem odd that I searched her on there? Remember, she has a unique name. I didn't go through 20 pages of people until I found her, she really was the first one to pop up and it was the same image as on the dating site.

 

What if I just said something like "Hey, this may seem strange but I noticed your profile on *dating website* and figured it might just be easier to message you on here since they try to make you pay for everything on that site!"

 

What are your thoughts on this? This girl seems really cool, I really do feel like we could get along and I'm not sure I want to let that opportunity pass. I feel like it's a bit more acceptable because she is on a dating website, so she must be interested in meeting people.

[Almira23]

Please don't do that. If a random stranger did that to me then I would be freaked out. Since the website won't let you do anything without paying, is she able to respond back to comments?

[Jonny2001]

Please don't do that. If a random stranger did that to me then I would be freaked out. Since the website won't let you do anything without paying, is she able to respond back to comments?

I believe so. But it's also possible she just doesn't go on there much.

[Wolfshook]

I believe so. But it's also possible she just doesn't go on there much.

 

Thus meaning she isnt activelly searching for a guy online?

 

If it's not too expensive I'd try to pay for a contact.

[Jonny2001]

Thus meaning she isnt activelly searching for a guy online?

 

If it's not too expensive I'd try to pay for a contact.

Yeah I don't really want to pay for a membership if I can help it.

 

I get that at first looking someone up on facebook to message them seems odd and normally I'd probably think the same way. But she's on a dating site, her name is right on her profile, it's a unique name that popped right up on FB... I dunno, am I weird to not think that it's all that strange for someone to say hi based on those things?

[Nuindacil]

Haha, I've been there myself. It was similar in my case, very peculiar name, so easy to find. I thought "well, why not".

She never replied back, and now I can see why. I mean, of course you don't find it strange, like any other guy! But women are not like us, because usually they've had experiences of encountering creepy guys who stalk them or whatever. By looking her up in facebook you're reminding her of that, even if you're not that kind of guy.

 

Anyway, I'd say that you have like 97% probability that she won't reply on facebook (or anywhere else afterwards). If you have no other way of contacting her... why not. But don't expect it to work. Sorry!

[James516]

I believe in risk. "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." If you are not going to sign up for the site, then you have nothing to lose by trying Facebook. Either she responds or she doesn't which also describes the outcome of dating sites.

 

Actually the benefit of Facebook is that the person will see it unlike a dating site that will take your money without letting you see who has an active paid membership to see messages or not.

 

As another option, often people sign up for more than one site, you may want to first check other dating sites in your area that may be better and she is using.

[Sportster2005]

I think it's creepy and would never do it.

 

I don't see it as a taking a good risk to take. It's almost certainly going to fail. And then if you do meet her somewhere you've blown it, because you are that creepy guy on Facebook.

 

A few women I know that have been approached like this, don't appreciate it at all. It's not like approaching them at a public place, it's like approaching them in their home.

[RainyCoast]

it is creepy. she is able to respond back to your comment.

 

she either hasn't yet because it's you she's not interested in, or because she's not interested enough in dating new people to actually log on.

 

either way, when there's no active effort and curiosity to meet strangers, errr new people, a guy going the lenght of messaging her on fb is perceived as suspiciously and bothersomly eager.

 

and what do you mean you really think you could get along?? you don't even know her?!

 

put yourself in her shoes. someone from that dating site you couldn't be bothered to check has convinced themself you're their match and is isistent to introduce himself and leaves you a fb message. weird.

 

besides, doesn't fb filter messages from non-friends to the "Other" folder? i haven't used fb in ages but back in the day noone ever checked the other folder because it's common knowledge it's only used by third world scammer brides, perverts, stalkers and creeps and an abusive ex making new profiles you haven't had time to block just to leave a word, or cult followers scouting for more members.

 

just. don't. maybe she'll check that site in a week or two and respond. but you really shouldn't be so convinced that some stranger out there is "an opportunity not to be missed" that you're this driven to approach.

[Leo1987]

Man Go ahead and send her a message on facebook....you never know whats gonna happen.

 

have a go.

[SoulTaker]

Okay so I am a member of a particular dating website and I noticed a girl on there that I think I'd like to get to know. We share many common interests plus she's super cute. The website itself, which will remain nameless, is pretty crappy, you have to pay to do almost anything on it. The only thing I was able to do was leave a comment on her profile about a week ago. I haven't heard anything - I'm not sure if she saw the message or if she's even logged on in the last while.

 

She has a fairly unique name, so just out of curiosity I put it into the search bar on Facebook and sure enough she was the first one to pop up (only one or two other people had her name in my area).

 

So here's the question - Would it be weird if I messaged her on Facebook? Do you think it would seem odd that I searched her on there? Remember, she has a unique name. I didn't go through 20 pages of people until I found her, she really was the first one to pop up and it was the same image as on the dating site.

 

What if I just said something like "Hey, this may seem strange but I noticed your profile on *dating website* and figured it might just be easier to message you on here since they try to make you pay for everything on that site!"

 

What are your thoughts on this? This girl seems really cool, I really do feel like we could get along and I'm not sure I want to let that opportunity pass. I feel like it's a bit more acceptable because she is on a dating website, so she must be interested in meeting people.

 

So, what are you going to tell her on facebook? That you were too cheap to pay for responding to her on the online dating site, so you have to contact her on facebook? That's going to go over well. How are you going to compare against your competition, that have no issues in shelling out a few bucks in order to contact women the proper way?

[ThatwasThen]

Yeah I don't really want to pay for a membership if I can help it.

 

I get that at first looking someone up on facebook to message them seems odd and normally I'd probably think the same way. But she's on a dating site, her name is right on her profile, it's a unique name that popped right up on FB... I dunno, am I weird to not think that it's all that strange for someone to say hi based on those things?

If she put her actual name on the dating profile and has the same one on facebook then it sounds like she's wanting people to contact her through facebook. In fact, if she has her settings wide open then she's not too concerned about who contacts her and she's likely not too worried about being creeped out by strangers contacting her either. As such, I say "buyer beware."

 

I say go for it. The only thing that can happen is that she turns out to be a scam or is soliciting or she completely ignores you... neither one which can hurt you since you don't even know her... or she is actually genuine and you hit it off. Once again though... buyer beware.

[Wiseman2]

Like having 'cheapskate' tattooed on one arm and 'stalker' on the other.

 

Excellent point 6601850]So, what are you going to tell her on facebook? That you were too cheap to pay for responding to her on the online dating site, so you have to contact her on facebook? That's going to go over well. How are you going to compare against your competition, that have no issues in shelling out a few bucks in order to contact women the proper way?