Venting! Found out he's not sitting home relaxing while we sit here

[nayla]

Some days I just want/should to end this relationship other days I want to have a large heart to heart talk and ultimatum then continues repair..

Frustrating and sad today.

I planed a last minute trip yesterday evening on trying to have a nice relaxing fun filled day today, bar-barque picnic followed by walking in the zoo then going to the beach, probably with me the kids and their dad (my husband who doesn't live together) not sure anyone else. Yesterday he said he couldn't cause he wanted to work in the morning I asked when he was don't he said afternoon. Mom wanted to stay home it worried her if she could stand the heat and/or cause of the walking at the zoo...72 mile drive.

 

Today it had taken some time to get the kids interested (also oldest slept very late from being up very late last night and I didn't want just two of us going) and everything ready. Had taken us like 3 hours!! (Yes omg I kept debating not going because of that)

 

Right before going mom decided to do her laundry, then we find out the washer wasn't emptying the water. I told her not to call him cause he believes we already left early (he would complain and maybe laugh or just say OMG bla bla I didn't want #5 person complaining)

Finally about to go I had to stop somewhere for ice then we notice something was wrong with my cars turn signal!

I try to take control and fix this my self.

After purchasing the lightbulbs I realized I had no idea how to install them, then of course there's YouTube, great but the bulb was the wrong size. Then I returned it reinstall in, still not working.

Now it's about 4-1/2 hours later. (still go do part of the plan or just a local park which I don't want to do or give up until next week end as kids have som actives Thai wk)

have no idea how to fix this. I tried to call him and no answer. (Figured he's napping or something). After a few minutes of us being home he called home, (mom also called him he could repair the washer if not he has a friend who could). He tells my mom he's far away!! He tells me ok I'll look at it but I forgotten to tell him I tried replacing it.

 

We believe I know where he is we have a few ideas in mind but especially one.

He's having a picnic with someone or defiantly a group of people, at a place he's only taken us twice and I believe he goes often or at least more then just a few times. This summer we have done nothing together but cook on the grill in the yard. We used to to do things all the time (but the beach only once)

 

Just two weeks ago on a Saturday (suppose to be working) he came to visit and talk when he came back said he was on the highway lots of driving and had now cold Starbucks cappuccino (was hot to keep him awake he said) amd a box of auntie Ann pretzels premix to make homemade, he doesn't drink that so I knew it was for me, he's done similar things lots of times. Then he tells me a story he saw a wild baby animal someone had as a pet (I'd like), he ends up calling his friend who went with him (a man probably who I remember 10 years ago telling us about this place) to ask something about it, he mentioned the places name soo I knew he went. So I think he lied about working and shouldn't he be taking us (who he says he wants me and repair us) or at least his kids instead of them sitting home.

 

It's Sunday and hot, he can't work long in the heat as they have not AC if he's indoors, Sunday's he just does a little work (some Sunday's)most times or get supples ready for the new week. (Car parts). He's not siting doing nothing as he doesn't like that much and he's not here.

 

So what are we supposed to do yet again. We have a membership at a camping resort but can't go yet this year cause I still owe money this year. For a few years I couldn't go much like before because of working but now we can, but can't. We hadn't went anywhere (except kids did with friends) or did much this summer, kids not used to this. I hate it...

 

I believe he is sneaking or lying or not but is just going to places and having fun without his family here even just his kids, and probably with another women! Or just doesn't want to with me or us all!

How can a man do that, how can a man knowing leave his kids to sit in a house being bored only play video games knowing they cant go camping and hasn't did anything and they need to get out they want to have fun too.l, all while he is out relaxing having fun, swimming, boating, and doing other things. Said he only wanted us.... So now we'r told to sit here and wait for him.

[j.man]

I think this poor guy needs a break.

[agent1607307371]

How can a man do that, how can a man knowing leave his kids to sit in a house being bored

 

Didn't he think they were going to the zoo?

[nayla]

Yes very true. I had found out before that he's out having fun or home doing not in when we'r to believed and told that he's working while he wasn't. But yesterday he said he wasn't doing anything in the afternoon.

 

One vent ending up being more then just one vent.

 

Yes after I posted this (I'm still over venting) I realized if he thinks we'r going out he would probably go out as well, and it would make cents to go some where else cause I'd probably all ready be there and he had no idea how to get there. (Was going where I used to go as a kid).

 

My other venting story was about him knowingly that our kids are sitting home while he went out having fun with out his kids but with other people, he has done that once or more before.

 

I did thought at the time maybe I should've said I'd Waite for him and we could've went together, but we have don't that plenty of time either we went on time, didn't go at all, he was extremely late so couldn't go, was little late but was ok to go, or he talked me into going another place, or he couldn't go cause problems happened at work.

 

Yes sometimes I think we count on him for too much, but he's the only one I know that could do things (and only man here, he's handy at almost anything and knows a lot of professionals) also says all the time he can do it and sometimes complained if I get someone else other times relived.

[Hollyj]

Too much drama over a bunch of nothing. I can't even figure out what the problem is?????

[nayla]

Needed/wanted to vent some where privately where nobody knows me, since I'm private. I posted while still venting without thinking things through. Also maybe I posted this in the wrong place, sorry.

 

I couldn't go out with my kids today things kept trying to prevent it then finally one did.

Short-My partner said he's working in the morning and couldn't go with us and doing nothing later. The after noon I find out he's far out of the city. My first though in the post was why didn't he want to go with me why didn't he envied me or the kids and did he lie did/does he have some other women with him. Why has he been going on picnics with out us or even just without the kids. My cars signal light broke tried to replace and still not working and my washer is broke today. we didn't drive until 4 hours later, then I saw the car problem.

 

Also, I've been wondering if he's cheating or what's going on.

I believe he has been lying about working (work isn't far) and instead is going out with someone or others.

Says no I can't go, I'm working. Later he's too far away from home (was he lying the whole time?)

 

Another time he did go "some where" but says it was for work and had a lot of driving, later I find out it seemed like he wasn't working (lying?) people don't bring their wild animal pets to a junk yard or many places! Also he arrived back about the same time as if he did go to that picnic spot. I believe this place that he likes (we've been to a few times together) is the same place, because of area name and activities a co-worker had told us about 10 years ago and he probably been going there all along with someone, while we have only been going there for two years. He said two years ago that once when I couldn't get a hold of him that he was there and had no cell service. He has went there once this year with out us that I know of and he now says he has a hammock.

 

Other vent- I never heard of a man owning a hammock (ok I don't know many).

I never saw it, but I do think he showed me a video and pic of it while on picnic with his sister a few years ago. He even said that he would give a friend money for "them" to buy one for me, I did say I know where to buy them He then questions me if it's strong and didn't believe me those ones are strong, I didn't say where. Who is "them" and if he bought it why does he have to get "them" to buy another one? Years ago I said I wanted one but kept forgetting, and said our one campground wasn't aloud. So that's one of my stupid reasons to think there's someone else. Last year he wanted me to help him pay a ticket online he said he got while going to a junk yard. While going to a picnic he points to me the place where he gotten that ticket at, it wasn't near a junk yard it was near the picnic, yes there is a yard a few more miles or a mile north.

 

Kinda too much over nothing.

But we have been feeling stuck indoors during summer except for local playgrounds doing earns ect. Finally I just gave up felt great I'm going and don't care who's coming, then boom!

Then thinking he's out with others having fun but we'r supposed to think he's working. when we say we want to try more and repair and not cheating but yet your out at a picnic with who, and we did nothing together.

 

this summer not even just the kids and him besides hair cuts and dinner. Yes it's not just up to him yes I guess it's ok or normal to go without your partner but I don't know of anyone who does that.

We used to do more together. Me and the kids sit home yet again while he's out possibly a picnic.

[journeynow]

You two are separated? Is his home different from yours?

 

First of all, keep in mind when you have that many people to plan around it's tricky making last minute plans and have everything go smoothly and be relaxing or hassle-free for everyone. You had a fun idea for you, but things didn't go as planned, you did your best, but frustrated just the same.

 

If the plan was last minute, were you surprised he wasn't available? He may have planned to work, you made plans for the day, his day evolved different than you pictured. If you are not fully together, that can happen.

 

If you don't trust him, if you feel he is lying or cheating, do you have your answer about what you need to do?

[jujusamples]

This is indeed too much drama. Why couldn't you take your kids without him? I really can't understand the whole story. Are you separated? It all seems to me that you want to spend time with him but use your kids as an excuse. If it was me, I would have just taken the kids without him. Yes, as one other comment said, the guy needs a break. You seem to rely on him for a lot of things. Sorry, the whole story just seems so confusing and yes, drama for nothing.

[nayla]

Sort of yes, together but living separated now, another very long strange sad drama story very we don't like talking about...hoping somethings changes for the better...

 

Yes sometimes it's tricky and not smoothly or both opposites..very frustrating today!

 

No of course I wasn't surprised he wasn't available, it always could go either way we all deal with it even if we don't like it. But Sunday's are usually all or half free, and been wondering if he ever stops for others but not us. Sunday's used to always be family day all day. He's the boss so he could say he'd do it tomorrow. I put family time 1st he doesn't, even one person at my old job hated that but my boss was ok with it. I was planing on going with or without him, he doesn't like the beach much do I knew he wouldn't want to but I'd like him to try again.

 

Nope not completely sure, that's why I'm always wanting and sometimes trying to have talk again, it's not easy on both of us.

[nayla]

It was a vent was posting as I was venting I needed someone to talk to to vent. I did vent to my mom and some yo my oldest son and they vented too especially my mom because of the washer.

 

Yes lately my house is a drama & stressful (some days) house! So many reasons for each, another reason why I think he's not happy or wating to be hear he hates drama he's like a it's no big deal kinda thing but some things sometimes it is. My mom almost everything....

 

I was planing on going without him, I have gone places without him before its nothing new or problem.

 

Kinda

 

I never used my kids for anything ever and everyone should know that!

 

If I wanted to spend time with him alone then I would had said something, I wanted us all to spend time together he goes t get to spend time with the kids much. Most of the time I feel like he just wants to spend time with me.

 

Last Sunday he went to the store for food cause I didn't have Popsicles (he loves) and snacks left so he wanted to go shopping for himself and here, the kids went I wanted him to go without me to spend time and interact more with them but complained and waned me to go so I went then deiced to stay to in the car, he looked mad I even said get what ever you want I wouldn't complain (wouldn't want him to spend too much on too much junk and to be careful our youngest has food allergies, also my mom would complain about brands) but he hadn't went shopping with them in a long time. Although I was still confused. The kids and him seemed to enjoy it through.

 

The reason why I didn't go wasn't because he wasn't going but because of my car.

 

My cars right rear turn signal light and brake light wasn't working, I put safety first I wouldn't drive far or anywhere with that not working.

I did try fixing it myself I also called him he didn't answer the phone but called later.

 

My kids and I has went to the beach as well as other places plenty of times without their dad, he's only went one time to the beach with them in the spring before sunset and we didn't stay cause it was chilly. (We wear vacationing near by)

 

 

Kinda yes about relying on him, but he's the one who said he'd take care of everything and doesn't want me to get someone else.

 

I only relayed on him today for two things.

 

I only was relying on him to help me fix my car since he knows almost everything about cars.

 

Also about the washer, because knows somethings about washers and knows someone who fixes them, I know nothing.

 

Also I wasn't relying rather then hoping but not completely hoping he'd go with us all to spend half of the day together and for him to relax. But I knew it may not be possible, work right now is always first and I asked him the day before.

 

Everything's fine now.

[nayla]

Everything's ok now all vented out.

 

But he told me my mom called him a lot cause she really needed to get her wash done and believed he was doing nothing, I didn't know. She'd probably think it wasn't going to get fixed for a few days and over worried and hated it, I didn't.

 

Tonight (close to 9 pm) he came to see what all happened...

He was dressed in new clothes,so he probably went somewhere, but would t tell me as he kept looking away and kept asking me how was my day also handing me cup of Starbucks hot coffee.

 

He thought that we went and my mom too. He even went to check the cooler and refrigerator. I told him no I had a bad day I couldn't go I had to turn back... Later I asked him why would he think we were out when he had spoken to me and mom on the house phone in early afternoon and that I did try calling him when I was out and he didn't answer, he says nothing.

 

Here my cars new lights are now working!!!!!! All he did was turn the car on. He stared at me I guess thinking I was lying .

Then he fixed the washer, a temporary hack like, it works just don't lift the lid when it's rinsing/spinning.

 

Trusting, sometimes I'm not sure once in a while I think there's going to be something or when everything's good then something small happened then I wonder what if there's more. But he says he's too old for that he's not 21 anymore he don't want headaches and problem and can't handle it anymore. But most things if not more he thinks it's mom big deal, but think he gets mad or don't like it if I try small lies, which I rarely do. Guess that's when I shutdown again (Last time was 6 months ago I didn't get a chance to pay the schools yet by just a day and snooped).

[Ms Darcy]

Can someone explain this to me? OP's posts are very confusing.

[nayla]

It was a vent

[nayla]

Was about more then one thing, which had frustrated me, maybe everyone.

 

Couldn't go out. Wondered about husband lying. Things kept braking. Kids not doing what they were supposed to.

 

Wow I'm shocked at someone not understanding, I can understand anyone even if we barely spoke the same language fluently.

 

* was pissed because I couldn't go on my planed fun filled day trip my kids and I.

 

*Different problems going on four hours long kept slowing me down to almost forgetting the whole thing, from going on my day trip which the ending result was stopping the day trip.

 

* kind of separated husband who said he couldn't go with us, which I was ok with who was supposed to be home relaxing in the afternoon from working in the morning, instead he wasn't home resting at all he was out with other people possibly a unknown women.

 

*my cars lightbulbs wasn't working

I didn't know how to install car's rear lightbulbs, do you?

 

*Husband wasn't answering his phone.

Husband couldn't install the lightbulbs because he wasn't home,

I learned how through watching YouTube videos.

 

* car lightbulbs were wrong size, I had to drive 15 minutes back to the store to exchange them.

 

*Right size car lightbulbs didn't fix the car light problem. So I still couldn't drive on major highways for two hours.

 

*feeling stuck prisoner in my own home (husbands and mine), because of car lights not working. While he was probably on his way out for fun. Kids and I sit at home bored.

 

*as we were packing the car, my washer had broken. (Mom lives here too she was using it)

It wouldn't drain the water, no matter what.

Fixed now. Wondering-Didn't know how to fix it the washer and dont have money to purchase a new one. When can it be fixed.

 

*wondering where husband went and with who also wondering if he lied about not being able to go with me but instead went with someone else somewhere else. Also was it a women, is he having another relationship with a women when he's supposed to be repairing ours.

 

*arguing with kids,

One sleeping late. Packing by my self, while 17 year old is just slowly waking up late.

 

* also a bit of wondering it mom would be ok alone.

 

*Leaving the house late. 2:30pm guessing now.

Zoo closes soon. Takes almost two hours to get there and I had lot of plans activities and driving.

 

Later

 

*mom was frustrated do to washer being broken and my husband couldn't take a look at it until late tonight, or she thought tomorrow. Soo

She kept calling him 4times.

 

*husband take a look at my car and Nothing is wrong with it now. 9pm

 

*husband is dressed in new casual cloths, (white shirt) also bought me coffee. (Kiss up?)

 

*washer is now fixed, kind of not but it works

Explanation- during rising the water if the door opens, the washer will not stop spinning, it can be dangerous do not touch.

 

*I can not go on any day trip until the weekend, due to planed actives, earns, important places to go, kids activities and kid has collage classes. Meaning waiting again.

 

*now, everyone's cooled off.

*Car is fine and had been fine since new lightbulbs were installed...but was unknown.

*Washer is fixed.

 

*husband wouldn't answer where he went.

 

*husband thought i went on the day trip already.

he searched for prove that I went or didn't.

 

Other parts/stories were just more uncontrolled venting and explained my worries about husband, that doesn't have much to do with today...

[Hollyj]

No offense, but you seem to make a big deal out of nothing. To be honest, I don't understand what you have to vent about. It seems that you create unnecessary drama for yourself.

 

Reading your post was tiring. Honestly, I don't know how you would handle a major event, if the items listed were enough to really set you off. Do you have anxiety issues?

[Fudgie]

Can you please explain what "sort of separated" means in terms of your relationship? Do you and your husband not live together currently?

 

I'm not exactly sure why you dropped everything because stuff broke. How does a washer not draining water impact your planned day activities with your children? Why couldn't you just bail the water out (or have your mom do it, cause she lives with you) and say "You know, I will work on this when I get back". Why did everything have to stop to fix it. Why did you try to replace the car lights yourself? Granted I know how to do that on my own car. Why did it have to be either your husband or you who fixes them? Why couldn't you get a friend to do it or stop by a repair shop to do it and pay a little in labor since it's an easy job. Were you going to be driving during the day? Not ideal but if I had a day planned and I had a light break on my car and I still had a working brake light AND I was not driving during the night, I'd be inclined to say "F it" and just go.

 

You sound really reliant on your husband and unable to manage problems when they come up. Sounds like he wanted a break from you and the kids. Why wouldn't he tell you? Maybe it's because you seem to get very upset over relatively minor mishaps and he doesn't feel safe coming to you with anything.

[Fudgie]

I came back to add: if the washer isn't draining, it's usually one of 2 things: drain pipe is clogged (so it can't drain) or your drain pump in your washer needs repair. Unclogging a drain is the easiest fix and replacing a drain pump takes a little more know-how but not that bad.

 

Here is my take (and I'm sorry if I come across as harsh) but I think it's important you to learn how to assess/diagnose and solve some of these problems on your own. There is nothing stopping you. When you own something like a car, a washer, etc. and it needs upkeep or repair, you have two options: 1) have enough money to have someone come and fix it for you or 2) have the know-how yourself to fix it yourself for free or at least more cheaply. It's nice to have a husband who can help but what if he's not around to help? Or he's at work? You need to learn how to do some of this yourself, at least know where to FIND the information you need and know where to go, ultimately, if you need someone else's help other than your husband's. It's part of being an independent adult, IMO.

[Quidam]

Someone seems high maintenance... An essay simply to vent

 

Over something a full community doesn't even understand

[j.man]

So basically your last minute plans didn't pan out and your guy had the audacity to enjoy an afternoon with his own friends. Even so, he still managed to make time to bring you coffee and to fix your headlamp and your needy mother's washing machine.

 

I've read your other threads and this man simply can not win. Even when you're trying to present your side of things to us, the guy still looks like a saint. If I recall correctly, he still financially supports you look for work despite him being separated from you. He pretty much lives an on-call lifestyle when it comes to tending not just to the children, but you as well. And yet you seem to continue questioning him every step of the way. He must really love his kids to put up with all of this.

[journeynow]

Other parts/stories were just more uncontrolled venting and explained my worries about husband, that doesn't have much to do with today...

 

Sometimes the mind does this, goes over and over events, doubts, frustrations, round and round, looking for the worst, feeling no control over events.

 

However, it's a matter of habit of mind, and we can train our mind to a new perspective, or a more productive mode. It starts with noticing the thoughts, a sort of mindfulness. You are aware of the thoughts, now, as you've gone over them. Now understand that we don't have to stay on a train of thought that reinforces our feelings of unhappiness and helplessness. We can look at different aspects of things and ourselves. You could make a new list, listing the same things you have here, but with a more positive spin. It may take time, since it is a new approach. Find something good or neutral about each thing. Try it a few times.You can make a new list of things YOU could do differently in the same scenario.

 

Let go of wanting to control your husband.

 

That said, if you are looking to make your husband wrong about everything, if you are suspicious, distrusting, unappreciative of him, make plans to end your relationship. No one needs that. If you insist on staying together, then start looking for and listing the good.

[journeynow]

Wow I'm shocked at someone not understanding,

 

This^.

 

I can't find the words, but this attitude may be at the root of your bad day. You sound very unhappy, and maybe it was a fluke of a day, but it doesn't sound like it. Venting on a forum can be useful, if we use it productively to let off steam AND THEN find solutions or things WE can do differently in the future. (Not what others should have done, or what we want to do to control them).

 

And your mother needs to back off on nagging your husband. He is not at her beck and call, nor should he be. The washing machine breaking is an inconvenience, but it is not an emergency. If he can't come when she wants, she can call a repairman, or haul the laundry to the laundromat.

[Hollyj]

I thought this was a boyfriend. According to an old thread.

[Ms Darcy]

Ok, I think I'm starting to understand a bit more.

 

I think the biggest area of confusion for me is the status of your relationship. Are you two legally separated? Are you "informally" separated and working on it? Is he basically just living there for the kids? I'm just trying to figure out where your relationship is. If he's basically there for the kids, then I don't think you "own" his free time and don't really have control of if he's seeing other women.

[nayla]

Wow! Ok I was hesitant about starting this, then again for this here reply. Mostly cause it's no big deal to us and don't know what's the point. (Just like a vent which I've never posted a vent anywhere).

 

Yes it wasn't that big of a deal, I never said it was. just wanted to vent a little to someone and if I had gotten a reply then ok if not that's ok, if the reply would had been about advice good or bad then ok.

 

Importantly, I wasn't that angry as it or others seemed I was, I was frustrated close to the point of mad for only 20 minutes! As I kept going over and over thinking and as time went on I was really wondering more about him... Everyone here was ok within a few minutes.

 

H seemed ok, he thought that I did go out he seemed like him self, he later (and at first) sat down with his feet up chit chatting. The next morning he called to joke that mom had a lot of laundry to do.

 

I didn't want to make my post even longer also I don't think I should've included other information other then what was happening, the purpose was venting not telling about my living situation and my family. So I will try to add on and answer some questions as well as correcting what others assumed of us.

 

I'd say yeah some would say someone makes big deals out of nothing and others wouldn't, you'd would have to understand the persons life and be there at the moment, some people can't take so much over and over. I do not have anxiety issues, I know what they are my mom has had some before.

 

Separation terms- now together but not living together (but acts like it) also repairing, both really wanting to stay together. My old house is both of ours. Was supposed to get married when we was 18 & 24, but things and my cousins said we were to young and moving to fast, stopped us. (Even though years later I realized all family members gotten married very young) tried again years later..

 

I never said my washer braking had stopped me from going, it added big frustration. We don't have the extra money to have a professional to come out as well as buying a new one. My mother has a disability so she couldn't haul the laundry to a laundry mat, along with taking all of the heavy soaked clothes out of the water and ring it out put them in the dryer and hang in the yard. (My son and I dried the clothes). I only knew how to empty the washer with a fitting cup. My mother didn't like/want her clothes to sit in water for the whole day possibly to the next day. She needed something that was in that washer.

 

I did say I eventually learned how and did replaced the car lights myself. I'm proud of my self for that. I wouldn't go take my car to a garage for someone else to do a job that was so easy that takes 2 minutes to do and pay them $15-20 that was the money for my trip ($60 trip) that's all I had which I gotten from selling unwanted things in my basement and from "H" so the money I had wasn't completely all mine. The last 2 times I had taken my (old/other) car to a garage me and "H" gotten into an argument and cost me $$ of my own money and time, because he could of had done it for less money and no labor, another time could've been free. I wouldn't ever (except emergency) drive two hours on a 4 lane going one way highway (starts on left and exits on right lanes also turns) and possibly in the dark without any lights working, I say that's putting my children and myself as well as others at risk and possibly ticket. It was the right side light, most of not all of my turns was to be right. I do not know anyone who could've fixed my car it my washer, also he don't like me asking anyone he says it's our responsibility. And it seems like we help other more often and others usually can't help us kinda thing.

 

I wouldn't like it if someone with a broken light to jump or squeeze in front of me if I'm driving faster then them, so I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. All car lights are for a safety and telling reason they'r important. Everyone has their opinions that mine and I stick to it.

 

I believe it could had been a last minute picnic trip for him, I didn't realize that until later, I wasn't worried about that as much as I was wondering (2nd vent and wonder) why and if he's done that before and with someone. I do not own his time, we try to be 50/50 he has mostly always done what he wants and when he wants. When I asked him later where he went, he didn't tell me but yet he wanted to know everything about me even searched around.

 

The washer- it didn't have those two problems, some how a button/thingie had broken off. When the lid is closed its suppose to spin well it wouldn't spin, now it spins with lid open and closed. We do not have money for a pro to fix it or to buy a new one also I don't know anyone who could've fixed it, except my uncle who had passed. My uncle had did the same things for his family as my H does, he could fix anything and told his wife and kids not to pay anyone to do his work cause he wanted to provide and protect his family, and he did. As well as most men in my family, if they can do it they don't want someone else to. So calling him about my washer and car to us it was normal to us.

 

Same as I do not know any women who can fix a washer or car!! (Except my moms friend who tried to fix her washer then lost half her finger) I can only do a few things I never said I'm incapable of everything. Why should I start trying to fix a large expensive can be dangers appliances when I had no idea where or how to start with only with 4 basic tools. He hides his tools from me, now their all locked up at his place and his job. Most of the time if I can try it myself I will other times I just Waite, which is usually a few hours or less or weeks.

 

I did not mention where is the washer and that I can't move it cause it's too heavy for me. It's in a small laundry room both washer and drier are squeezed between the drier and walls, the pipes and things are behind them that's under a large shelf, also on top of half of a carpet that I placed there. Again not important to anyone.

 

My mom also kinda panicked because last summer, while we were away on our 1wk family vaca (always do) he didn't stay, a crazy large disaster happened in my home, he didn't do any repairs for 10 months but kept saying he will do it don't touch anything! I couldn't do any of it myself I dont know anyone who could had, he had to insurance money in his bank, also another thing still waiting, it wasn't easy having to live like that...on days off he'd watch tv or sleep.

 

Yeah we had told her to slow down or stop calling soo much for things, he even said before he thinks he's married to her and not me because of it and even ignore her calls before. She worries way too much and hates not being in control and probably trust issues.... Yes she's controlling we've had arguments! But she's still the best, a very large caring helping heart... Yes mom and others had said he must really love his kids and even me, also that I as well must really love him to put up with him.

 

I can't say I'm surprised someone here would think he's a saint cause I hadn't posted anything about him or us, but he's really far from it! Only that he is very helpful caring person and a few other things too... That's just a few of the reasons why I was wondering if he was or is hiding a women. I did tell him that he only does a few certain things for the kids and not me, he gotten mad and said no it's for me, too..

 

Things didn't go as planed we was disappointed and fed up, so we all have up, first 20

Minuets I wasn't happy about it, if he wanted to go out with friends then that's ok I never complained before, just don't lie about it and do be cheating. Bring hot coffee for me was kind of a surprise because of what was happening. He tells me to call him when ever and I say the same, also he has said he loves his kids and me no matter what and cant be mad at me also nobody will stop him. He didn't fix the headlamp, I did.

 

I don't think I control anyone most days it's as if they control me. Yes I have been trying to make good and bad list of the both of us. Also thought of better ways of how we could've handled this, which is better, if you had advice that would be welcomed. It's all true so if it would had been more list for others to understand it would be the same but probably try shorter... Thinking of ending the relationship or staying but first it deserved to try. He doesn't want it to end either, but I say it needs to be better guessing it starts with the past and now...

 

I continue to learn and grow with everything that goes on in my life so from this too I have and will learn. Sorry and Thanks... Completely done!!!

[Wiseman2]

So you are not and never were married? So he moved out and you are trying to get him to move back?

Separation terms- now together but not living together also repairing, both really wanting to stay together. Was supposed to get married when we was 18 & 24, but things stopped us.