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reasons for a break-up, are they recoverable


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Hello, My girlfriend of over 4 years just broke up with me after many warnings for a few issues that she figured were serious enough for her to leave me. I know she still has feelings for me and loves me and I know she didn't want to leave me but figured she had to as I never was able to fix the issues while in the relationship. These issues all seemed to pop up in the last 6 to 8 months we were together..


The issues she had were,


1. Lack of affection. Not that I was never affectionate, but she always wished I could be more than I was. Sometimes I would just ignore her and get wrapped up in my phone

2. Lack of sex. (I became addicted to porn during the week when I wouldn't see her, and it effected our times together)

3. Me being an unhappy person. She said she wished I would look at things and see the positives instead of being negative.

4. Disrespectfully checking out other girls while out with her. (this on top of the lack of sex made her think I was not attracted to her, hence she left me)


She made the comment when she broke up with me that she "feels I am only with her because I'm scared to be alone"

She told me a week before the breakup and always though out the last 4 years that I was so special to her, and she loved me and that no other guy ever treated her as amazing as I have (with the exception of these issues), she also said while breaking up that it was an extremely hard decision to make as I have a lot of amazing qualities and it killed her to leave. She even called me after the break up to tell me she changed her mind, come over only to change it 5 minutes later saying she can't take me back right now, or I would take her as a joke and give her a few months.


I texted her after 6 weeks of NC to tell her I missed her and did she see a possibility of us getting back together to which she asked "have you not met any girls you like better." I replied, I met girls but none of them make me feel like she did to which she replied "Awwww really? Yeah I miss you too." I invited her out to dinner to talk to which she replied "aww thank you I will let you know"


I love this girl more than anything in the world (more than I even thought I could, just didn't realize it until I lost her). I know if I had a chance I could correct these issues (I have been working on them already). There was never any lying, cheating or major fighting in our relationship. We always went on nice trips, I always bought her really nice things. I even spent my free time helping her dad around the house many weekends never wanting or expecting money for it. Her family was more family to me than mine was.


I just wondered if you guys out there were in her shoes would you give me another chance? Do you feel like the issues I have listed are recoverable. Also what do you make of her text replies. I know no one can tell me for sure what she is thinking/feeling. I am just looking to get some outsider opinion on the matter. I am also trying to move on at the same time incase she doesn't come back, but I am curious what others feel about this situation.


Thank you for talking the time to read this and in advance for your replies.

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This dialogue you posted under a different user name still doesn't sound too hopeful.

she asked "have you not met any girls you like better." I replied, I met girls but none of them make me feel like she did to which she replied "Awwww really? Yeah I miss you too." I invited her out to dinner to talk to which she replied "aww thank you I will let you know"
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I get you feel it doesn't look too hopeful, but the replys from the texts I sent her seemed warm. I mean if she had no intrest she could have been colder. Than 3 hours after the last text she poked me on FB (something we would do back and forth all the time when we were together, and stopped when she broke up with me) so, why would she have gone out of her way to do that. I know no on on here knows the reasons she does what she does, I am just looking for your opinions to the matter. And yes, I lost access to the email the other account was on so I made a new account.

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It seems like you two still miss each other and love each other. But that's not the point. She broke up with because your relationship had some major issues. The most important question is - What've have you been doing to improve yourself and to correct those issues?

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The other account was associated with the email I no longer use, I want nothing to do with that email due to issues I had with spam so I closed the account. Why would I keep the user account I made on here with the email I no longer access. I instead made a new account. I don't see how this is a big issue. Is this a board to get help and support from people or for people to nit-pick about the account you use and accuse you of having more than one account just to get more replies. I just want to see what other people feel about my story not argue about account names... Is there anyone else reading this that can offer any advice or opinions on my story?

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Since the breakup, I have started looking at my life in a more positive way, anytime I feel a negative thought I quickly stop myself and force myself to find something positive in it. I have also deleted most of the pornography and canceled the memberships. I have started eating healthier, working out and have lost 15 pounds so far. I am causally dating a girl who we both are not looking for anything serious but are just enjoying each others company (I know my ex has been talking to a few guys though she told me they only talk for a week or so than they/she loose interest) With this companion girl I am working on my showing affection even though it feels weird holding a girl who is not my ex. Again this girl I'm spending time with now also just got out of a LT relationship and neither of us are looking for more than companionship. We spend most of our time talking about our exes. I know I would never check out other girls if I ever got lucky enough to get a chance with my ex again because I now realize just how rude/hurtful that is to the other person.

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The text where she asked if you had met someone else you like better makes it seem like she's hoping you will move on...in my opinion. Just keep working on your issues so that the next relationship you are in doesn't fall victim to the same things. Practicing affection on your rebound seems a little strange to me, as it's not genuine. Maybe just work on that when you get into your next real relationship. You may find a girl who doesn't want/need the amount of affection your ex was asking for.

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I thought that too, but than 3 hours after our texting she poked me on Facebook (something we used to do when we were together all the time, and she had stopped doing it after we split up) I am just wondering what your opinion of that is? If she was hoping I would get over her, why would she go out of her way to poke me. If I wanted someone to move on I wouldn't have done that. Any thoughts?

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I can't know what she's thinking, and I don't want to give false hope. But it sounds to me like she just didn't feel appreciated enough and she doubted your love for her due to your actions, hence the breakup. I've done the same thing. It's too hurtful to stay in a relationship in which you doubt you are fully loved. If it were me (and it has been me before), I would want you back, but you would really have to prove yourself to me and do a huge 180 on the problem issues (not just kind of, and not just for a little while, but consistently and all the way).


I will say, though, that it would be a HUUUUUUUGE turn-off and big red flag if I found out you were seeing someone (even casually) while trying to get me back. I guess since you guys broke up, dating others is fair game. I know she's talking to other guys (probably in an attempt to distract herself from you). But since the problems that led to the breakup came from your end, I would want to see you focusing on fixing the issues, not spending time with someone else. Right or wrong, I just couldn't handle that, and it would make me extremely wary of starting back up with you.


I think her comment asking if you found someone you like better indicates that she felt you were never fully satisfied with her (given your actions, I would feel the same).


All just opinion, from a woman who has been in her shoes.

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How soon after the breakup did you start seeing this other girl? How did you meet her? Why did you jump into something new so quickly (even though it's casual, as you say)? I'm asking in an attempt to further help you, as well as for my own curiosity. I was on and off with my ex for the past two years because of reasons similar to why yours broke up with you. And every time we ended, he jumped right back on the dating site. This time, I know he jumped right into something with someone else, and I imagine that he's already in love with her (your girl may very well not believe you that it's just casual with this girl, fyi). I still want nothing more in the world than to be with him and things be good, but I'm 95% sure that I wouldn't and couldn't take him back now even if he tried, knowing he jumped into something so quickly with this other girl. If I had my doubts about his true intentions before, this certainly solidified those doubts and has made me feel that I meant nothing at all to him. Your girl may or may not feel the same way.

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