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Confused and sad


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Well my bf of going on 5 years had a relationship with another women. He has been seeing her since three weeks after I had my daughter. She is married with two kids. And well she got pregnant and she had an abortion. My bf told me at that moment he realized how big of a mistake he was making. We have two kids together. He said he loves her but is in love with me? Idk what that means and that he wants to work on things and make us better and be happy again. My question is I have so much hurt is it really worth trying for? He said he tried to move in with her and couldn't and realized that he can't live without me and wants to marry me. I'm so lost and confused and hurt. He sure did it when I least exspected it. Some days I feel ok and others I'm just a mess. Has anyone been in the same situation before?

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is it really worth trying for?


Only you can answer that. Has he been cheating since the birth of your first or second child?

Could he not move in with her because he didn't want to ruin his cushy two-women set up or because she wouldn't leave her husband?


Have you been to the clinic and been tested? Do that first.

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No, it's not worth trying. He's just telling you to be okay with a harem and he can have you and her. Your better choice is to tell him to suffer the consequences of his actions and while he needs to step up to the plate and be a good dad, he has no chance with you.


And I say that, because anyone who would cheat and leave their partner who has just had their child is someone who doesn't know the meaning of the words loyalty and faithfulness. He is only back because the "newness" and excitement have worn off, but you'll notice he hasn't given her up.


He just wants the comfort of two households. If you accept this offer more hurt is all you're ever going to get and he will likely add more women into the mix secure in the knowledge two women are already putting up with his freeze-dried BS.


Work on yourself, your own healing, keep any contact outside of that with the kids to a minimum and move on. This guy hasn't even proven to you he's going to be faithful to you, just oh please can't he sleep with you and her too is what he's really saying.


I'm sorry, but don't you think you are actually owed more respect than that. You are the mother of his children for heavens sakes, that gives you some power, wield it and bring that down on his head okay? Crack the whip a bit, get your own life, hold his feet to the fire as a father, but tell him he's had his chance with you and blew it. Then you focus on your kids, your life, get it all together and get someoen who won't be out chasing strange while his partner and newborn child are sitting at home waiting for a Daddy that never shows.

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Sounds like the guy wants to have two families. As the son of a person who tried a similar approach to life, for the sake of you and your children, I recommend dumping him promptly and definitely.


And by the way, the whole "love/in love" dichotomy is complete BS. It means whatever you want it to mean. There's no weight to it.

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Poor you. What an awful and painful situation to find yourself in. It's so hard when you love someone to see their faults, but just imagine your best friend were telling you her bf had done this to her. What would you advise her?


I think you need to protect yourself and end this relationship. It will be very painful and hard for a few months but soon you will feel stronger.


Think about it - if he had kissed someone you may have forgiven him, if he had slept with someone you may have forgiven him (not many would) - but to get another woman pregnant then get her to have an abortion when his own daughter was 3 weeks old, tell you he loves this woman and tried to move in with her but came back to you.


Just read and re-read that sentence above. I'm sorry, but you have doormat written across your head. You get one shot at this life - do you really want this to be the example you set for your daughter? Come on now. You are stronger without him. Take care and stay strong.

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