Moving on

[Coleworldx]

Hi ,

What's the best way to get over a breakup and move on? Especially one which has been emotionally abusive?

NC is important I know..

But should you be isolating yourself to just handle your emotions independently?

Do you just get back up n back out there? ( not sexually)

Or just take the highs & lows as they come ?

I've always feared handling the healing process after a break up.. I just don't know where to start

[Astrogirllibra]

I'm going through the same thing as you so if it helps, you're not alone. In my opinion it really depends on you as a person and what feels right. I find I go through phases where I just want to isolate and do some reflecting and focus on myself, and some phases where I really want to get out there and meet new people. There's no right or wrong way to do things. Just make sure what you're doing feels good. If you try dating and you are unhappy or don't want to yet, don't force yourself. Sometimes we need time to let ourselves heal. Hugs to you and I hope we both get through this soon. Stay strong!

[Coleworldx]

I'm going through the same thing as you so if it helps, you're not alone. In my opinion it really depends on you as a person and what feels right. I find I go through phases where I just want to isolate and do some reflecting and focus on myself, and some phases where I really want to get out there and meet new people. There's no right or wrong way to do things. Just make sure what you're doing feels good. If you try dating and you are unhappy or don't want to yet, don't force yourself. Sometimes we need time to let ourselves heal. Hugs to you and I hope we both get through this soon. Stay strong!

 

 

You've literally wrote everything I feel.. The more you plan how you're going to deal with it, the more you can't

I hope you stay strong too angel!

[catfeeder]

But should you be isolating yourself to just handle your emotions independently?

 

No, isolation is stagnation. Emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. If you sit and wait to feel better before pursuing time with friends and family, you'll never feel better.

 

Use counseling, clergy or support groups to make time for venting and discussing problems, and avoid becoming a draining vampire with family and friends. Make your time with loved ones about them, not about you. This will pull you out of a self centered focus that only digs you into a deeper hole to climb out of.

 

When I recognized that I don't feel fabulous enough to entertain anyone, I just showed up for people 'as is' and let them be the talkers and entertainers. I listened, and I learned that being the best possible listener and helper with home projects or errands or a companion for movies or whatever requires very little input from me. Every time I did this, it was a vacation from dwelling on my heartbreak, and I recognize that this distraction lifted me up and out of my misery because it helped me feel valuable to those I'd neglected when I was focused on a relationship.

 

Engaging with healthy people is the best and quickest way to heal.

[Coleworldx]

No, isolation is stagnation. Emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. If you sit and wait to feel better before pursuing time with friends and family, you'll never feel better.

 

Use counseling, clergy or support groups to make time for venting and discussing problems, and avoid becoming a draining vampire with family and friends. Make your time with loved ones about them, not about you. This will pull you out of a self centered focus that only digs you into a deeper hole to climb out of.

 

When I recognized that I don't feel fabulous enough to entertain anyone, I just showed up for people 'as is' and let them be the talkers and entertainers. I listened, and I learned that being the best possible listener and helper with home projects or errands or a companion for movies or whatever requires very little input from me. Every time I did this, it was a vacation from dwelling on my heartbreak, and I recognize that this distraction lifted me up and out of my misery because it helped me feel valuable to those I'd neglected when I was focused on a relationship.

 

Engaging with healthy people is the best and quickest way to heal.

 

Thank you. I agree the isolation didn't help me. What did help is being out with friends & family making myself feel attractive and getting out there.. All the things I stopped doing when I was in my emotionally abusive relationship.. It helps a lot no matter what's going on in the back of my mind I'm really learning to appreciate what I now have .. My freedom and loved ones