When will this hurt end? I just want to move on.

[givemeinsight]

I just broke up with my ex. The reason? I don't understand clearly or maybe i know, but i just want to keep living in a delusion.

 

This is gonna be a long rant..

 

My ex and i met on May 2015 in an internet forum, yeah it was LDR.

 

It was amazing. We immediately clicked, we made each other laugh and happy. We needed each other and couldn't stay away for too long with constant messages throughout the day.

 

A year has passed, we started to get busy and I started to notice how imbalanced it was.

 

Before, he never iniated any dates. I didn't realize this in the beginning. He just messaged me whenever he had free time, luckily i was a freelancer so i could be available whenever he was. So whenever we chatted, we had a blast. But then after i got busy, i asked for scheduled dates and he apparently never wanted to. He just didn't want to plan anything with me.

 

He got busier than ever too and i think he got into depression. Overwork, oversleep, overtired and anxiety. He also started to pulling away from me. When before he would constantly look for me if i stopped replying, now he could "live" when i didn't even initiate the chat.

 

We got into constant fights for this, months of fighting but he never wanted to try changing anything. To at least spend a quality time with me.

 

Until i couldn't do this anymore, i clearly wasn't his priority, so i asked for a break up. And he agreed..

 

We talked about what went wrong. Sure depression plays some part, but apparently his feeling for me has stopped. He likes me, but can't call it love.

 

He's sure because he could break up with me so that he wouldn't get hurt and not hurting me. If he loved me, he would endure and tried (yet he never tried anything even before) to get better and wouldn't want to break up.

 

But mind you, this guy has been depressed for so long he can't remember when it started and even told me, he closed his heart long time ago so he wouldn't get hurt.

 

He was planning a future with me, even creating a family. But now he claimed he never thought of it. He told me he has said that because he'd thought our relationship was different since usually his other relationship only lasted for 3 months.

 

He thought he would like me to be his fiancee. At least that's what he felt until he realized the feeling wasn't like that. I asked when he noticed the feeling.

 

And he told me, when things didn't change for him, when he got into a bad state of oversleeping. (We fought a lot because of this)

 

Apparently because things were fine back then, he's still sure. But now when things got worse, he thought his situation simply still didn't change. He felt like this was no different than his other relationships, although it lasted the longest.

 

He said he liked me enough not to see me suffer. So he broke up with me, because i want a serious relationship, and he only wants a 6 months term relationship.

 

How could someone's feeling change just like that? One moment, he couldn't stay away from me. And suddenly, he lived without needing me.

 

I wanted to believe it's just his depression and his other issues. Not his true feeling. This is my small hope. Can a depressed person love someone else?

But what if it's not about he closes his heart so i can't get in, but simply because i'm not the right one for him? So his true feeling is indeed not for me? Someone please give me an insight..

 

It hurts so bad. I miss him. I miss us. We were so perfect and planned our future together although in the distant. But now he said it's not like that and the feeling didn't evolve. But how could it evolve if he closed his heart?

 

Everyday i'm asking myself, didn't he even miss me? Wasn't he miserable like me?

 

We're still friends now since we parted ways in a good terms and i don't want to abandon him in his state. But it hurts me because i miss the old us so much.

 

Tl;dr: I don't know what to think. All i want now is to stop this hurting me. When will this hurt end?

[catfeeder]

How often did you see one another in person?

 

The problem with LDRs is that they are fantasy based. They're all about building electronic illusions, and you bought into those more than he did. He got bored and viewed the hour distance too much of a hassle to pursue anything real.

 

So while your grief is certainly real, it's the pain of dis-illusion-ment. It can be helpful to consider how much of your time was invested in real-life interaction versus the communication that built fantasies you're now struggling to let go of.

 

Head high, and write more if it helps.