Is he into me, or not? Help!

[PersonaPersona]

Recently, I met this guy on a dating app, and we've been talking and going on dates for about three months now, we're exclusive at this point. Ever since, I've really started to like him. He has the nicest eyes, the cutest smile, and seeing him or hearing his name just gives me butterflies in my stomach. You know, the normal crush symptoms! Get this though, this guy has never been in a real committed relationship. He is 28 years old, and has never been with a man for more than a few months, (yes, I'm a guy), and it just surprises me that someone his age has never been in one. I've never met his friends, I've never been told about any of them, I only know a few family members that he's mentioned, but I haven't even met those yet.

 

In terms of getting to know him, I've only gotten some of what I feel like is a lot. I know that he's tried to look for something serious, failed, and went into hooking up with guys on apps like Grindr and so on, and went back to looking for something serious because he got tired of the empty feeling after meaningless sex.

 

What is always on the back of my mind when I'm with him is whether or not he's actually interested in me or my body. Does he just want me for sex, or because he actually wants to get to know me? – that's what I keep asking myself. It's killing me.

 

A few weeks ago, something broke my heart a little. I have introduced him to my best friends, I've opened up to him, so I thought it would be the time for me to take the next step. I asked him if he wanted to make us a commitment – A.K.A. be my boyfriend. His reply was basically, "Not yet. I haven't thought about this being serious." and it completely threw me off. I was here all this time thinking that as time passes by, it begins to get a little more serious after the honeymoon phase, while he was just enjoying my company.

 

Today, he took me out to the movies. I wasn't really feeling any of it because I started thinking about whether or not his intentions were genuine or not. And so I was upset, and you could note it visually by how quiet I was, my expression, and body language. None of these things triggered anything from him. I didn't get a "What's wrong?" or "You seem upset, are you okay?", he just went quiet and mirrored what I was doing.

 

I just don't get what this guys deal is! I respect him, I ask him how his days go, I offer ears to listen to whatever he has on his mind if he needs me, I care about him, if he ever needed me I'd be there – he knows all this! But I feel like all my efforts to show him that 'I' genuinely like him are in vain. But even then, it just seems like it's not enough or he just plain isn't interested in me the way I am in him.

 

It just hurts, and I apologize this for being so long. But I am getting so tired and impatient of running in circles trying to get answers from him. I've tried directly asking, and there's always an excuse. He'll say something like "You shouldn't be talking to me about this when I'm tired and falling asleep.", or "You just don't get it, that's not what I'm trying to say."

 

Please help! I'm sorry this is a mess, I'm trying to explain this the best I can!

[Andrina]

Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. He is short term material. You two don't have the same dating goals. It's frustrating when you have great chemistry with someone and enjoy their company. The same thing happened to me several times when I was single and dating. When I saw that the guy wasn't on the same page as me as far as relationship goals went, I cut him loose. This freed me to be single when the right one came along, and he eventually did. You need to cut the player loose. When you're not happy in the present, don't hang your expectations on some future possibility of change. It's not going to happen.

[Brokenheart99]

He won't ever become serious because he can't even have a serious conversation with you. That tells you a lot. And that may reveal why he's never been in a long term relationship. If he's not even willing to talk to you about things or bother asking you when you visibly are upset, then he doesn't truly care about you nor does he see a future with you. After three months, I would imagine that someone has somewhat of an idea of how they feel about things. His indecision is an answer, in my opinion. Cut your losses and move on! Hugs

[gp11a]

Yeah, this guy is on a different page. Cut him loose, sorry to say. 3 months, you're exclusive, but he "hasn't thought about this being serious"? Not even inquiring what is wrong when you are upset? This is why I always ask someone if I start dating them what they are looking for... so we're not on a different page. Casual/Casual? Cool. Casual/Looking for marriage? Mismatch.

 

Maybe he'll realize later on, but you have wants/needs and can't let him just do what he wants... If you do it now, it'll continue. Maybe he'll change someday, but don't put yourself second. He might respect it, or it might make no difference... but you'll be focusing on you.