It's time to break up but I can't.

[Brokenheart07]

I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but it's such a long story.

 

I met this guy when I was on vacation in a different country. He was actually a friend of my cousin that lives in that country as well. This guy expressed interest in me and at the time, I was bored, lonley, and loved the attention. I had just gotten out of a very sad friends with benefits that I ended up falling for the guy and things didn't end well. So this guy ended up being great to fill that void in my life.

 

Fast forward a few months into texting back and forth, he never told me that things were bad for him financially. We made plans for him to relocate to the States. Unfortunately, after we became official, I found out that things are so bad for him financially that he isn't able to move here like we planned. Things are so bad for him. His entire family is not financially stable, his brother died, and he tells me how he struggles to eat every day.

 

We used to be able to text everyday but some days he can't because he doesn't have money for his phone. One thing I know for sure is that he REALLY loves me, and no he is not using me for anything. All the while, I didn't want to stay in the relationship because of all the hurdles but I felt really bad breaking up with me. He says I'm the only thing in life that makes him happy.

 

The last time i saw him was last summer when I flew out to see him. While I was there, he really couldn't afford to do much. Just a movie and a light lunch for the whole 3 weeks I spent in his country. He felt really bad. I was also annoyed, thought about breaking up but I could see how much he tried and I felt bad.

 

Fast forward, we are now 2 1/2 years into this relationship. I've asked him point blank, do you have any long term plans of relocating to the states and he says it's the money and visa process holding him back. He hasn't been able to find a good job that pays him over $100 a month in 2 years due to their bad economy and the process to get a visa is hard due to too many people wanting a visa.

 

Now around November, I told him that I needed a break to gather my thoughts, so we took a break for about 4 months. In that time, I met another guy. We dated and I was started to fall for him. The guy ended up not wanting to be exclusive so I left. I never told my long distance boyfriend about him because there wasn't any need to, we technically weren't together. When we reconciled, it was obvious that things weren't the same more so on my end. The WORST feeling in the world is when you are mourning a break up with one guy and mourning the fact that you no longer romantically love someone that adores you. We tell eachother everything, and it was/still is so hard to keep this from him.

 

Now, I'll be going away for law school. It's a fresh new start, the thought of being in this relationship while I'm in law school depresses me. I know it's time to break up but I can't bring myself to break his heart. He LITERALLY HAS NOTHING. He always tells me that he "thanks God for bringing me into this life everyday." That before he met me he was giving up on hope on life. Everytime I think of leaving him I just cry and cry. I feel very dark and dead inside when I think of him crying. Now it's come to a point where it's either his happiness or mine. I don't know what to do.

[Hollyj]

Nothing could be worse than you stringing this guy along. End it, so that he can find someone who values him.

 

In the future, don't use others to fill a void. That's super-selfish!

[Capricorn3]

May I ask what country he is from? Have you ever met his family? Parents, siblings, been to his home etc?

 

Personally, I would cut my losses as I don't see this "relationship" ever going anywhere. Focus on your law school studies. A fresh new start sounds like the right thing to do (imo).

 

That said, dare I say, I can't help but get a "scam" vibe. I think it's time to cut your losses and focus on your life at home and your studies etc.

[nuttybuddy]

first of all, snap out of it. you can't be anyone's savior. it sounds like what you're struggling with is not "love" for him but more of pity for him. you don't want to be the "bad guy" who took away the hope that this person had. but ya know what? you're not the savior of the world, Jesus is!

 

secondly, he needs to figure out a way to get himself out of the funk he's in. i know being in poverty, surrounded by poverty does not help. but he knows your cousin. does your cousin try to help him at all? why can't he find a job? he's young. he's got youth and strength if he doesn't have education. he can DO SOMETHING.

 

tell him you can support him as a friend, but nothing else. The following says it all:

 

I'll be going away for law school. It's a fresh new start, the thought of being in this relationship while I'm in law school depresses me.

 

you don't love him. let him go and let him find the one who will truly love him. stop leading him on!!!

[Brokenheart07]

It's not as if I didn't also like him as well. The fact that he filled a void was more so that I didn't feel like dealing with the pain from my last break up that I jumped into this relationship without out considering the distance.

[Brokenheart07]

first of all, snap out of it. you can't be anyone's savior. it sounds like what you're struggling with is not "love" for him but more of pity for him. you don't want to be the "bad guy" who took away the hope that this person had. but ya know what? you're not the savior of the world, Jesus is!

 

secondly, he needs to figure out a way to get himself out of the funk he's in. i know being in poverty, surrounded by poverty does not help. but he knows your cousin. does your cousin try to help him at all? why can't he find a job? he's young. he's got youth and strength if he doesn't have education. he can DO SOMETHING.

 

tell him you can support him as a friend, but nothing else. The following says it all:

 

 

 

you don't love him. let him go and let him find the one who will truly love him. stop leading him on!!!

 

I love him, but I can't deal with the distance and all the hurdles in this relationship. If he were able to relocate to the states, I would 100% want to be with him. However, he does not have a solid timeframe of when he can relocate. He says he couldn't even see himself relocating 2 years out based on finances and visa. And I simply cannot wait that long. He does have a bachelors but the economy in his country is really bad. My cousin also doesn't have a job due to their terrible economy so he can't help him. It's really terrible.

[Brokenheart07]

May I ask what country he is from? Have you ever met his family? Parents, siblings, been to his home etc?

 

Personally, I would cut my losses as I don't see this "relationship" ever going anywhere. Focus on your law school studies. A fresh new start sounds like the right thing to do (imo).

 

That said, dare I say, I can't help but get a "scam" vibe. I think it's time to cut your losses and focus on your life at home and your studies etc.

 

He is from Zimbabwe. That is where my family originally comes from. If you don't mind me asking, what about this comes off as a scam? Given that, I haven't given him any money or anything except a birthday gift once. I like to know because maybe there is something I can't see, but others can see.

[Brokenheart07]

It's not as if I didn't also like him as well. The fact that he filled a void was more so that I didn't feel like dealing with the pain from my last break up that I jumped into this relationship without out considering the distance.

 

In the future, don't use others to fill a void. That's super-selfish!

[Capricorn3]

Under review.

[kamurj]

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