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Am I being strung along or does he really love me?


cvd101088

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So this is my first post. I need a little advice. I've been some what dating this guy on and off for the last 2 years. More recently more on then off... I can actually say I'm in love with him. And only sometimes do I feel like he feels the same way.

 

We are not dating because in his words he doesn't have his self together as a man. Which I can respect I don't nag or bother him. He's hurt me a lot but for some reason I still stay. Smh

 

He's in the army he's been gone for a week doing his AT and we've barley talked. I know that he's not that busy he's been on social media. So it's like I know he might need a break from me as I do from him. But what's wrong with checking in? I feel like it's just out of sight out of mind, like I don't matter. I miss him like crazy but I don't want to bother him and he's dry with me.

 

What should I do?

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You should start dating someone who does want to be in a relationship and who you care about, then whether this guy texts while on AT would be irrelevant. Since you're not dating you don't even have to break up right?

I can actually say I'm in love with him.We are not dating because in his words he doesn't have his self together as a man.
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Move on. He does not feel the same. Not dating because he doesn't have his act together, is nonsense. Do you sleep together?

 

Did he take you out and introduce you to friends and family?

 

Don't waste another two years on this guy.

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Friend, I'm going to be upfront and suggest you move on. He may or may not realise, but he's benefiting from having a relationship that he wants without the emotional commitment, while you suffer as a result. You're giving him everything he needs, whenever he needs it, but ignoring your own. You deserve more than that. You deserve someone who will mutually return the same level of commitment. The longer you stay with this guy, the more prolonged your suffering. Let go. He may realise what he's lost and put in the amount of effort you deserve as well... that or you will have found someone you deserve and will no longer suffer because of his hot and cold attitude to whatever kind of relationship he has. Think about yourself, but he sure as hell isn't, and you're suffering as a result.

Trust this from someone who's just experienced what you are now.

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The consistent advice is going to be to move on, but there is much more to this - by your own description you are "in love" with someone who has hurt you a lot, ignores you, does not want to date you, is living his life and you have continued with all this for 2 years. This is not about him, it is about why you would continue to leave yourself in this situation and be dangled, it's not healthy for you.

 

The longer you spend trying to get the love or approval of someone who is emotionally distant, the more stuck you're going to become, the more difficult it is to leave the situation, and the worse you're going to feel. I would guess you may have experienced emotional distance at some point within your own family, people often seek out familiar patterns in potential partners. So what should you do? Take charge by stopping contact in order to help yourself move on, and maybe talk it over with a therapist so that you will not find yourself in a situation like this again.

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We are not dating because in his words he doesn't have his self together as a man.

I don't nag or bother him.

He's hurt me a lot but for some reason I still stay.

I don't want to bother him and he's dry with me.

What should I do?

 

You are good enough and deserving of someone who shows you love an affection without this much insecurity. Stop thinking you need to walk such a careful line. Not wanting to bother someone with affection that you've been dating for this long is a problem. It shouldn't be this difficult. You deserve someone that loves the things you love about yourself and shows you that. You don't have control over this situation, stop trying to change it. Despite how it feels to you in terms of love, this situation is what it is, it's not good enough for you, you can do much better.

 

Instead of walking on egg shells, trying to be good enough for him, focus on what you want and your needs, they aren't being met.

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