Daim88 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Ok so about two weeks ago I started talking to a guy on a dating site. We hit it off straight away to the point we was on the phone constantly. (I dont usually do phone calls as I hate being glued to the phone.) After a few days it started to irritate me being on the phone so much as I felt like I wasnt having me time and when I did try and come off the phone you would hear the disappointment in his voice. If I did come off the phone to do something he'd expect me to call back straight away. During our talks we talked about what we were looking for and we were both looking to settle down and have more children. However I did say to him that I need time to feel comfortable first with anyone. We met for the first time and things went well and we spent the whole weekend in each others company but I found I wasnt actually attracted to him as such. But our personalities clicked. One night I told him I was going out with my sister and he asked what I would be wearing, then how short the dress is. He then makes a statement that men would be all over me. I didnt say anything to him at the time but deep down I was annoyed. Bear in mind at this point I had only known him a week. The next day he messages me asking how far did guys get with me and to me that came across as your easy. (Correct me if im wrong). I expressed this to him and he said he didnt mean it in that way and apologised. I stated that I need space as I feel claustrophpbic and im not getting my space. He accepted this however I saw his attitude change in a way that he was trying to back off. I accepted this as it was what I wanted as I felt he was being too full on. He had already told his family about me and planned moving in and was consistently asking for a key to my house. I brushed it off as flirting. In the second week of knowing him he asked me if we are on the same page. I was truthful and told him I dont mind getting to know him but I cannot give him the attention he needs so he date someone else as I am not able to offer that. However it doesnt seem as though he has accepted this and is talking about having children with me and moving in and how.much he misses me. Am I being unreasonable? Should I still give him a chance although I am not attracted to him? He has good qualities however the fact that he is so full on pushes me away. Im confused. Link to comment
Clinton Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Really?!?! He's a nut job and of top of that YOURE NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM. Where do you see any hope of success?? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 A few red flags and deal-breakers here. Too much pre-meet talking. No attraction. Bizarre inappropriate/creepy questions. Asked for keys to your house. Yes please text 'sorry we're not a match', block and RUN. The creepometer is in the red zone.After a few days it started to irritate me. I wasnt actually attracted to him I was annoyed. consistently asking for a key to my house. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Run just run! There are so many red flags with this guy I don't even know where to start. He is a 10 star clinger, he is talking kids and marriage without even knowing you - a red flag the size of China and then some. He is commenting on what you are wearing - indications of an insecure control freak. He is asking you how far other men got with you.....good grief that is all insane. On top of that you are not attracted to him. There is NOTHING good about this guy and a whole lot of flashing neon signs that are screaming at you to RUN RUN RUN and fast too. Link to comment
nuttybuddy Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 you're not attracted to him and in 2 wks he wants to move in and have kids with you????? does that sound logical???? c'mon!!!! dump him. he sounds stalker-ish. you hardly know him! and he wants to move in and tell you what to wear and make sure you have no guys hitting on you!!! he's a psychopath you could smell from a mile away. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 A few red flags and deal-breakers here. Too much pre-meet talking. No attraction. Bizarre inappropriate/creepy questions. Asked for keys to your house. Yes please text 'sorry we're not a match', block and RUN. The creepometer is in the red zone. Oh wow, missed the asking for the keys....OMG he is a total psycho! I just hope he is not actually dangerous. Please cut off all contact, block him and get far far away from him and do be sure to watch your back. Link to comment
nuttybuddy Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 a red flag the size of China and then some. haha Link to comment
Daim88 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 Lol thank you for your responses I wasnt sure if it was just me but guys I start talking too get this way all the time and im not sure if its me sending off the wrong signals. I had a guy I dated once turn up at my house with a gift. I am honest in saying what I am looking for and tend to get along with just about anyone. But you guys have confirmed my thoughts I just didn't want to be mean to him Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Just firm up some boundaries in the beginning, for example your home address, meeting in public,etc.. Avoid TMI, especially too much personal info. Take it slow. However there are weirdos out there and chances are you'll come across some. Good you caught this one early and your instincts kicked in to ditch him. Link to comment
qwaspolk82 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Ok so about two weeks ago I started talking to a guy on a dating site. We hit it off straight away to the point we was on the phone constantly. (I dont usually do phone calls as I hate being glued to the phone.) After a few days it started to irritate me being on the phone so much as I felt like I wasnt having me time and when I did try and come off the phone you would hear the disappointment in his voice. If I did come off the phone to do something he'd expect me to call back straight away. During our talks we talked about what we were looking for and we were both looking to settle down and have more children. However I did say to him that I need time to feel comfortable first with anyone. We met for the first time and things went well and we spent the whole weekend in each others company but I found I wasnt actually attracted to him as such. But our personalities clicked. One night I told him I was going out with my sister and he asked what I would be wearing, then how short the dress is. He then makes a statement that men would be all over me. I didnt say anything to him at the time but deep down I was annoyed. Bear in mind at this point I had only known him a week. The next day he messages me asking how far did guys get with me and to me that came across as your easy. (Correct me if im wrong). I expressed this to him and he said he didnt mean it in that way and apologised. I stated that I need space as I feel claustrophpbic and im not getting my space. He accepted this however I saw his attitude change in a way that he was trying to back off. I accepted this as it was what I wanted as I felt he was being too full on. He had already told his family about me and planned moving in and was consistently asking for a key to my house. I brushed it off as flirting. In the second week of knowing him he asked me if we are on the same page. I was truthful and told him I dont mind getting to know him but I cannot give him the attention he needs so he date someone else as I am not able to offer that. However it doesnt seem as though he has accepted this and is talking about having children with me and moving in and how.much he misses me. Am I being unreasonable? Should I still give him a chance although I am not attracted to him? He has good qualities however the fact that he is so full on pushes me away. Im confused. Run away. Run as fast as you can. Link to comment
Daim88 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 I definately will be running a mile. My problem is I try and find the good in people until its too late but luckily I saw the signs from early and the doubts were there but I just wasn't sure if I was being too picky Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 I agree with others, it's "game over." Hopefully the weekend you spent together wasn't at your home? If so, it's because of these characters that women should not be putting themselves at risk by providing a stranger with this amount of information, until you know more about them. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Lol thank you for your responses I wasnt sure if it was just me but guys I start talking too get this way all the time and im not sure if its me sending off the wrong signals. I had a guy I dated once turn up at my house with a gift. I am honest in saying what I am looking for and tend to get along with just about anyone. But you guys have confirmed my thoughts I just didn't want to be mean to him It is you in the sense that you are showing poor boundaries that can be easily pushed and people like that can smell it 10 miles away. You can be a very nice person, but also ensure your safety and have some clear cut boundaries with people. For example not sharing where you live, only meeting up in a highly public place for a brief meet and greet early - coffee, ice cream. If you like each other, you can go from there and do a real date. Most important, learn how to say no and mean it. If he is calling you and you don't want to talk, don't. If someone is doing things you don't like, don't bother confronting them or teaching them, early on, you just walk away because what they showed you is that you are not compatible. That doesn't make either one of you bad people, just people who shouldn't waste time on each other along the lines of square peg round hole. Remember that you are looking for the RIGHT guy for you and not just any guy and definitely not the wrong guy. So seeing the good in everyone is great, but not enough, they have to be good AND right for you and that's where you need to get picky. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 What the hell??? What a creep! One week and wants the key to your house? Yeah right, that'll happen! Two weeks and he wants to move in? And have children? Week three, he'll use his key to rob your house! Yeah he's a nutjob and i hope he hasn't been to your house already? Does he know where you live? This guy isn't even coming on strong, he's off the charts weird! Does he really think this type of behavior is acceptable? Block him! Link to comment
greta96 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 I don't really understand how come you are unsure of what you need to do, because if this happened to me I would be scared and constantly scanning my surrounding to make sure he's not hiding anywhere in the bushes! The guy is coocoo for cocoa puffs, there is no ambiguity about that. To say he is controlling would be an understatement. Nobody in their right mind would continue engaging with him! Tell him now, before you get in deeper than you already are, that unfortunately you don't see things working out between you two but you wish him the best (keep it cold but nice, as you don't want to set him off), and then block. No more messages, no more contact. And if he starts stalking you, document everything but keep ignoring, and hope he finds another victim soon and forgets about you. Link to comment
Daim88 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 I absolutely agree. I will certainly take that on board. I can see where I have gone wrong. With me I don't like hurting people's feelings so tend to just put up with whatever to make them happy. Not saying im a push over and I can be walked over but just little things that genuinly annoy me, I'll put up with for the sake of not upsetting the other person. I will be screen shotting this as my little pep talk reminder lol Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 One night I told him I was going out with my sister and he asked what I would be wearing, then how short the dress is. He then makes a statement that men would be all over me. I didnt say anything to him at the time but deep down I was annoyed. Bear in mind at this point I had only known him a week. You need to drop this guy and disappear NOW before he starts beating on you or psychologically abuses you to the point you'll be dead inside. I'm not even joking about this. This guy is exhibiting every single trait of an abusive person there is, total red flags. Look up "red flags" of an abusive personality and the term "gaslighting" because he's already turned scary and you haven't even made it a month in. And I'm not saying this to scare you. I worked at a women's shelter for 16 years, that kind of jealousy and wild accusations are not normal. He is already hard at work two measly weeks in getting you to dump everyone in your life: your family, your friends, your job is next, just so he can have total and full control of you. That way there's no one to help you when he starts beating on you. And yes, it's coming. When they start in that fast and that furious there is no in-between, no leading up to it. He's so scary he actually thinks he has a full right to own your this early in. I cannot stress enough to you what a massive red flag this is. This is already an abusive relationship. You need to just send him a text you never want to see him again, you tell him you'll call the cops if he comes near, and you end it now. While you still can. P.S. You aren't being unreasonable. You're being willfully blind to danger. Get a background check done on this guy, change the locks if you have to, alert everyone you have a stalker, go to the cops if he's threatening you and file a complaint on him. Whatever you have to do to get this guy out of your life now do so. Placating him will not help either. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 A few red flags and deal-breakers here. Too much pre-meet talking. No attraction. Bizarre inappropriate/creepy questions. Asked for keys to your house. Yes please text 'sorry we're not a match', block and RUN. The creepometer is in the red zone. yup yup yup!!!!!! Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 seconding whoever asked, has he been to your house/ knows where you live? Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 Lol thank you for your responses I wasnt sure if it was just me but guys I start talking too get this way all the time and im not sure if its me sending off the wrong signals. I had a guy I dated once turn up at my house with a gift. I am honest in saying what I am looking for and tend to get along with just about anyone. But you guys have confirmed my thoughts I just didn't want to be mean to him We met for the first time and things went well and we spent the whole weekend in each others company but I found I wasnt actually attracted to him as such. But our personalities clicked. How did he know where you live? Are you providing too much personal information to men that you're not yet comfortable with? As you have concluded, you are probably giving off the wrong vibes. How could you say that your personalities clicked, when you barely knew the guy. It takes time to make that determination. You had issues with him before even the 1st date (phone conversations were annoying). And when you met him, you weren't physically attracted to him. With all of that, for most women, that means "game over". Getting along with anyone, with no filters in place, is not good strategy. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 There's nothing reasonable about spending so much time on the phone with a stranger before meeting or spending more than a couple hours on a first date. Anything that happens after such a setup is exactly WHY I would never do any of that. Use dating apps to screen potential dates and set up quick coffee meets to check one another out. Neither can ask the other for a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other for a real date afterward. If the answer is yes, the other responds--if it's a 'no,' then no response is necessary. Skip 'insta-intimacy,' and focus on screening OUT anyone you're not attracted to. Link to comment
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