On the verge

[tuscanraider]

Hi everyone.

 

It's been a long time since I've posted on this forum but after some recent events, I need some help with how I deal with my girlfriend.

 

Now I'll fill you in on the story and I'll try to keep it brief. I'm 25 and she's only just turned 22 and we've been dating for around 15 months. This is both of ours first relationship and we love each other very much.

 

As part of her birthday celebrations she wanted to go out with just her friend, which I was fine with, and she said I could go out to celebrate another friends birthday instead, even though I wanted to spend the night with her. We ended up bumping into each other on the night out and I tried to talk and hang out for a bit because I wanted to share in on her birthday celebrations and just be with her for a short while. But whenever I approached her, she pushed me away and it felt a lot like she was ignoring me and didn't want to know me. I decided to let it go as I'd just talk to her later on. However as the bar closed and we waited for a taxi to take me and all my friends home, I saw her talking to a guy. I went over to talk to her but I was again pushed away and ignored. I continued to wait for the taxi but as I was sat down, I saw her walk down a back street with this guy. My blood was boiling, thinking she could be about to cheat on me so I ran over to confront her. As it turns out she was only covering this guy, with her back to him, whilst he was having a wee. An innocent but silly mistake. I immediately asked her what she was doing. Unbeknownst to me, my friends had gathered behind me as they had seen how she had been with me all night and had just seen her walking down this back street with this guy. They obviously presumed that she was about to cheat on me and my friends started screaming and shouting at her. I froze with panic and admittedly did nothing to stop them.

 

A lot of frustration came out of my friends as they thought that she hadn't made an effort to get to know my circle of friends and family and hadn't done near enough to integrate in. They have told me that they felt they never really got along and certain occasions like a friends wedding and my dad's birthday, which should have been happy occasions, ended up being not what I hoped and were awkward. I wanted to bring this up with her at some point but I knew she wouldn't make any more effort. She is quite shy and anxious so she struggles in those situations but I think I have given my best and especially with what they said to her on the night out, I don't think they will ever get along.

 

I struggle to see any future between us as this will be a recurring problem and incidents like what happened will only occur more in the future. I'm at a loss as to what I do next. I think it would be best to break up but I'm afraid to do it and I still care greatly about her and I don't want to hurt her. The timing hasn't been great either as we are due to go on holiday shortly but that looks like a long shot at this point in time. Is the best thing to break it off and hope we remain friends or stay with her and hope she can integrate into my circle of family and friends?

[Creacion]

I think you've already thought this one through. You'll find that space to work it out. Sometimes, the most powerful statement is never to have an open and an end. There was just no further communication. If she communicates down the track, you'll just reply that she'd already made the decision to date other people. But emotions sometimes doesn't allow us to be so dignified. In the meanwhile, with your heart on your sleeve, find another date to go out and enjoy.

[dave_1966]

Well, your friends shouldn't really influence your decisions about relationships because they can have their own agendas to be honest. However, being pushed away by your girlfriend as she's talking to another guy would send most guys mad. Also, she may have been covering this fella having a pee en route to his/hers place. If I could get any money back on the holiday, then finish with her, I personally would.

[Iggy5129]

I think you've already thought this one through. You'll find that space to work it out. Sometimes, the most powerful statement is never to have an open and an end. There was just no further communication. If she communicates down the track, you'll just reply that she'd already made the decision to date other people. But emotions sometimes doesn't allow us to be so dignified. In the meanwhile, with your heart on your sleeve, find another date to go out and enjoy.

 

???

 

These words make no sense to me.

 

You're suggesting he ghost on his gf of 15 months? I think he owes her at least a phone call.

[luisannalui]

If my partner do that to me, that's the end. I see that you have experienced several occasion where she has act distant and cold with your family and friends and even yourself. But yet you justify her as being "Shy" but she can have the time to go smoke wee with a person you don't even know? A girl that does love don't prefer hanging out with friends on her bday and send you somewhere else, I mean maybe she will say I will go out with my friends and than we can meet later, but you just seem to be following her everywhere and she act annoyed by it- So, You know what to do. Man, If I were you, I would stay very but very far away from this woman. She's not healthy for you.

[Wiseman2]

She goes in an alley way to join a guy who has to pee? But she can't act civil around your people? I agree that her behavior is bizarre given you're together 15 mos. and that it's time to break up if she refuses to socialize with you and best of all helps random guys take a pee in dark alleys.

I saw her walk down a back street with this guy. she was only covering this guy, with her back to him, whilst he was having a wee.

 

A lot of frustration came out of my friends as they thought that she hadn't made an effort to get to know my circle of friends and family and hadn't done near enough to integrate in. I think it would be best to break up

[tuscanraider]

Thanks for the replies guys. I genuinely believe she was just trying to do a nice (albeit odd) thing by shielding this guy and I know that she wasn't going to cheat but because of the reactions and emotions of everyone there, it's made our relationship very strained to say the least. Hurtful things were said between my friends and my girlfriend and now I don't know whether they will ever forgive and move on. It's been a long standing issue and it all kind of came to the fore on the night out.

 

We have been speaking since and I'm genuinely trying to do the right thing by asking my friends to apologise for what they've said and also my girlfriend has apologised to me even if her intentions were honest. But the problem that bothers me is that my friends and girlfriend can't seem to get along

[luisannalui]

Thanks for the replies guys. I genuinely believe she was just trying to do a nice (albeit odd) thing by shielding this guy and I know that she wasn't going to cheat but because of the reactions and emotions of everyone there, it's made our relationship very strained to say the least. Hurtful things were said between my friends and my girlfriend and now I don't know whether they will ever forgive and move on. It's been a long standing issue and it all kind of came to the fore on the night out.

 

We have been speaking since and I'm genuinely trying to do the right thing by asking my friends to apologise for what they've said and also my girlfriend has apologised to me even if her intentions were honest. But the problem that bothers me is that my friends and girlfriend can't seem to get along

 

Is she's dating you or your friends? end of the story.

[Wiseman2]

Don't get in the middle of it. They don't have to like her and she doesn't have to like them. Would be nice but not going to happen. Your friends are interfering way too much.

But the problem that bothers me is that my friends and girlfriend can't seem to get along