No idea what to do

[Ladyac]

Hi, I need some advice, I'm not sure what to do! I looked at my husbands facebook and found messages I'm not happy about. I know I shouldn't be looking and I havnt for a long time, I don't know what made me look to be honest! I do have trust issues, I have been with my husband 18 years, we have 3 kids, and he has cheated in the past, one night stands but I am suspicious he was seeing someone else many years ago, before our first child was born, but he denied it even though the woman involved insisted, I got no proof and we moved on. Anyhow he is friends with her on facebook, and I am civil to her, we say hi but that's about it, like I said it was years ago and we should have moved on. But these messages are a bit flirty, nothing major but it's got my back up! I want to confront him but he will know I have looked at his facebook, we had marriage counsiling last year as he had another one night stand and it was the last straw, but we agreed to keep going and put everything behind us, so with that in mind he will deny anything is going on with this woman! Now my mind has gone into overdrive, a few weeks ago I saw this woman had given up her pub, so I mentioned it to my husband and he said ' yeah she's having a bad time with her husband' I asked how he knew that but he said that he just bumped into her in town one day, I know they have talked before, some of the messages I have seen in the past are very friendly, like they know a lot about each other's lives, I don't know if I'm being over dramatic, but I really don't like them being friends like this, I don't know why?

[jjkk]

You don't like him being friends with her because your husband is a chronic cheater. You have every reason to not trust him and be suspicious. There would be something wrong if you DID trust him! You're going to have to decide what you can and will tolerate. Personally after so many one night stands and other shady behavior I think being 100% done is the way to go. He already knows you will tolerate his cheating. Calling him out and making a fuss will not change the fact that your actions have shown him you allow it. I'm sorry, this is awful for you I'm sure. I think leaving for good is a reasonable option. If that's not what you want, get some counseling just for you and figure out where to go from here. Hugs!!

[Wiseman2]

This woman insisted that she and your husband had an affair?

I am suspicious he was seeing someone else many years ago, before our first child was born, but he denied it even though the woman involved insisted.Anyhow he is friends with her on facebook

[qwaspolk82]

He has a history of cheating so you have every right to be suspicious. It's not being dramatic. Talk to him about how you feel about him talking to her and see what happens. But once a cheater, always a cheater.

[shellyf62]

Your husband isnt going to magically change into a loving, faithful husband.

He is a cheat & a liar. Unfortunately this is the guy you are married to.

I know, I was married to one too.

You need to decide if you want to stay with him or not.

If you do stay then you need to accept this is who he is, and turn a blind eye to his dalliances because he will keep doing this.

If you cant live like this then you need to divorce him. It isnt easy, but it is such a better life.

[Binoo]

It doesn't sound like your husband has changed at all.

And why does he have this woman on his Facebook??? Even on the off chance that he didn't sleep with her, she's at the very least tried to cause trouble between you and your husband. How can he allow that?

He's a cheater and a liar and you had every right to look through his things. He's not being upfront with you and besides causing you emotional distress he could be leaving you susceptible to diseases especially with all the one night stand crap.

[Ladyac]

Thankyou all so much for your advice, it's very much appreciated!

I'll be honest, since our counsiling sessions I have been waiting for him to trip up again so I have the excuse to end it. I just don't feel secure in our marraige. I know you have to work at marriages but I feel like I will never let go of the past, which is not good! But I don't know how to end it. If he did something wrong it would be easier, but at the moment all I have got is a few flirty messages I have seen that I am uncomfortable about. I'm worried about the kids too, they dote on him, all 3 have autism and the change will hit them hard if he leaves! But I have decided it can't go on like this, it's like in waiting for him to mess up so I can begin my life??